THE plays like one part spooky horror story and one part scientific fiasco. It’s a clear homage not so much to the classic series Silurians tales, but other stories from the Jon Pertwee era like “Inferno” and “The Daemons.” Heck, even the earth swallowing people up takes me back to Peter Davison’s “Frontios.” One of the things that I’ve really enjoyed about this season is the conscious decision to go for more rural settings, as opposed to the urban backdrops which so dominated the Davies era. It’s given the season a much different texture, and one that’s a welcome change, and you can’t get much more rural than the countryside, an old church and graveyard, and a tiny cast. In so many ways both THE and CB are perhaps the closest to classic “Doctor Who” the new series has yet produced, which I’m not entirely sure is a good thing, because trying to hammer an old formula into a new box is an often dicey proposition, and I quite honestly am not sure if it works all that well here. The best episodes of the new series have been the ones that did something with “Doctor Who” that we’ve never seen before, and if the new series has proven anything, it’s that it’s best to keep moving forward.

And yet there were numerous great moments in THE. One of them was the scene where Amy woke up encased in a Silurian briefcase. That gave me the cold shivers, which is something that “Doctor Who” often aims to do, but (at least for me) rarely succeeds at. The second was the scene where the Doctor “lost” Elliot (Samuel Davies), and the fallout from him doing so. The Doctor looked so beaten in that moment, as if he’d really failed. Speaking of Elliot, here’s another kid, which you may recall me bitching about earlier this season. Thing is, I really, really liked Elliot in THE, but by the time we got to CB, he could’ve been any character of any age, and his only function seemed to be that the young are the most open-minded people on the planet, which is a nice, and perhaps truthful sentiment, but not one I needed or cared to see hammered home. The final reveal of the underground Silurian city is another great moment, but it’s also one whose promise isn’t really met in CB. It looks as though we’re going to be getting something monumental in CB that we ultimately never really get. I’d never go so far as to call these two episodes “bad” or to say I didn’t like them, but when compared to the previous “second two-parters of the season” (think, “The Empty Child,” “The Impossible Planet,” and “Human Nature”), this seems to be lacking in ambition and scope. I had really high expectations for this 90-minute block – expectations that ultimately weren’t met.

The Silurians (or whatever we are or aren’t calling them at this point) were one of the great concepts in classic “Doctor Who.” Instead of the two old sci-fi standards of “they come to us” or “we go to them,” the idea was that “they” were here long before “us.” Humans became the invaders on their own soil. Writer Malcolm Hulke did a solid job filling out and exploring these ideas in Jon Pertwee’s second serial, “Doctor Who and the Silurians,” and then he came back a few years later with “The Sea Devils,” in which the Doctor met the aquatic relatives of the Silurians, and then 10 or so years later Peter Davison encountered both races in the year 2084 in the lackluster tale “Warriors of the Deep” (which wasn’t written by Hulke). All three tales are available on DVD in the “Beneath the Surface” boxset, and each of these stories amounted to a moral dilemma for the Doctor, as he tried desperately to broker peace between the two species, and they always ended badly, with no clear winners. This new two-parter (or at least CB) tells the same story, once again, which isn’t a problem for anyone who hasn’t seen all the old serials, but for those of us who have, when all is said and done, there’s bound to be a “That’s it?” as the final credits roll.

Well, maybe not, as CB finished off with a one-two punch that has little to do with the story, and more to do with seasonal Pandorica arc (there seems to be a lot of that this season). The ending of CB is such a narrative shock that it leaves one forgetting how rote much of what came before really was – again, at least for old school fans, and since I am one, I can’t write from any other perspective. The only major difference between this tale and the serials of old is that it ends on a considerably happier note, and instead of some mass slaughter, the Silurians go into hibernation for another thousand years. Really what the story feels like is, ironically enough, a setup for the return of Silurians, presumably next season, which I welcome, because there surely must be a great deal of untapped potential in this concept provided someone actually takes us there. So much of the dialogue and so many of the situations in this story seem inspired by or ripped directly from all the previous homo reptilia tales, that I’m surprised Malcolm Hulke didn’t get a co-writing credit next to Chris Chibnall. But I’m loath to hold any of this against the story, because the concept needed to be re-established for modern audiences unfamiliar with the originals, and Hulke did such a bang-up job back in the ‘70s, that maybe there was almost no other way to accomplish this than by going back to the concept’s roots, given how original it is as sci-fi concepts go. The Silurians are a fascinating enough race that they deserve to get the same kind of returning screentime that the Daleks and the Cybermen do. This could go on for a long time on this series, with all kinds of twists and turns along the way.

