For now, however, you’ve clearly waited long enough to read this week’s chat, so let’s dive right in, shall we?

Bullz-Eye: Hey, David, how’s it going?

David Lewis: Good, Will! Good, good, good.

BE: Glad to be able to hook up with you, and sorry about the issue on Tuesday.

DL: No, I heard that you had your drink on, so I dig that. (Laughs)

BE: So…you got it with the harpoon.

DL: (Laughs) I got it with the harpoon. You don’t hear that very often.

BE: You don’t.

DL: It was a pretty spectacular exit.

BE: It was. There have been quite a few of them during the series, but that was definitely one to write home about.

DL: Yeah, that was one of the best. Let’s just say it. We both know it, so let’s just get it out there. (Laughs) I think it was pretty cool.

BE: So I’ll do a few of the traditional questions that I ask of all of the victims, with the first being to ask how you came onto the series. Was it a standard audition, or did someone know you and ask for you specifically?

DL: Nobody knows about me. I’m an anomaly.

BE: Fair enough.

DL: No, it was a standard audition. I went in and didn’t really know anything about the series. They kept that all very hush-hush. It was just, “It’s ‘Harper’s Island,’ here’s the part you’re auditioning for.” They gave very minimal back story on the character. The script…or sides, rather, since I didn’t actually see a script…that I auditioned with ended up having nothing to do with the show, because they were keeping everything very under wraps and very secretive until you actually made it on the show. And then they were even more secretive.

BE: So when you did find out about the series, what did you think about it? As a series model, it’s definitely a little unique.

DL: Very unique. Very exciting. Like, there’s no job security, the audience is kind of always on their toes because they know that, inevitably, they’re going to have favorite characters who are suddenly pulled off the show, so your allegiance to characters is fleeting. You don’t know how long they’re going to last. And as actors, talk about actors showing up on time and knowing their lines. You didn’t want to screw up because… (Laughs) …the next thing you know, you’re not around!

BE: So how did you find out about your impending demise? Were you tapped on the shoulder? Did they play a “Survivor”-esque game with you?

DL: I was out shopping for furniture, I got a phone call from Karim (Zreik, co-executive producer), and it was never…Karim tried to make the phone call nice, but as soon as you heard Karim, it was, like, “Oh, man!” And he’s, like, “Yeah, I know.” His nickname was “The Assassin.”

BE: Yeah, he’s gotten quite a reputation as a grim reaper.

DL: (Laughs) Yeah, well, when you got the phone call from him, you knew that was it. He was, like, “I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is you’re going to die in the next episode. The good news is that you’re going to have the best death scene so far.” And when he told me I was going to get a whaling harpoon through the chest, I was, like, “Oh, that is awesome!” So all of the other actors were quite envious.

BE: Well, if you’ve gotta go…

DL: Uh, yeah!

BE: So how did you approach your character? How well-developed was the character of Richard when you got your first script? Was he already the subordinate type?

DL: Yeah, y’know, just off the first script, there’s so many characters that they’re introducing to the audience that I’m kind of a periphery character. And my character kind of grows as the series goes along, but just beginning, I’m just sort of briefly introduced. So one of the producers on the show, Dan Shotz, he came to me and basically gave me some back story on my character and my relationship with my wife and everything. They didn’t give out any details of how my character was going to become dark in the series. They were just, like, “He’s a nice guy, he’s a dutiful husband and great father, and he works for Thomas (Wellington). And he’s just…he and his wife, they’ve been together for 13 years, and they’ve got an 11-year-old daughter. He’s just a real stand-up, Harvard-educated guy. And I thought, “Okay, I can play this. He’s kind of boring, but I can play this.” Little did I know that I would be having a sadomasochistic relationship with my stepmother in Episode 3.

BE: You’ve got to like that.

DL: Uh, you’ve got to love that!

BE: How was Cassandra Sawtell to work with as your daughter, Madison? Because she manages to be both cute and…

DL: Creepy?

BE: I was going to say “spooky,” but “creepy” is good. I’ll go with that.

