I’d like to begin this week’s blog with a plea to the publicists at HBO to provide us with some more photo assets for “True Blood,” because I have to believe that you’re just as sick of looking at this all-purpose promo shot as I am. But what can I do? We haven’t been given new shots in ages, and that’s really the most appropriate picture I’ve got to kick off the proceedings. Basically, what I’m saying is blame HBO, not me. In the meantime, though, have another look at the gift that keeps on giving, week after week after bloody week…

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, let me applaud Alan Ball and his crew for offering up an awesome nod to the competing programming – yes, the Emmys – by kicking off tonight’s episode with “True Blood: In Memoriam,” which was a little bit of genius…and, if I’m to be honest, was more effective that the Emmy’s “In Memoriam” segment. (Loved the song, Jewel, but the pacing of the whole thing was off, possibly because they’re not used to scoring it to something other than just some plain old orchestral music.)

On to the episode proper. Bill blows into Fangtasia on a quest to find Sookie, but on his way toward the basement, he’s stopped by Pam, who tries to tell him that he just needs to chill out and put things into their proper perspective. He ignores her and heads for the stairs, but he’s taken down by Pam’s handy-dandy silver spray. As it happens, Sookie looks to have another savior: Eric’s Russian stripper girlfriend, who’s bitter at being blown off by him – possibly because he’s been underestimating her (who knew she was a cardiologist?) – and decides to let Sookie go…and the timing couldn’t be more perfect, since she pops up and saves Bill from Pam’s wrath. Pam’s kinda pissed about the situation, since she’s of the belief that things are going to go to hell if Eric isn’t able to present Sookie as a gift to The King.

Lafayette and Jesus are coming down from their crazy-ass trip. Jesus was clearly moved by the experience, but Lafayette, while admitting that it was pretty unique even for him, isn’t particularly interested in revisiting the situation again…and that was before he had his first flashback. But how about that second flashback, with all of the dolls coming to life and talking to him? Loved it.

So Jason’s girlfriend is a were-panther, eh? You can’t blame him for being a little upset at this revelation, especially since – as he informs her – he’d figured that her big secret was “shoplifting or something.” He bristles at her suggestion that he might not be a real man, but, hell, compared to the guys in her family, he actually is kind of a wuss. With no one to talk to, Jason finds himself wandering over to the the football field, where he finds his young high-school student nemesis from earlier this season alienating his girlfriend and pissing off his teammates from working them so hard, but I can’t tell if it’s because he’s on something or if it’s because he’s just kind of an obsessive jerk. (It’s probably both.)

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If I’m to be perfectly honest, this week is the first time since Season 3 began that I’ve been legitimately excited about tuning in for “True Blood.” Granted, you have to take my position with a grain of salt, since I wasn’t watching when episodes 3.7 and 3.8 originally aired, so I’m willing to admit that it’s possible I could’ve had that feeling as a result of one of those. Even so, though, I’m willing to bet that just about everyone who watched The King rip out the heart of that poor newscaster at the end last week’s episode was desperately seeking an answer to the question, “What’s going to happen now?”

I know *I* certainly was.

It was therefore mildly disappointing to have the episode begin not with The King but, rather, with Bill finally revealing Sookie’s true identity to her. Fortunately, Sookie’s reaction served as an instant salve for the wound: “I’m a fairy? How fucking lame!” I think you’d have to say that Bill didn’t exactly do the best possible job of playing up Sookie’s ancestry, and things only got worse when he was forced to admit that her people were reportedly wiped out of existence by vampires, owing to fairy blood being magically delicious. He can’t exactly confirm that the stories are true, but he can at least vouch for the awesomeness of Sookie’s blood. This immediately makes her suspicious of why Bill’s interested in her, but he swears up and down, “It’s not your blood I love. I love you – your mind, your heart, your soul – and I will foreswear ever feeding on you again if that’s what it takes to convince you of that.” Aw, isn’t he just the sweetest vampire?

