Last night’s season finale of “American Idol” had a bit of everything. It even had another somewhat surprising ending, at least from where I sit. Ryan Seacrest promised that there would be a few tributes to outbound Simon Cowell during the night, and there were. But here is how the rest of the show went down, and we’ll sum it up as quickly as we can:

The Season 9 Top 12 sang Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out” and once we saw the school kids dressed like Alice Cooper we knew the man himself would make an appearance and he did. But he didn’t sound very good.

Last season’s champ, Kris Allen, sang his single “The Truth”…it was a B-plus performance

Then came the first of the Simon Cowell tributes, followed by Siobhan Magnus and Aaron Kelly doing The Bee Gees’ “How Deep Is Your Love,” during which the two living Bee Gees (Barry and Robin Gibb) came out and performed with them. That was cool, but they didn’t sound great either.

Michael Lynche came out and sang The Doobie Brothers’ “Takin’ It To the Streets,” and Michael McDonald joined him on stage. McDonald sounded great in spots, not so great in others.

Dane Cook did a tribute to Simon Cowell and I’ll say it again…this guy is absolutely not funny at all. He never is and I don’t get it!

Lacey Brown and Didi Benami started Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful” and were joined by the other women from this season, and then finally by Christina, who wound up finishing with a song by herself. Man, can that girl belt it. The finalists from this season had to be thinking, “holy crap.”

Then Lee and the other guys started a Hall & Oates medley and were joined by Daryl Hall and John Oates. Those guys sounded very good.

Then a quick check in with former contestants Janell Wheeler in Crystal’s hometown of Toledo and Matt Rogers in Lee’s hometown near Chicago.

Crystal came out and sang Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic” and was joined by Alanis herself. That was pretty cool, but the two of them walking around nervously on stage was hard to watch.

Carrie Underwood sang her new single, “Undo It,” co-written by Carrie with judge Kara DioGuardi. I’m happy to report that we forwarded through this entire performance.

Then Kris Allen presented two custom-decorated Fords to both Lee and Crystal, and they could not have looked more unenthusiastic. Pretty funny stuff.

Then came one of the night’s great moments…..Casey James started strumming and singing Poison’s “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” and I got chills as I knew what was coming….Bret Michaels. He got one of the biggest ovations of the night and rightly so, as the man battled for his life with a brain hemorrhage this past month. And he was just crowned the “Celebrity Apprentice” a few nights ago!

Then Lee Dewyze performed with the band Chicago to symbolize his roots. Yawn.

Another great moment in the show’s history followed, as General Larry Platt returned to sing “Pants on the Ground,” complete with dancers and a band. Even ol’ Larry could dance! He was joined by former contestant William Hung. Just heartwarming, I tell you.

Then Paula Abdul came out and did what looked like a comedy skit to pay tribute to Simon, but it just made me uncomfortable. How about you? I mean, that was beyond weird. After that, Kelly Clarkson and every American Idol champ except David Cook came out to sing together, and they were joined by other former contestants such as Justin Guarini, Diana DeGarmo, and Jason Castro. Then Simon joined them on stage and made a tearful goodbye speech that may have been rehearsed, but probably not.

Then Janet Jackson performed and was half singing, half lip-synching.

Finally it was time to announce the winner, who certainly would be Crystal, right? Well, no! It was Lee Dewyze, ladies and gentlemen. I admit I thought Lee really came on the last few weeks, and was peaking, but Crystal just annihilated him on Tuesday night. But, just like the last two seasons, the person we thought would win did not.

Still, Lee is a humble and worthy champion, and he was overcome by emotion because I’m pretty sure he didn’t think he would win. As Mrs. Mike pointed out, though, Crystal will now get to make an album the way she wants to, and Lee will have to make that co-written 19 Entertainment schlock. Mrs. Mike said this after throwing pillows at the TV!

Thanks for reading everyone, and enjoy your summer!

As Fox tries desperately to compete with NBC’s Winter Olympic coverage, they keep unveiling “first time in American Idol history” type stuff, which really is just a small break in format during Hollywood week.
But I’ll give them this…they are getting down to the final 24 quickly. Almost too quickly.

Last night’s two-hour episode began with the final 71 contestants being broken into three rooms. Two rooms would hold those advancing to the next round, and one room full of those heading home. This, after one final shot to impress the judges with a solo performance.

Since they showed bits and pieces of various performances in rapid-fire fashion, we’ll make comments the same way…..

