Top 5 Unofficlal awards on Oscar night

Laugh, Meryl Streep. Laugh!

When all the dust had cleared, all that was left were fake smiles of the losers and P.R. people promoting why you should see nominated films yet again. Nevertheless, there were awards that should’ve been handed out for only the best of reasons.

1. Best actress in a bout with gravity – Jennifer Lawrence. She could beat out a dozen teens trying to kill her for food in the “Hunger Games,” but she couldn’t walk in a dress without eating Oscar stairs. She got the last laugh taking home Best Actress for “Silver Linings Playbook,” but I guess being hot and coordinated was too much to ask.

2. Best Actress who left her headlights on – Anne Hathaway. Anne made an impression that only Mr. Skin could truly love. The only thing perkier than her upper chest region was the 9 year-old in the audience who probably asked her parents “Was she good enough to be the main actress likes me?

3. Best Host who was damned no matter what – Seth MacFarlane. Word is the senior members in the audience thought he was crude and unfunny. Of course, he got to be clowned by the 81 year-old William Shatner and made out with 66 year-old Sally Field. You’d think he’d get free AARP membership just for that alone. Check out the reaction shots from his “We saw your boobs” song and you’ll see why he needed an escort to his car.

4. Actor who will be referred to as “Mr. Meryl Streep” – Daniel Day Lewis. Winning an Oscar is great. Winning twice is exceptional, but winning three is just showing off. The uber-method actor is the Phil Jackson of acting right now. He’s one superhero role away from making people hating him for just being that good.

5. And the Who can get fired on Oscar night goes to…. – The Onion employee who tweeted a highly offensive comment about Quvenzhane Wallis. Quvenzhane is 9, cute and was nominated for Best Actress. The twittersphere unleashed their fury at the Onion and they rightfully suspended/reprimanded the employee in question. He or she is anonymous now, but people are already calling for their identity to get an additional pound of flesh (with dipping sauce and a biscuit).

God bless you, Hollywood.

  

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Another spin of the movie Tweet-omatic

The next “winner” in today’s game of Tweet-inspired film clips is none other than a certain Mr. Conan O’Brien. He writes:

I may be jumping into this whole Muslim controversy a little late, but really? He’s going to call himself Kareem Abdul Jabbar?

Well, there’s only one place to go from there…

  

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Entourage 7.6 – Hair

There are a lot of good things you could say about tonight’s episode, but one thing it was not was entertaining. Although there were a few laughs to be had at Drama and Turtle’s expense (the former has drunken himself into a stupor and sarcastically claims that Dos Equis has hired him for a new campaign as the Least Interesting Man), the rest of the episode leaned very heavily on Ari and Vince’s ongoing storylines. Granted, that’s pretty much been the theme of this season, but with only four more episodes to go, I was really hoping we’d see Drama finally get a job – and no, not as the voice of a cartoon character.

Unfortunately, it looks like that’s where the writers may be going after Billy Walsh suggests that Drama isn’t attractive enough to star in his own show, but has the kind of voice that could headline an animated series. It’s all part of his plan to reignite his own career with the help of Eric, who he believes can get him back into the business the same way he did with Vince. But while he may have gone straight since the “Medellin” debacle (to the point that he’s completely sober, doesn’t swear, and is now an ordained minister), this might just be his craziest idea yet. Drama may be desperate, but why in the world would he want to settle for a cartoon after spending the better part of his adult life trying to make it in Hollywood? He’d be much better off just acting on stage, and would probably make more money doing it. Voice acting can certainly be a lucrative career for some, but Drama believes too much in the craft of acting, and it would be a major disservice to his character to suddenly abandon that philosophy.

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At least Turtle’s love life is on an upswing of sorts after he finally scores with Alex, although it didn’t exactly start out great. In fact, Turtle tells the other guys that their first night together was a complete disaster after he got so freaked out from seeing Alex’s bald nether regions that he didn’t perform to his best. Alex thinks that it was Turtle’s first time (though he quickly assures her it was not) and decides to give him a second chance, which goes much better than the first. Of course, as Vince’s friend, it’s hard to imagine that Turtle has never seen (or been with) a girl who was completely shaved, so I didn’t really buy the storyline at all. Then again, it’s also hard to believe that Turtle would be so stupid to think it would be a good idea to post videos to Vince’s Twitter account of him and Sasha Grey positively smashed on his tequila.

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Almost midweek movie news

Some fairly big news to report tonight.