DL: Yeah, creepy. Absolutely. Like, she’s one of the girls from “The Shining.” (Laughs) But she’s so good in this show. I mean, this kid is gonna have a career, and the best part about her is that…I’ve worked with kids over the years, and when the camera stops rolling, she’s just this normal 11-year-old girl, y’know? She’s not a Drew Barrymore type who’s been around adults on set too long and is all kind of weird. She’s just a kid. She’s goofy, she likes to talk about school and the books that she’s been reading, she’s extremely intelligent, but she’s not trying to be an adult. ‘Cause that’s just kind of weird, right? I mean, I don’t know, I’ve never met Dakota Fanning, but…well, you know, anyway, Cassandra doesn’t have that over-the-top actor prodigy thing. But, man, does she pull off the creepiness! I mean, I didn’t like being alone with her on the set. I always thought she was going to push me down the stairs or something. (Laughs)

BE: So which part of your character was the most fun for you to play: the scenes with Gina Holden (who plays Shea), or the scenes with Claudette Mink (who plays Katherine)?

DL: (Pauses) I get that you have to ask these questions, but it sounds kind of ridiculous to me, because of course I’m going with Claudette! (Laughs) How awesome is that? No commitment, I basically get to grope her, and…what’s interesting, actually, is that there’s that scene where she’s tied up and sort of hanging from the beam, and I was kind of groping her, and I’m, like, “What can I do here?” And she’s, “You can do whatever you want, it’s all cool, we’re acting.” So I’m groping away, but the producer comes over and says, “Um, you gotta do less groping.” “Really?” “Yeah.” And, meanwhile, people are getting cut in half and having their heads chopping off. But I can’t put my hands near her breasts, because you can’t have that on TV. But impaling someone with a whaling harpoon? That’s okay. (Laughs)

BE: What was your single favorite of the episodes in which you appeared?

DL: Well, y’know, at first I want to say the one where I died, because I had screen time and it was exciting, but I think my favorite was the first time you saw Richard and his stepmother together, because that was, like, “Oh, my God, this character is, like, 93% more interesting.” I mean, actors were coming up to me on set and saying, “Oh, my gosh, you’re so lucky. What an awesome character. That’s so cool that, this early in the show, suddenly we’re throwing the audience a little 180.” Yeah, absolutely, it was when Richard first sort of showed his dark side.

BE: So are you one of the folks who’s watching the series religiously each week?

DL: Sure! And this is how committed I am: I will even keep watching it even though I’m dead. You don’t hear a lot of actors say that. (Laughs) But, no, I’m drawn in. I’m curious! Right now, from here on in, I know as much as the general viewing audience does. After you’re done on the show, it is a very tight ship. They don’t want to leak out anything. I saw a bunch of actors at the wrap party at the end of the shooting season, and I was, like, “So how did it go?” And they wouldn’t say anything. They wouldn’t open their mouths. They would just smile at me. And I was, like, “No, you don’t have to tell me anything. Just tell me: how did it go?” And they wouldn’t say anything. So I was, like, “Okay, then.” They have been told not to talk at all about the show. They really want to keep it under wraps, especially with the internet. It’s just so easy to leak a little something out there, at which point it’s, like, “Aw, man, you’re just ruining it for everybody.”

BE: I just had a couple more questions about some of the other projects you’ve worked on. First of all, this isn’t your first “Island” show.

DL: (Laughs) No, it isn’t. It’s funny: I was ready to call this show “Harpoon Island” after my death. Hey-o! But, yes, I worked on a series called “Hope Island.” We did 22 episodes of that, based on an Irish series called “Ballykissangel.” It was about 10 years ago, and it was a much, much different island. Much different. I think the most dramatic thing that happened was a lost dog. “Oooh, a lost dog!” But it was a fun show to work on. It was just definitely a different feel.

BE: I was curious how it was to work on a show for PAX Television. I’d think it would be a different dynamic, where they’re trying to keep things as even-keeled as possible, if that’s the right phrase.

DL: Yeah, and the writers were doing their best to try not to make it sugary-sweet and to find the drama in there, but you can only push it so far, because PAX is definitely family values and all that sort of stuff. But you still have to insert some of the drama in there, and things happen. But it was a great cast, everybody in that show got along so great, and we had lots of dinners and parties together. The lead (Cameron Daddo) and I were great golf buddies. There was a real camaraderie, and it was a show where I was very sad when it ended…partly because I was making a lot of money on it… (Laughs) …but mostly because of the relationships.