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First things first: bless you, John Paulsen, for stepping in and filling my shoes so capably while I was attending the TCA press tour in Beverly Hills. Although the Hilton did have HBO, trying to find the time to sit down on the Sunday nights that I was out there and watch “True Blood,” let alone blog about it, would’ve been a major pain in the neck…vampire-related joke totally intended, of course. Indeed, I’m particularly glad that you did such a good job, as I’ve spent so much time winding down and ramping back up again that I’m relying on your write-ups to fill me in on the pair of episodes that I missed while I was otherwise occupied.

Things kicked off tonight with Eric zipping into Fangtasia and, with an absolutely-warranted tinge of panic to his voice, informing Pam that he’s just staked the lover of the Vampire King of Mississippi. Nice one, sir. Immediately after blowing off Pam’s suggestion that they hide out at Sookie’s house, good ol’ Ginger strolls into the office. “Ginger, dear, where do you live?” he asks, casually. Good idea, bad timing: a battalion of V-Feds have already established a beachhead, with the dark and despicable (yet somehow still kinda hot) Ms. Flanagan glowering at Eric, thoroughly annoyed that his actions have taken her away from pursing the ratification of the Vampire Rights Amendment. After an apparently extreme search of Fangtasia’s basement which brings up nothing (”I’m a Virgo,” says Eric, “I like to be neat”), Ms. Flanagan sits down sexily and proceeds to take Eric’s formal statement, broadcasting it by webcam to the members of The Authority…which, for some reason, immediately brought to mind Springfield Republican Headquarters on “The Simpsons.”

Eric dives headlong into his back story, adding his comments about and thoughts on The King’s philosophies, including the highly contentious statement, “Fuck The Authority,” then wrapping up with a heartfelt explanation about how he wants The King’s death to be at his own hand. Ms. Flanagan isn’t buying what Eric’s selling, however, putting him and Pam on lockdown. Pam doesn’t understand why Eric’s never told her about the depths of his haunted past, but he basically says, “It’s not your problem,” instead changing subjects and telling her that it’s time for her to become a Maker. Woo-hoo! Promotion!

The King runs in to find the decidedly disgusting remains of Talbot, which he promptly smears himself with. Ew. Just…ew. Then he sees that Eric’s stolen not one but two of his most precious possessions, the other being the artifact which dates back to the King’s destruction of Eric’s family. Oh, yeah, he’s really pissed.

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This episode was one of the few in the series that didn’t begin with a legitimate bang. Bill had just saved Sookie’s life, and all that was left was Sookie’s (screaming) reaction when she saw Bill again. Nobody in that hospital room was about to die, so after Sookie settled down and ‘broke up’ with Bill, life went on. Bill doesn’t really explain why he went crazy on Sookie’s blood, but she explains it away later (to Jason, I think) saying that Bill was near death and couldn’t control himself. Um, okay.

This episode was written by Raelle Tucker (her 6th of the series) and directed by Lesli Linka Glatter, who is an experienced director but hadn’t directed an episode of “True Blood” before. The show always has several balls in the air, but it felt especially scattered in this episode. It wasn’t until the final 10 minutes that anything actually happened.

Everything else was just setup for that final sequence or for some episode down the line. For example, there was Arlene’s vision of Rene, which literally had no impact on anything else that happened in the episode. I’m sure it was entirely necessary, but it only made the hour feel all the more frenetic, and not necessarily in a good way.

So let’s hit the high points. To me, the most interesting storyline was Eric’s continued infiltration of the King’s trust. He was playing both Russell and Talbot in order to put himself into position to avenge his family’s death. He had to flirt with Russell and get down and dirty with Talbot to get there, but he certainly got there, and it will be interesting to see what happens to him now that he’s staked Talbot. It’s not like he can blame it on someone else — both Russell and the bodyguards knew that they were together that night.

Eric’s actions essentially saved Bill’s (and Sookie’s, by proxy) life, because Russell felt Talbot’s death and flew off into the night just as he was about to put Bill out of his misery. The fight at Sookie’s house was intense, and she’s lucky that Bill and Jessica (who just went through a sweet combat training experience at Bill’s house) showed up to help. When Jessica ran outside to chase one of the werewolves, Bill was left with the choice of following her or going upstairs to save Sookie, and he chose Jessica, possibly because he had to, being her maker and all. Once Russell left, Bill went upstairs and he and Sookie made up in a big, big way.