Probably the most frustrating aspect of CB in particular is the Doctor’s ongoing insistence at brokering peace between the two species. On three occasions he’s learned that this doesn’t work, so why would he possibly think it would be a success this time? Why is he so optimistic? The human race seems worse than ever before, so why is he being so fucking blind to the truth? Once again, for anyone who’s seen the classic serials, this just makes no sense. I’m very interested to hear opinions from fans that’ve never seen the classic serials, so by all means, fill up the comments section below with your thoughts on this story.

Finally, we must cover the one-two punch. The death of Rory – the real death of Rory, instead of the bogus one we got in “Amy’s Choice.” It’s a well played scene, with the Pandoricrack erasing him from time itself – and Amy’s memory – afterwards. Really, really great stuff from all parties involved, and a real punch to the gut, as is the wraparound bit where Amy is now standing solo in the distance. All that said, there’s no fucking way this guy is gone from the series. This was a massive fakeout if ever I’ve seen one, and I’m quite sure he’ll somehow come back to life in the two-part season finale. (Perhaps Rory will become the “Doctor Who” equivalent of “South Park’s” Kenny?) And then there’s that chunk of the TARDIS the Doctor pulled out of the Pandoricrack. What the hell is going on there? I get bored with speculating and much prefer to let this series wash over me, but I always love hearing what others think is around the corner, so let’s hear it, kids. Since Part One of the finale is playing in the U.K. this weekend, keep your comments relevant to what’s been shown in the U.S. No cheating or spoiling if you’re ahead of the game.

Oh yeah – one last thing. A couple of my “Doctor Who” peeps and I came up with a Facebook group recently. It’s called “A Clive Barker penned episode of ‘Doctor Who’ is a great idea!” and I think the name of the group is fairly self-explanatory in a Betty White/SNL kind of way. If you agree with the idea, please join this group, and suggest it to as many people as you can. Don’t worry, it’s a quiet group, and we won’t bombard your FB page with all sorts of nonsense. We just want to see the member count grow and grow, until Steven Moffat has no choice but to offer Mr. Barker a shot at writing an episode of “Doctor Who.”
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NEXT TIME: The Doctor meets Vincent Van Gogh, in the Richard Curtis penned episode “Vincent and the Doctor.” Having already seen this episode, I will boldly proclaim it unquestionably the best episode of the season, so by all means don’t miss out.

Classic “Who” DVD Recommendation of the Week: I honestly can’t recall if I’ve ever recommended the final story of the ‘60s, “The War Games,” before, but I’m recommending it now if for no other reason than because it’s an important story that everyone needs to see (well, the final episode of its 10-part girth is anyway).

(Thanks as always to Sonic Biro for the screencaps.)

10. “School Reunion” – There are other stories that from a plot standpoint are much better written than this one, and thus more deserving of being in this Top 10, but I’ve an enormous fondness for this outing simply because it not only brought Lis Sladen’s Sarah Jane Smith back into my life, but it did it in such a way that left me a sobbing mess. If, like me, you grew up watching Doctor #4 (Tom Baker) and Sarah Jane battle the evil Morbius on Karn, defeat the diabolical Sutekh on Mars, and kill the giant Krynoid at the estate of Harrison Chase, then seeing her character – as well as her relationship with the Doctor – hit a poignant and dramatic high note of finality was most definitely a strong cup of tea. It’s a bit of a shame Sarah Jane has her own series now, because everything about her that’s come since has somewhat eroded what was beautiful about this story in the first place.