28 year old Angela Martin, who has had the longest string of bad luck any of us has ever seen, was decent but notably shaky in her performance. Of course, her mom was reported missing, I believe right before Hollywood week began. You are not human if you don’t feel bad for Angela…..Casey James did Colbie Caillat’s “Bubbly” and it was a super cool acoustic guitar version (though I personally can’t stand the song)….Jermaine did “Brick House,” and while it was one of the choices available, you have to wonder why dude chose the song played at every single American wedding…another Jermaine, Jermaine Sellers, did a decent version of Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror”….then 19 year old Siobhan, who we haven’t seen much of so far, did an amazing version of Stevie Wonder’s “Livin’ For the City.” Keep an eye on this girl….then guitar-wielding Crystal Bowersox did a pretty good version of Sheryl Crow’s “If it Makes You Happy.” Good but not great…..Alex Lambert broke out his ukelele and did a song that I hate more than “Bubbly,” Jason Mraz’ “I’m Yours.” It was okay, but I still hate the song….then big Michael Lynche also did the Jason Mraz tune, and he was okay but the version was not as good as Lambert’s….17 year old Thaddeus did an awesome version of “Man in the Mirror, much to the delight of his very animated mom…17 year old Charity Vance did “Gravity,” though I’m not sure whose song that is, and it was okay, as was Tasha Layton’s guitar version of Coldplay….Mary Powers, who for my money is way too cocky to make the final 24, was as cover bandy as ever….big Lloyd Thomas, after crying in front of the microphone for a while, did an okay version of “Man in the Mirror”….Brian, the police officer from Tennessee, didn’t do very well but was pleased with some sort of weird hand gesture Simon gave him….20 year old Hope Johnson did a not-very-good rendition of Daughtry’s “Home”….19 year old Shelby Dressel, who has that disorder that affects the nerves on one side of her mouth, chose Boston’s “More than a Feeling,” a very very odd choice both for her and for the producers who made it available, and it was just okay….Aaron Kelly, who forgot the words to Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel,” was still pretty good….Ashley Rodriguez did Jordin Sparks’ “Battlefield,” a curious choice because you then are going to be measured with an Idol champ, and it wasn’t that great….Then Lee Dewyze, Joe Munoz and Haeley Vaughn all went in very rapid-fire fashion, and were all just mediocre, at least in my book….finally there was Janell Wheeler, who was losing her voice during Hollywood week and struggled in her final showing before the judges.

So the contestants were then split into three rooms, and the judges met with them one by one. First, Room 1, and it was a yes for them. That room included Siobhan, Andrew Garcia, Katie Stevens, Casey James and big Michael Lynche. Then Room 2, and they let Simon give this group the bad news that they were going home. This group included Mary Powers (thankfully), Brian the cop, Charity Vance, Lloyd Thomas and Hope Johnson. Finally, Room 3 was a yes, and this set included Ashley Rodriguez, Angela Martin and Shelby Dressel.

So after that, we were down from 71 to 46, as the 25 contestants in Room 2 were sent packing. But wait, there was more than an hour left in the show at this point. So they would begin the next round, which was meeting with each contestant, not in a conference room, but on a small stage in the middle of the Kodak Theatre “for the first time in American Idol history”…..so lame.

One by one, they were ushered to meet the judges by Ryan Seacrest, and the four judges would tell them individually if they had made it to the next round, which was the Final 24, the TV round in which America would do the voting.

First up, Michael Lynche, the dude whose wife had given birth to their first child at the start of Hollywood week. Simon said something about how he didn’t feel Michael believes in himself the way that the judges believe in him, but that the news was good–he was in the Top 24.

Didi Benami was next, and while none of us remember much about Didi, she also advanced. So did Catelyn, who I don’t remember much about and I can’t even picture her now, but I did write “eh” next to her name, so I don’t think I agreed with the choice.

Shelby Dressel was next and she was the first to be told she was going home. Too bad for her, but I have to believe part of the reason was that horrible song choice of “More Than a Feeling.”

Casey James made it to the Top 24, and Kara, who quite obviously has a crush on this dude, lifted one of her legs when hugging Casey, something Randy Jackson noticed and made fun of profusely afterward. Ha! 16 year old Aaron Kelly also made it through, because you always need a short, wimpy Kevin Covais or David Archuleta type….Lee Dewyze, who has a voice like (argh) Scott Stapp from Creed, also made it to the TV round, and I really have no idea why…..so did Todrick, who I think is the dude who sang alongside Fantasia in “The Color Purple.”