Meanwhile, Jason’s relationship with Crystal takes another turn when she shows up at his place soaking wet after running away from her betrothed. One can only assume she and her kin are werewolves, and Jason’s confrontation with her father is only going to put him squarely in their cross hairs. But my main problem with the storyline is Crystal’s assertion that she had never been out of Bon Temps — if that’s the case, how in the world did she not at some point cross paths with Jason Stackhouse? In a small town, that would seem to be entirely impossible.

Other than Sookie’s flirtation with Alcide, everything else that happened this week seemed to be swirling about on the fringe — Tara’s strange recovery, Lafayette’s mom and Jesus’s arrival, Sam sending his own mom away, and Holly, the new waitress.

Taking a step back, I can see how some might compare the romantic triangle between Sookie, Bill and Alcide with what apparently goes on in “Twilight,” but the books that “True Blood” were based on were published a full four years earlier. So, if anything, “Twilight” is a watered down version of “True Blood,” not the other way around. (I’m not saying it is, I’m just saying that the “True Blood” story came first.)

Anyway, Will Harrris will be back at the keyboard next Sunday, so my time steering the ship has come to an end. Moving forward, while some have been critical of the third season, we have all the makings for a strong finish. (Namely, one crazy, pissed-off, 3000-year-old vampire.)

My esteemed colleague, Will Harris, asked me to cover the “True Blood” blog for a couple of episodes while he does his thing at the TCA press tour. So before we move on, let’s go ahead and lower those expectations.

Lowered? Good.

First, there’s the issue of Lorena, who is about to kill Sookie in the woodshed. (That sounds a little like some backwoods version of Clue, doesn’t it?) Lorena marvels at how good she tastes, underlying the ongoing question of the third season — just what is Sookie Stackhouse?

Bill manages to jump Lorena and hold her down while Sookie stakes her. Killing off a minor, yet important character is always an interesting way to start an episode, and it looks like Lorena’s hold over Bill is finally over.

There were a couple of scenes in the episode where Thin Lizzy’s “Jailbreak” would have been an appropriate soundtrack. First, to get off the King’s compound, Alcide had to kill Cooter and lock his ex-girlfriend in the shed — instead of putting her down, which will no doubt come back to bite him, pun intended — before loading Sookie, Bill and Tara up in the truck to get them the hell out of Dodge. During the escape, he kills another werewolf, which will only serve to embolden the pack’s desire to track him down.

The other jailbreak was Sam’s adventure to the dogfights, which have to be one of the most despicable ways to spend a sunny afternoon. After cheering him on when he let all of those dogs loose, I laughed out loud (literally LOL) when he convinced that Rottweiler that he’d be far better off making a run for it than standing there snarling at him.

One question that I have with regard to Tommy’s involvement in the fights — why doesn’t he just shapeshift into the biggest, baddest pit bull in Louisiana?

Back to the truck — Sookie offers up her blood to Bill, and he partakes — oh man, does he partake. It’s obvious that her blood has an effect on Bill, because he doesn’t have any recollection of what happened when he comes to. Funny that Lorena didn’t have the same reaction — it must be something specifically about Bill, right?

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Now that’s what I call an opening!

The King drags Sookie into the royal mansion as Lorena’s coming down the grand staircase, Eric and Talbot stroll in, and Bill – who’s kind of been bringing up the rear – is thrown to the floor and declared to be a traitor. Instead of giving up the ghost, though, Bill stakes the King’s bodyguard and attempts to take down His Majesty, too. It proves a laughable effort, however, as Bill is shunted upwards into the ceiling and then comes crashing down on the staircase. Ouch…but now we cue Eric, who steps in and immediately starts sucking up to the King, telling him he’d better hold on to this fine new filly he’s found himself.

Really, you can’t blame Sookie for her response: “Eric, what the fuck?”

There’s a whole lot of pissed-off people in the royal mansion: Talbot’s annoyed that the King isn’t giving him any say in what goes on in their homestead, and Lorena’s angry that Bill’s being sent to the slave quarters to be slain. I’d love to see a cat fight between Lorena and Sookie, I surely would. Lorena might want to wear Sookie’s ribcage as a hat, but I still wouldn’t count Sookie out of any such fight.