* It might be a bit meta for a lead, but I can’t help my happiness that Roger Ebert has been named person of the year by the Webby Awards people. I’ve been a big fan of his writing for a very long time and always thought he was the best straight-up writer of any of the major critics, but recently he has really emerged as an inspirational figure. He’s also been one of the most generous supporters of film writing on the web in a million different ways. It’s not really bragging when I mention that he’s thrown some small nods my way as well as some occasionally very funny e-mail responses over the years. He’s done the same for countless others.

And, if that wasn’t cool enough, the great cinephile social networking and blog site, the Auteurs also won an award. Well, done, folks.

* In actual movie news, remember that item last week when I said that Matthew Vaughn, most recently of “Kick-Ass,” was not going to be directing the next X-Men movie? If not, you can just keep right on forgetting because, it turns out, he is directing the film they’ll call “X-Men: First Class” — a prequel. I’m a big fan of Vaughn, though not so much of the X-Men films so far, so I find this intriguing. Some of you may remember, Vaughn departed from “X-Men 3” and the film that was, as per Cinema Blend, Matthew Vaughn, and I, almost definitely the worse for it.

* More really good news from my point of view, one of my favorite actors currently working, Chewitel Ejiofor, has been cast as definitely my favorite Afro-pop musician — okay, the only African musician I can think of that I’ve ever actually bought an album or CD by. Ejiofor will be starring in a biopic of the legendary maestro Fela Anikulapo Kuti in a film to be directed by Steve McQueen of “Hunger.” This film is not related, except by topic, to the musical “Fela!” which just got eleven Tony nominations. The cool part is not only that the Ejiofor, a first-generation Brit born of Nigerian parents, is the actor to play the part, he’s also apparently learning to play piano and saxophone (Kuti’s instruments, I believe) and had, we’re told,  become quite good.

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No fooling, it’s Thor’s-day at the movies

I don’t usually do these kind of posts on Thursdays, and it’s April Fools’ Day. However, there’s simply too much apparently non-joking, actual movie news to leave for Friday. So, here we go.

* Of course, in Hollywood, it’s not always easy to spot the April Fool’s story from the real thing. That’s why IESB frontloads their big possible, eventual scoop today with all sorts of promises that they’re not joking. Anyhow, it appears that #1 cult creator Joss Whedon, most recently of “Dollhouse” and “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” fame, is supposedly on the short list to direct “The Avengers,” currently being penned by Zak Penn.

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If you’re skeptical about this, you’re far from alone. Just check out the slightly quizzical reaction from Whedon’s robotic and slavishly devoted cult — of which I am a known member — over at Whedonesque. (I’ve even forgiven Whedon for listening too much to Rahm Emmanuel and selling out to big pharma and not fighting hard enough to keep the public option in the health care bill….Oh, wait, wrong blog.) Still, Whedon’s known for staying in touch with his fans. I strongly suspect that, if the story were completely unfounded, he’d have posted something about it by now.

One creative point. Some fans seem skeptical that a collaboration between Penn and Whedon could work. Well, of course, Whedon has actually done any number of rewrites and polishes on other people’s scripts — a lot of folks give him credit for most of the wittier portions of “Speed” — and though Penn has been involved with some pretty conventionally dull flicks in his day, he’s not completely lacking imagination and humor. His little seen 2004 comedy-thriller mock-documentary, “Incident at Loch Ness,” has some remarkably hilarious moments,  most of them courtesy of Werner Herzog, playing himself and also taking a cowriting credit. If Penn’s good enough for Herr Herzog, he’s perhaps good enough for Joss Whedon.

* Speaking of “The Avengers,” the movie about the only actual deity in the group, “Thor,” is currently in production and director Kenneth Branagh talked about the film and his affection for the Stan Lee/Jack Kirby/et al comic books in today’s L.A. Times. This was not some random publicity glad-handing but a deliberate effort to squelch some unpleasant — and, to my ear, unlikely — rumors being reported in the tabloid press which allege open on-set criticism/anger directed at newcomer-lead Chris Hemsworth from venerable master thespian Anthony Hopkins, presumably relating to the 26 year-old star’s relative lack of experience, at least compared to Hopkins.  Hopkins, who’ll be playing Thor’s even more venerable dad, Odin, and Branagh have strongly denied the rumors and painted a picture of a happy set.

I was fairly impressed with Hemsworth’s work in the opening of “Star Trek,” so I tend to lean towards the official story here. He’s also a veteran of an Aussie soap, “Home and Away,” and history teaches us that soap vets tend to become pretty good actors when actually allowed time to learn their lines properly and develop characters. I don’t know much about Hopkins on a personal level except that he’s gotten this far in his career without these kind of incidents being an issue that I can think of. I suspect it would take a titanic lack of talent/ability to visibly annoy him at this point.

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