BE: Speaking of shows that ended, did you have hopes that “John Doe” would’ve lasted longer than it did?

DL: I did! I thought that was really a unique show. I thought it had a lot of potential. But, you know, this is the thing: if producers knew what the zeitgeist wanted, then everybody would be a genius. But you don’t know. You think you’ve got magic in a bottle, but then they don’t take it, and you go, “Okay, let’s try reality TV,” and 40 million people say, “Wow, that’s incredible!” (Sighs) “John Doe” was a lot of fun to work on, but not for the lead actor (Dominic Purcell, who you may know better from his role as Lincoln Burrows on “Prison Break”). He was supposed to know everything about everything, and this poor guy…he had so much gobbledy-gook dialogue about everything, whether it was security systems or Greek porticos. You name it. I could just see him in the corner, constantly going over his lines and over them again. When that series ended, there was a weight off his shoulders. I had never seen anything like this. Every week, the writers were just throwing him more and more stuff to show the audience how intelligent he was, and I was, like, “Oh, man, you couldn’t pay me…”

BE: Last one: what’s your favorite of the film sequels you’ve done?

DL: Um…my favorite of the film sequels I’ve done? I don’t know. How many film sequels have I done?

BE: Well, according to IMDb, you’ve done “Slap Shot 2,” “K-9: P.I.,” “Halloween: Resurrection”…

DL: Oh, that’s right, and I did “The Butterfly Effect 2.” Well, you know, it certainly wasn’t going to win any Academy Awards, but “Slap Shot 2”…Steve Boyum, he actually directed me in an episode of “Harper’s Island” as well. He was great to work with. That guy is such a laid-back California director, and he was so much fun to work on that film. And you’ve got, like, 15 guys playing hockey. It was madness. But he handled it with aplomb. I loved working with Gary Busey. A total nutcase, but that guy knew his dialogue back to front. I would sit there and watch him with a page-long scene, and he would be word-perfect. So as crazy as you want to label him, as an actor, he’s fantastic. He’s a great, great actor. He’s insane to a point, I guess, as all actors are, but he was absolutely fun. Yeah, I had a lot of fun on that film. I wish it had turned out better than it did, but for what it was…

BE: Hey, at least it had the Hanson Brothers in it. That gives it some merit right there.

DL: Yeah, it did. And I got my picture taken with them, you can bet that!

BE: Okay, man, I think I’m good. I’m glad we finally had the chance to catch up. Great work on the show, and thanks a lot!

DL: Great, thanks. Take care!

* Missed our interview with Victim #1? Go check it out!
* Missed our interview with Victims #2 and #3? Go check it out!
* Missed our interview with Victim #4? Go check it out!
* Missed our interview with Victim #5? Go check it out!
* Missed our interview with Victim #6? Go check it out!

DON SELF

I didn’t like…

…seeing him get the drool wiped from his chin. He was a sneaky son of a bitch, but he didn’t deserve to be a vegetable. I couldn’t believe that the FBI agents fell for the “I’m-going-to-need-a-few-minutes-with-my-patient” bit.

I did like…

…his note to the agents — “KISS MY ASS” — and how the one agent had to hold the other agent back. What’s he going to do — beat him up?

CHRISTINA

I didn’t like…

…how she and her sidekick cheated death multiple times. And whatever happened to that guy when he busted into the warehouse at the end?

I did like…

…how evil they made her so that no one would mind that Sara shot her. But what was the point of having Michael get shot?

“Does anyone know why I’m shot? Anyone? Anyone?”

KELLERMAN

I didn’t like…

…that he returned. Wasn’t it a little convenient that he had “connections with the U.N.” and could give everyone a free pass? And how does this former psycho end up as a congressman. Wait, I take that back.

I did like…

…that he returned. He was always one of the most interesting characters on the show.

C-NOTE & SUCRE

I didn’t like…

…that they were intent on finding the General for no apparent reason. They didn’t know that the General had Michael at Co., so it was a complete coincidence that they arrived just in time to save everyone. You. Must. Suspend. Disbelief.

I did like…

…seeing how things turned out for these two. Sucre gets to be a dad and C-Note works for UPS. (Man, UPS has some pretty lax hiring practices in the world of “Prison Break.”)