9. “The Waters of Mars” – It’s entirely possible I’m riding a “Who” high at the moment, and that in time “Mars” won’t seem quite as perfect as it does at present. Further, since it won’t play on BBC America until Dec. 19th, it would be wrong to discuss it in any great detail. Nevertheless, it’s got an intricate premise from Russell T. Davies and Phil Ford, deft direction from Graeme Harper, creepy monsters, outstanding set design, and one helluva complex performance from David Tennant, that’s clearly aimed at setting up “The End of Time.” The last 20 minutes are frenzied and game-changing; this is Davies pulling the rug out from under the Time Lord and redefining everything we thought we learned about him over the past four seasons. It’s fucking glorious, and even if the big finish doesn’t quite live up to the buildup, I’ll know they made a damn good go of it.

8. “The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit” – Here’s another story that might leave a reader or two scratching their heads, but it’s a tale that holds an immense amount of nostalgia for me. See, my kid was 13 at the time it premiered, as were his friends. For the second season of new “Who,” the fates conspired so that he and his buds gathered at the house nearly every weekend to watch the latest episode with me, and the otherworldly goings-on at Sanctuary Base in particular had all of us riveted. “Don’t Turn Around!” became the catchphrase for a good long while around my casa, and further, this was the story where Tennant “became” the Doctor for me. The scene where he was being lowered into the Satan Pit, talking of how the specifics of the creature didn’t fit his “rules” was the defining moment. If I’d had even a vague vibe that he might not be precisely the right actor for the role before this, any such thoughts were dashed immediately after viewing that scene. Beside, the Doctor meets Satan? Hot diggity damn! This two-parter also unleashed the Ood, who have clearly become one of the defining alien races of the new series; they returned for the aptly named “Planet of the Ood” in Season Four, and will be returning again for Tennant’s finale.

7. “The Parting of the Ways” – “Who” season finales are hyper-dramatic and a lot of fun, but typically they don’t stand out as being the cream of any given block. That wasn’t the case, however, with Ninth Doctor Christopher Eccleston’s swan song from Season One, which was in fact so perfect in its seasonal finality that Davies hasn’t topped it since. The thing is, when it was being written, he had no idea whether or not the show was even going to get a second season, and therefore it fell upon him to craft a story that put a fine point on everything he felt he needed to say about the concept. Eccleston is quite literally fantastic here, but perhaps even more so is Billie Piper, who just shines with one of her most painful performances in the series. I still get shivers when I watch the hologram scene, punctuated by her cries of “Take me back!,” as well as the moment between her and Jackie, when she explains how the Doctor took her to meet her deceased father: “That’s how good the Doctor is!” I’m man enough to admit I’m tearing up a bit just writing these words. Oh, and “Parting” also unveiled an army of friggin’ flying Daleks. There was a time when such a sight was indeed something to behold; now it’s somewhat unfortunately become the norm.

6. “The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances” – As good as “The Parting of the Ways” was, Steven Moffat managed to unleash a Season One tale that was just a tad better, and he brought the unforgettable phrase “Are you my mummy?” to the table, for which we are eternally grateful. Everything about this two-parter is just bloody brilliant: WW II, the London Blitz, a blond girl dangling from a barrage balloon, the introduction of John Barrowman’s Captain Jack Harkness, and gratuitously lush use of Glenn Miller. Who can forget the Doctor’s moves at the end, followed by his joyous cry of “Just this once – everybody lives!”? It was obvious the Moff was a force with which to be reckoned coming out of the gate, and in just a few months he’s going to literally be running the show (actually, he already is – we just haven’t gotten to sample the wares).

5. “The Girl in the Fireplace” – And so how does Grand Moff Steven top an epic like “The Empty Child”? By doing an intimate episode in which the Doctor, for all intents and purposes, falls in lust for the first time, although it’s a strange, neutered lust to be sure. This was another game-changer as far as the character of the Doctor goes, and thematically reflected what much of Season Two was about: The Doctor’s inability to see the effect he has on the people with whom he comes into contact. In this case the person is Madame de Pompadour, also known as Reinette (Sophia Myles), who encounters the Doctor periodically throughout her entire life, from childhood until death, even though the same events only occupy a few hours of time from his standpoint. It’s got a heartbreaking ending, gorgeous set design and costumes, and a truly inspired group of villains in the form of the Clockwork Androids, who very likely kept children of all ages awake at night ages after having viewed it.