Finally, Jessica Furney was told she was going home, but then she unleashed a fury of begging and pleading that was, well, epic. This had to be a producer’s dream, as Jessica repeated over and over, “You have no idea what I can do.” Um, yes, Jessica, they do have an idea, because you just sang for them like four times. As Mrs. Mike pointed out, Jessica had the “crazy eyes” and started to get more and more belligerent with the judges, who simply told her their minds were made up and that was that.

So 7 of the final 24 have been announced with 17 more being chosen tonight–10 more girls and 7 more guys. I have to admit, I’m starting to get nervous for my favorite so far, Andrew Garcia. Seacrest made some comment about a “shocking elimination” and they even showed a dejected Garcia walking down the aisle at the Kodak in previews….please, tell me they didn’t let Lee Dweeby in and not my boy…please, don’t tell me that, because if you do, I’m going to go all Jessica Furney on you.

So that’s it everyone…after tonight we will have our Top 24, and the real competition will begin next Tuesday. Thanks for reading and see you all back here tomorrow….

So Ryan Seacrest announced that there were 88 million votes on Tuesday night. I half-expected Seacrest to put a pinky to the corner of his mouth like Dr. Evil when he said that. Anyway, he also said that it was the closest voting ever, with 1 million votes separating the top two.

Then came a bit on Idol Gives Back, with a surprise appearance from Alicia Keys, who was there to pimp the cause, and not to perform. Instead she talked about how we can donate, and then introduced 9-year old African sensation Noah, who performed “I’m the World’s Greatest,” a song that should have been performed by Kara DioGuardi or Simon Cowell. The song itself? Kind of like “Pass the Duchie.”

Then they showed each contestant’s journey back home last week, starting with Danny Gokey’s trip to Milwaukee. Danny was reunited with his buddy Jamar, who auditioned with him and hung on up until Hollywood week. Then it was Kris Allen’s turn to go back to Conway, Arkansas, and it’s safe to say that both he and Danny were overwhelmed by the turnout and reaction back home. Their lives will never be the same, that’s for sure.

Then Season 6 champ Jordin Sparks sang her new single, “Battlefield,” which sounded like five different songs in one. And like every other post-Idol performance, it was all shouty and annoying. Then they had Adam Lambert’s return to San Diego, and dude clearly loved the attention.

Then it was Katy Perry’s turn to guest star, and she came out wearing some sort of cape with Adam Lambert’s name printed on the back. No wonder Adam said he couldn’t wait to see Katy perform. Anyway, as Mrs. Mike correctly pointed out, Katy Perry is all gimmick….she’s not awful and her songs are catchy, but watching her perform makes me hate the music industry. And that vibrato in her voice? It sounds like The B-52’s doing “Rock Lobster.”

Then it was down to business. Danny, Kris and Adam were asked to stand at the center of the stage. The first contestant to make it to the final was….Kris Allen! Yes, my boy made it! America certainly has better taste than Idol judges. Would Adam be the one going home? That was my prediction….well no, it was Adam moving on to the finals, and Danny headed home. Wow. I thought Gokey was going to win or have a chance, but this goes to show how strong the field is this season.

After having Danny sing one more time, Seacrest asked Cowell what he thought…..and he said something about Kris’ second song Tuesday (Kanye West’s “Heartless”) vaulting him into this spot, which might be somewhat true….but more so, the viewing public recognizes sheer talent and artistry and they wanted Kris in there. The judges also got their wish of having Adam in the finale, though based on Tuesday’s performances, he didn’t deserve it. That’s Idol though.

And here’s something nobody is talking about….well, until now. One million votes separated Adam and Kris…so for as good as these judges think Adam is and for as lousy as they (mostly Simon) have thought Kris to be, it’s not a slam dunk for Adam by any means. Cowell even admitted that next week is set up to be a “big ding dong,” which I think is the British way of saying epic matchup.

This is going to be a match between two extremely different performers…the showy, screechy, overrated, tongue-in-the-camera’s face Adam Lambert, and the laid back, underrated, slay-em-with-your-arrangement country boy Kris Allen. I’m betting that the votes next week are even closer than this week, and I’m saying it right here, right now….Kris is going to win, and it will send Kara and Paula directly to their respective shrinks.

What do you all think?

Anyway, a fourth judge has been added to shake things up. Songwriter Kara DioGuardi (pronounced Dee-o-GWAR-dee) who has written somewhere around 100 hit songs and from what we found out, has a decent voice too, gives the panel another female perspective and she definitely adds some spunk and even more humor to the already eccentric judging contingent.