The clientele at Merlotte’s is far more discerning that I would’ve expected. Anyone asking the help how the peas are served in that place deserve whatever answer they get…or whatever they find in their peas. Obviously, there’s still some serious flirtation going on between Lafayette and Jesus, but we’ll get back to that in a moment. First, we should have a laugh at the whole Arlene / Jessica plot thread. I laughed at just about every moment those two shared tonight, whether it was Jessica’s fangs popping out when Arlene cut her finger, Arlene’s completely horrified reaction (particularly her concern that her pregnancy made for an added temptation), or – most hilariously – Arlene’s assurance that she takes garlic supplements. In the end, Jessica offered an olive branch of sorts by getting Curlers to offer up a tip before offering herself up as a snack…and, hey, nobody got killed! Looks like Jessica learned something from Pam after all…

Okay, back to the Lafayette / Jesus flirtation. Jesus talked about his past, and, amazingly Lafayette actually seemed to be falling for him, though he clearly was taken aback by the concept of taking it slow. Things looked like they were getting pretty sweet between them…and then, a little later, they suddenly weren’t. Oh, sure, they did double-team the hillbillies like they were Jean Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman, but as soon as Jesus learned that Lafayette was a dealer, things went south in a hurry. This, of course, begs the question as to whether or not Lafayette cares enough about Jesus to consider trying to get out of the game…and if Eric will let him do so.

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“Mmmm, spicy!” So says Talbot, the close personal friend of the Vampire King of Mississippi, as he takes a big whiff from Tara, who’s tied up next to the dining room table. Franklin tells him to piss off, and so it is established immediately that these two aren’t exactly thrilled with each other, a fact which is decidedly underlined by the breaking out of the fangs a few moments later. (In fairness, Franklin called Talbot “the cleaning lady.” Not cool, man.) Before the two can really get down to business, though, Bill, Lorena, and the King are back in the building…and, oh, the look on Tara’s face! And it only gets worse when Bill is totally dismissive of her plight. While meeting with the King, we learn that Franklin has a history of causing trouble amongst humans, but for what it’s worth, he seems to legitimately like Tara…not that it makes him any less batshit crazy.

So was it just me, or was that a ridiculously anticlimactic departure from the were-club? Unless my memory is failing me, Alcide told Sookie to run, she ran, and…the next thing we see, they’re driving off together in the truck? I feel more than a little bit gypped. Anyway, Wereboy’s busy reminiscing about the good ol’ days with his ex-girlfriend, Debbie, while Sookie’s intuition has convinced her that Bill’s connected to Russell in some capacity or other. That girl’s got a nice set of instincts on her. There’s also a touching moment when Debbie stops by to scream at Sookie, at which point it’s like we’ve stepped into an episode of “The Jerry Springer Show,” but the scene serves to confirm that Debbie doesn’t know anything about Bill.

Eric turns up at the King’s pad, duly impressing Talbot, who’s pretty clearly undressing him with his eyes. Unfortunately, the discussion between Eric and the King goes south almost immediately when Eric tries to blame Bill for all the shenanigans back in Bon Temps, only to have Bill step out of the shadows behind him. As usual, the tension between Bill and Eric was palpable, which was good to see again, and I loved the expression on Eric’s face when he absorbed the information that Sookie was now a free woman. So maybe everyone can work together like one big happy vampire family? Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it…

I just don’t know what to make of this whole Franklin / Tara storyline. She’s petrified, he’s crazy…nah, I’m just not seeing a future in it. And, clearly, neither is Tara, given the way she manages to cut herself free and make a run for it. I’m a little skeptical that she could’ve succeeded in escaping from literally under a vampire’s nose, but it doesn’t matter, anyway, since she ends up getting chased and captured by a werewolf. So he’s planning to turn her and make her his vampire wife, huh? Cue another freaked-out expression from Tara.