4. “Midnight” – What happens when the Doctor loses his voice, which is perhaps his most valuable asset? The events that occur onboard the shuttle bus en route to the planet Midnight are some of the most unsettling the new series presented. Over the course of this hour we viewed the very worst aspects of humanity, which is a marked change from Russell T. Davies generally more positive outlook. Well, OK, Davies writes some pretty nasty material – what would a series like this be without villains? – but the folks onboard the shuttle bus with the Doctor might as well be you and me, and it’s in his presentation of these “normal” folk that the ugly beauty of this episode lies. Well, that and the fact that it’s utterly horrific in its depiction of an unseen creature that at first tries to break into the bus, and then later settles on taking over the mind and voice of passenger Sky Silvestry (Lesley Sharp, giving an atypically chilling performance). Towards the end, the mysterious force moves on to the Doctor, and he just seems so bloody helpless.

3. “Blink” – For many, “Blink” remains the crowning achievement of new “Who,” and with good reason – it’s an outstanding hour of TV that not only works as a great example of what this show can do when it stretches itself, but it also works in a vacuum; you could watch this episode without knowing anything about the series at all and still come away endlessly entertained and spooked. Funny that the Doctor is barely even in it, but therein lays a great deal of its perfection. Instead, he’s trapped in 1969, as well as on a series of 17 DVDs as an Easter Egg, and as a result our central figure is Sally Sparrow (Carey Mulligan of “An Education”). It’s up to her to stop the Weeping Angels (creatures from beyond so perfectly constructed, that a reappearance could only be a letdown) and get the TARDIS back to ’69 so the Doctor can resume his travels. Once again written by Steven Moffat, this hour is his strongest offering to the series, and more than anything else proves that he knows his way around wibbly-wobbley time-wimey balls of, um, time. Mulligan comes out of the gate, owning the series as if she’d been there since day one, and it’s no surprise that she’s moving up in the world of film and TV. Good thing, too, as people who’ve never even watched “Who” will likely soon start discovering this gem simply because they’re looking for older work from this up and coming talent, and really, what better episode to use to get someone into the show? An angel has the key to the phone box indeed.

2. “Love & Monsters” – There probably isn’t a more controversial episode that I could’ve chosen for this list than “Love & Monsters,” let alone the fact that I’m putting it at #2. I’m sure I’ve seen this one labeled more than any other as the worst episode of the new series – a sentiment with which I take obvious issue. A “Who” buddy of mine assures me this feeling only comes from stodgy, vocal old school fans who don’t like having their “Who” tampered with in this particular manner, and that the reality is that it’s actually a very well-liked episode. I’d like to think so, because the tragicomical story of Elton Pope (Marc Warren) and the other members of L.I.N.D.A., a group dedicated to collecting information on the mysterious Doctor, is one of the finest odes to the art of fandom ever written (thank you again, Russell Davies). This piece sings, makes my heart swell and manages to say everything and nothing about “Who” simultaneously – and it’s crammed full of ELO tunes! What more could a “Doctor Who” fan possibly want?

1. “Human Nature/The Family of Blood” – While Davies and Moffat wrote some of the best episodes of the decade, the #1 spot is reserved for a story from Paul Cornell. His previous outing, “Father’s Day,” was also very good, and came close to making this Top 10. But close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and body odor, so if by any chance Paul reads these words, hopefully he’ll forgive me leaving “Father’s Day” off the list in lieu of placing him at the very top. Mind you, that’s not really a strategical maneuver, as this two-parter, which features the Doctor becoming human and falling in love, is actually the greatest 90 minutes of ‘00s “Who.” Unfortunately, it would pack very little resonance for anyone unfamiliar with the series – you’ve got to be invested and well-versed in the new series up to this point in Season Three to get the most out of it, but that can hardly be counted against it. It’s a thing of beauty, the bee’s knees, the best of the best, the crème de la crème of all things new “Who.” Tennant is a marvel here, proving to viewers just how damn good an actor he is, in the calculated performance as John Smith, the schoolteacher living in a pre-WWI England. But Smith has strange dreams at night – dreams of a blue box and of being another man altogether. So do we, John, so do we – and Paul, we’ll never look into a mirror quite the same way again.