The first month or so of every season begins with twice-a-week auditions from various cities, and last night was the round from Phoenix, Arizona, home of Season 6 winner Jordin Sparks. There is a pattern to this every season, and the producers of the show only show us the really great and really horrible auditions, accentuating the absurd. It’s a ratings party, and last night was no exception. To streamline, we’ll just highlight the good and bad as briefly as possible…..

THE BAD

Tuan kicked things off, and he aspires to be a cross between Michael Jackson and Britney Spears. Do I need to go further? Okay, I will…he had an afro box haircut and flapped his arms wildly as he attempted to sing. See ya…..Randy, a 27 year-old office worker who thinks he is a rock star because of his haircut and a few tattooes, attemped to sing Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer” and while he wasn’t awful, he was not AI caliber. But dude seemed to think it was his lot in life to be a rock star, and started crying when told he should go back to his cubicle. Michael Gurr was so nervous that we couldn’t understand what he was singing. Literally.

Then they showed a montage of a few contestants, but as they did, they showed a video clip of the artist they were trying to emulate — Tears for Fears, Dionne Warwick and Celine Dion–and let me tell you, that really put things in perspective. I mean, the gap is as wide as the Grand Canyon (ha ha)…

Andre, who calls himself X-Ray, performed his own song, “Cactus Baby,” and was very odd, dancing while he sang in a way that resembled a bag of noodles…..22 year old Elijah had a deep, preacher voice and when he tried to sing Barry White just didn’t have it….Leah Marie, a 16 year old from Connecticut who idolized Kara, brought her book of 100 original songs up to her, and then proceeded to mess up her audition. She can sing okay, but the judges and I agreed she’s not ready. Spunky and ambitious, though. Eric, who was nicknamed “Sexual Chocolate,” was a 17 year old singer who took on a Stevie Wonder tune, something that no one should do on a first audition, and while he was okay, he wasn’t good enough. There were several more clips of really bad auditions, but the producers of the show have found a good balance between focusing on a few of them and speeding through the rest. For that, I thank them.

THE GOOD

It’s always fun to watch the great auditions and start speculating on who will go far and how far they will go. Here were the talented ones from Phoenix…

Emily Hughes, a tattooed, pierced rock star singer who also fronts a band, was a shoe-in to begin with. Her mom gave her the singing genes, and she just belted a version of Heart’s “Barracuda” that was about as close to the Wilsons as you can come for an amateur. I thought it was maybe a bit too much song for her, but the elements of greatness are there and the judges saw it. Emily said she was going to have to tell her band that they couldn’t go on a European tour if she advanced, but that it would be worth it in the long run….Ariana, a really spunky 16 year old whose feel-good story is that she founded a group of fellow teens that performs in nursing homes, had a really nice voice for her age and is heading to Hollywood…Stevie Wright, named after Stevie Nicks, was another 16 year old with great tone who sang the standard “At Last” beautifully. I see her going pretty far, but as Simon Cowell said, she needs to “grow some teeth” and realize she will have to compete to win….Michael, a big dude who works on an oil rig in Texas, had a monster voice and surprised everyone.

And then there was Katrina, aka “Bikini Girl,” who was wearing a bikini so skimpy that you know it was borderline that they could actually show it on TV, wowed Randy and Simon, naturally, but did not impress Kara or Paula so much. She was good, but the bikini made enough of an impact to send her to Hollywood, but not before she tried to make out with Ryan Seacrest. You could just see Ryan using the side of his mouth so as not to get any, um, diseases. I’m just sayin’…..Brianna, 22, who was also pretty spunky and sang “Let’s Hear it For the Boy,” was shunned by Randy and Kara but let through because Paula and Simon saw something in her…Cody Sheldon, 17 and from Detroit, was a punk looking kid with medium-long hair and sang a James Morrison song, but looked like he should have been singing something heavier. Sheldon makes horror movies in his spare time so this kid has a weird streak already, but he was a decent singer….Alex Wagner was another dude who didn’t look the part, but had a great voice and took on a James Ingram song…finally there was Scot McIntyre, a 23-year old legally blind dude. The producers milked that one by showing a preview before EVERY commercial, and while the guy was good and inspiring, I’m not sure he’s a good enough singer to take this very far.

So there you have it. Tonight the auditions move to Kansas City, home of David Cook. See you all tomorrow with the recap, and it’s great to have you on board again for Season 8!