Things in the sheriff’s office have clearly gone to shit since Sheriff Bud left. Looks like Andy’s dealing with Jason’s threats of blackmail by giving him a gig, and, man, are the deputies pissed about it. Clearly, the desk job isn’t exactly what Jason signed on for, as was proven with the comedy montage of him performing that brilliant paperclip limbo, smearing fingerprint ink everywhere, and so forth. It was deeply dumb, yes, but I laughed in spite of myself. Andy’s managed to pull some strings for Jason, but even so, he’s still got to take a handwritten exam, which is his worst nightmare…literally. A bit later, while he was out washing cars, he spotted the cute blonde driving by. Frankly, I’d all but forgotten about Jason seeing that girl in the woods, but I enjoyed the Flatt & Scruggs styled music playing while he was in hot pursuit. Again, watching him approach her truck wearing nothing but pants and sunglasses was so completely ridiculous that I had to laugh. Although he invites her to meet him at Merlotte’s later in the evening, it looks as though she’s stood him up…until he strolls outside and sees her walking away. They end up wandering into the woods, where they make out and she says cryptic things like, “There’s no forever for us, only now.” What’s her deal, anyway?

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Tonight’s episode kicks off with Sookie trying to make her new werewolf pal, Alcide, feel a little less crappy about having gotten his ass kicked in Lou Pine’s were-bar. Alcide’s pissed that his brethren would indulge in vampire blood and sad about the departure of his fiancée, the latter feeling only slightly less shoehorned into the script than it did in the previous episode. Sookie obviously felt guilty about the way she was laying hands on Alcide, but one suspects that the guilt only lasted until the phone rang and Bill dumped her. I know he’s doing it because he thinks it’s the only way to save her life, but the effect it’s having on Sookie is clearly traumatizing the poor girl. She gets into a debate with Alcide over what Bill said, why he said it, and what it all means, but it’s quickly made obvious that the last person who she ought to be talking to about her situation is a werewolf dealing with his own relationship problems. Thank God the guy’s got some semblance of restraint, but come the next morning, things somehow end up even more tense between them, with Alcide accusing her of being a doormat and Sookie demanding that he take her to his ex-fiancee’s engagement party. Yeah, ‘cause that’s an event every guy wants to attend…

Alcide’s sister, Janice, sure knows how to offer a compliment, telling Sookie that she’s cute and sweet, but only after admitting that she’d’ve settled for a two-bit hooker to get her brother’s mind off his ex-fiancee. Between what Janice said and what Sookie heard her thinking, it appears there are some serious parallels between the relationships of Sookie and Alcide, insofar as how long one should suffer through first love before realizing that it might not be worth all the trouble. But I digress, when I should be pointing out how Janice made Sookie look like Joan Jett’s hot little sister. (Marjorie Kase suggested that I throw a “Sandy from ‘Grease’” reference into my write-up. I’m guessing this is a reference to the “tell me about it, stud” transformation.) Unsurprisingly, Alcide isn’t exactly pleased to hear the news about Debbie’s situation, but he nonetheless agrees to help Sookie get into her party…which we’ll get back to discussing in a little bit.

Sam’s ready to kick his little brother’s ass for sneaking into his office, but in the process of trying to hunt him down, he stumbles upon his family’s van and learns that they’re temporarily camped out in his parking lot because of unpaid rent. Mom and Dad are less than thrilled at the news, but they’re not in any way surprised, either. Meanwhile at Merlotte’s, Jason tries to buy a round for his boys, but he ends up suffering pangs of jealousy over some young high school punk, while Sheriff Bud really is retiring, apparently, and he’s been given a pair of “dancing shoes” as a farewell gift. The revelation that Andy’s taking over the reigns of command pisses Jason off, though, sending him over to start some shit with the aforementioned young punk. Jason might’ve confused the kid with his “ten years from now” speech, but it actually made more sense than most of the things that’ve come of his mouth on this show. Also, Jessica’s working for Sam as a hostess…but not a waitress, owing to the fact that she’s forever trapped at the age of 17 and therefore unable to sell alcohol for all perpetuity (have these people never heard of a fake ID?)…but being out in the open leads her to be spotted by a former Bible-study classmate. Clearly, she’s got the hang of this glamoring thing, but too bad Hoyt got the wrong impression by only seeing the situation from a distance. So Hoyt’s jealous, Deputy Jones and Jason are both pissed, Arlene’s sobbing because the number of redheads employed by the bar has suddenly doubled…yep, it’s just another night in Merlotte’s. Oh, and by the way, Sam’s family is having a cookout in the parking lot. Son of a…