THE GENERAL

I didn’t like…

…to see him in the electric chair. But if anyone deserves to be executed, it’s the General.

I did like…

…how he said that he was “just an old man” who “lost everything” once C-Note and Sucre showed up to save the day. He is such a snake.

MAHONE

I didn’t like…

…that he ended up with his former partner instead of his ex-wife (Callie Thorne rules), but it was good to see that he was happy. He’s been through a lot.

I did like…

…his strategy session with Michael at the beginning where he talked about not letting either party that has leverage on you know about the other.

T-BAG

I didn’t like…

…his line, “That boy has messed up every chance I had at freedom.” Um, no he hasn’t. As I remember, T-Bag had a chance at a fresh start in Panama. He had a bag full of money and a former (hot) prostitute that seemed to genuinely like him. He gave that all up because he just had to seek revenge on Michael. He got what he deserved.

I did like…

…how he had the audacity to grovel for forgiveness after nearly raping Sara, and how the gang sent him back to prison. I would have preferred it had he not ascended to a position of power, but hey, T-Bag is a survivor and he’s always going to find a way.

LINCOLN

I didn’t like…

…that he was so useless for 95% of the episode.

I did like…

…that he finally opened that scuba shop on the beach with Sofia, who was looking better than ever. But where was LJ? They referred to him by name, but why couldn’t they bring the actor back for the finale? On that note, it would have been nice to have seen where Gretchen ended up — presumably in jail. Maybe a shot of her little girl visiting her?

SARA

I didn’t like…

…the whole misdirect at the end by calling out the name “Michael” when it turned out to be her son. As soon as we saw that nosebleed on the beach and the show jumped ahead four years, everyone was wondering if our hero would make it. I realize that it would have been hokey had all the main characters lived happily ever after, but I didn’t need the misdirection with the little boy.

I did like…

…the bit about T-Bag having ED. She really got under his skin with that one.

MICHAEL

I didn’t like…

…that he had to die. But he had to die, didn’t he?

I did like…

…that he scaled the side of the loft to save his woman.

All in all, I thought it was a pretty satisfying finale. There was enough backstabbing, deceit, lying, conniving, near-rape and murder to pretty much sum up the entire series run. They dragged it out for too long, and this season was pretty frustrating at times, but they did a nice job wrapping things up.

There is a two-hour straight-to-DVD prequel movie coming out July 28th. To quote producer Matt Olmstead:

Can we assume that we’ll learn more about the ultimate sacrifice Michael made in the two-hour direct-to-DVD prequel movie [due July 28]?
OLMSTEAD: Yes, it dramatizes what happened to Michael. The nose bleed that reared its ugly head at the end of [tonight’s finale] was a factor in his ultimate demise in that he knew that he probably didn’t have that long to live, but it wasn’t the sole factor. It informed certain decisions that lead to his demise.

The two-hour movie picks up right after the finale, right?
OLMSTEAD: Yeah, it takes place fairly soon after they’re exonerated.

What’s the premise?
OLMSTEAD: Sara is on the hook for [killing] Michael’s mother and she gets locked up while pregnant. The tables are turned… once a doctor in prison now imprisoned, and Michael’s on the outside. The majority of the cast is back. It’s Michael, Lincoln, Sara, Sucre, T-Bag, Mahone… all the heavy-hitters.

Sarah is on the hook for killing Michael’s mother?

What? Wasn’t she exonerated of all wrongdoing by Kellerman and Co.? Wasn’t she just saving Michael’s life by shooting a woman who had a gun trained on him?

Sigh.

With that, the series (and this blog) comes to an end. Thanks to everyone who stuck with me throughout the entire run. I’ll leave you with the engraving on Michael’s grave stone:

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

But this episode was good. Michael and Lincoln were trapped in the hotel and the younger brother had to use his chemistry knowledge to avoid capture. Only the steal-the-uniforms-and-escape ploy (which we’ve seen a million times before) doesn’t work when you don’t take the soldiers’ shoes. I’m not sure why the police captain didn’t grab a couple of his cop buddies for backup, but hey, whatever.

“I wish we were back in prison.”