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Bright and early this morning…by which we mean 8:40 AM EST / 5:40 AM PST…the nominees for the 62nd Primetime Emmy Awards were announced by Joel McHale (”Community,” “The Soup”) and Sofia Vergara (”Modern Family”). It ended up being a worthwhile gig for one of them, at least, with Vergara pulling in a Supporting Actress nod for “Modern Family.” Maybe that’s why McHale seemed so stone-faced. (Seriously, did someone tell McHale that he wasn’t getting paid if he didn’t keep his smart-assery in line ’til after the nominees were read? The only time he cracked anything approaching a joke was when he preempted Vergara’s mangling of Mariska Hargitay’s last name.) Anyway, here’s a list of who got the glory…and, in the case of Best Actress in a Drama, who got the shaft.

Outstanding Comedy Series:

* Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO)
* Glee (Fox)
* Modern Family (ABC)
* Nurse Jackie (Showtime)
* The Office (NBC)
* 30 Rock (NBC)

My Pick: “Modern Family.” There’s no question that “Glee” is award-worthy, but not necessarily as a comedy, which is also where “Nurse Jackie” falters in this category. I feel like “The Office” and “30 Rock” coasted in on their past merits this year, but “Curb” got a huge boost from the “Seinfeld” storyline, so it’s the only real competition here. Still, the buzz on “Modern Family” is all over the place. I can’t imagine it won’t bring home the glory.

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I feel obliged to open this week’s blog by asking a question that’s been gnawing at me for the past two weeks: am I the only one who isn’t really caught up in Season 3 of “True Blood” in the same way as Season 2? At first, I blamed it on the fact that I was coming off the ridiculously-real feel of “Breaking Bad” and hadn’t yet re-acclimated myself to the town of Bon Temps, then I considered the possibility that it’s because no one thus far in Season 3 has really grabbed me the way Maryann the Maenad did when she first made the scene, but now I’m just wondering if it’s because the pop culture landscape is so riddled with vampires that I’m starting to feel the overkill. I’ll give the show credit this week for a consistently enjoyable episode, but I wish it hadn’t opened and closed with scenes that were so thoroughly disconcerting that they couldn’t help but leave a significant impact: to leave me thinking, “That’s not awesome. That’s just disgusting.”

As for the opening, I obviously heard the gun go off at the tail end of last week’s episode, but I didn’t really think much about what the end result would be, as I was focused more on what Eric was about to do. As such, I certainly didn’t expect the end result to be Eric leaping in front of the bullet so that the werewolf would survive at least long enough for him to interrogate him for a bit. It was good to hear Sookie using her powers again, and the back-and-forth between the werewolf and Eric made me laugh, even if it was a predictable exchange (“You might as well go ahead and kill me now.” “As you wish.”), but you’ll forgive me, I hope, for my feelings on the throat-ripping scene, which was so gross as to deflate what otherwise would’ve been a smirk-worth comment from Eric: “Got your rug all well.” The duo quickly dispose of the corpse, with Eric acting surprisingly worried about the threat of werewolves. In addition to his not-very-couched hint about his feelings toward Sookie (”I don’t expect you to understand.” “I understand very well.”), I also thought it was interesting the way Eric recognized the werewolf’s accent. Who knew that vampires had an ear for such things?

The storyline within the King’s palace in Mississippi wasn’t nearly as interesting as the trip it served to take us on, but it was amusing to see His Majesty mock his “associate” and his tendency to overemphasize the importance of their nice things. The conversation between the King and Bill was somewhat educational, with the former asking Bill vampire to vampire about his feelings toward Sookie, basically saying that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if Bill were to turn her. Bill’s not having any of that, though, and the next thing you know, he’s on a trip down memory lane, recalling the awful experience that he was forced to endure as a result of being turned by Lorena. Revisiting his first post-turning encounter with his family, having to look upon the body of his dead son and suffer through the emotional torture of his wife’s reaction to his vampirism…you wouldn’t wish that on anybody. And then for Lorena to tell him that he’d be doing Carolina a favor by basically wiping her memory? Rough stuff, to be sure. You can see why Bill pledged dedication to Mississippi, but you know Sookie’s going to have something to say about it.

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