Also, why does the prime minister of India think that China is behind his son’s assassination? I must have missed the news report that connected Lincoln to the Chinese, because Mama Scofield said that she also heard that the Chinese were behind the hit. Weird.

I liked the ploy of going into the bank as bank robbers, but I have no Earthly idea how the trio located ski masks in downtown Miami on a moment’s notice. Now Michael finds himself in the unenviable position of having to choose between his brother and the love of his life. These are the kinds of situations that bring out the best in Micheal, and as a result, they bring out the best in the show. There are only four episodes left, and things are as up in the air as they’ve ever been.

And what about the bag of money that’s sitting at the bottom of the cove in Panama? Is that ever going to come back into play? Why hasn’t Lincoln told LJ and Sofia to go retrieve it?

She was pretty evil this episode, setting up her (adopted?) son Lincoln for the assassination of what’s-his-name. It seems like an awfully elaborate and risky plan when it appears that her goal was to simply get out of the city with Scylla. Why go to all this trouble to frame Lincoln and his cohorts for what’s-his-name’s assassination? She has the secret to unlimited, renewable energy in her pocket and she’s worried about these schmucks?

Midway through Mama’s conversation with Michael, after she dropped the adoption bomb, his focus went from finding Scylla to finding Linc, and I have no Earthly idea why. What’s he going to do, give him one of those Robin Williams/Will Hunting hugs and tell him — “it’s not your fault” — over and over?

“Please, just scratch out my eyes so I don’t have to watch this show anymore.”

It’s nice to have T-Bag back on the opposing team again. He’s just too dastardly to ever be a “good guy,” so this whole audition-to-be-a-Company-liason bit should keep him busy for the rest of the series run. I’m guessing that, at some point, he’ll have an opportunity to redeem himself and will have to make a choice — help himself, or do something positive in this world.

Sara needs to go ahead and tell Michael she’s pregnant. I doubt anyone really thought that Mama was going to shoot her in the back of the head after she went to the trouble of duct taping her hands together. I mean, if you’re going to execute someone, does it really matter if their hands are free?

Anyway, I almost fell asleep during the 15-minute chase scene where Lincoln, Mahone and Don were driving (then jogging) after Mama’s right hand man. It’s amazing that they weren’t able to catch up to him that entire time. After all, the guy was carrying a giant metal briefcase. I stayed awake long enough to see that Mahone called it as a setup, so I’m guessing the next episode or two will be about getting Lincoln out of this jam. We were treated to a few long shots of the bullet casing, so I’m sure that will be the key. (By the way, Linc was right there when the guy placed the casing next to the gun, wouldn’t it occur to him that maybe the sniper was setting him up? Forget about the fact that neither Don nor Mahone elected to call Linc after they figured out the whole thing was a set up. That would be too simple.)

Anything else to cover? I don’t think so. See you next week.

The “B” story this week revolved around Dr. Sara Tancredi’s reaction when she discovers that she’s pregnant. Seriously, this woman is a doctor and she’s surprised that she’s preggers after knocking boots with Michael? The only way that I’d buy her shock would be if we somehow knew that the couple was using birth control, but how do you shoehorn that into an episode of “Prison Break”?

“You’re still on the pill, right?”

Obviously, Sara is going to be reluctant to tell Michael about the pregnancy because he might snap into father mode and try to protect her from everything (and not let her help him). But the truth is that she has someone else to think about now, so she should really be avoiding any situations where a gun is pointed at her or bullets are whizzing around her head. And that means she should abandon her quest to take down the Company.

But back to the Brothers. I find this whole rivalry pretty silly. Lincoln claims that he “just wants his life back,” so he’s willing to turn over Scylla (and all of the incredible world-changing information it contains) over to the General. In effect, he’s throwing away the solution to unlimited, renewable energy (and the climate crisis) so that he, Sofia and LJ can go bowling in peace. (And this assumes that the General would even let Linc go once he has Scylla.) He’s literally putting his own needs ahead of those of the 6.7 billion people that inhabit the planet. That, my friends, is some seriously manufactured conflict.

The writers needed some hook for the last few episodes, and that’s what they decided to go with. No wonder the show’s ratings have fallen off a cliff this season. (Hey, it’s the third most pirated show, so there’s that.)