Golden Globes, Taylor-Tina Face Off

Young celebrity relationships are, for the most part, entirely futile. I learned this after Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears called it quits due to a mysterious misdemeanor on her part. The two then carried out a prolonged, dramatic breakup that only proved how perfect they were for each other.

Or take any relationship that Taylor Swift has entered, ever, for instance.

Like children away at sleep away camp, it seems real time plays no relative matter as the two relatively awestruck and dough eyed mini moguls careen into a whirlwind of super love that lands them straight into the arms of the press, and connectedly, the dining room tables of their beloved fans.  What then follows is a few weeks, months, or maybe even years of a picture perfect seeming love affair, time tabled by tabloids, speculated on by the spectators, and consumed by the masses.

Some of them extend no further than dating, some of them manage, at least, an ill fated engagement, and others even make it to the isle. Very few, however, actually stand the test of time.

But let’s face it, most of these romances, much like Swift’s,  end abruptly after a brief courtship due to a minor hiccup of disagreement or miscommunication. We know there are many fish in the sea, and in Hollywood the fish are much prettier, but aren’t relationships supposed to be built on trust, strengthened though tryst, and tested with time?

Of course, arguments can be made that all of society falls into this category; all with the divorce rate soaring at a skyrocketing rate of dismal and depressing. But, in real life, nobody is praised or applauded for holding hands one day, and announcing engagements the next.

More so, reactions would generally be, “Are you crazy? Do you even know what they do for a living?”

This, of course, is not all celebrities, as some relationships have taken on the world and proved love can even be realized by even the most dense of people. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, for example.

However, it seems that most of these youngsters hop around just way too fast testing out these shiny new toys without actually realizing the heftiness they are holding in regard to their public image, or the message they are sending to their tiny fans. In so much, people will think things, tabloids will say things, and comedians will joke on things.

And if you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. Or, at least try wearing an oven mitt.

Look Swift,  God knows I’m your biggest fan, and I am only jealous of your optimistic ability to jump head first into each romance, but if your’re going to do it, you have to take the jokes that are coming your way in stride. The world is going to laugh at you, and you must laugh at yourself.

Also, you must never insinuate anything negative about Tina Fey and/or Amy Poehler because they are, quite simply, Gods.

Maybe you’ll think I’m going to Hell too for writing this, but hopefully you can see I am just offering advice as a fan.

I own all you albums, having legally paid for them, and sing your songs off of balconies on cruise ships with my little sister. Who, need I mention, also attended a concert on your last tour as a birthday gift from me. So you see, I am rooting for you.

You’re welcome.

http://www.vanityfair.com/online/oscars/2013/03/amy-poehler-taylor-swift-vanity-fair-cover-story-tina-fey>

 

  

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American Idol: awkward and head-scratching

Last night “American Idol” Season 8 on FOX kicked into high gear with 12 of the final 36 contestants performing in front of 25 million TV viewers, a live audience, the four celebrity judges and Ryan Seacrest. And since it’s the eighth season, we can forgive them for a few awkward moments and some bad technical issues, right? Wrong! Okay, it’s live TV and most of these singers have never performed on a stage of this magnitude, so it’s okay if some of them stumble on their words when Seacrest sticks a microphone in their face. But there were some bad sound problems, and even a moment where a video montage of the wrong contestant forced Seacrest to improvise. He does that really well, but he shouldn’t have to. I have a feeling someone is getting fired today, or slapped with a written warning.

Anyway, things are different this season since they added a fourth judge–Kara DioGuardi. This was inevitably going to make the comments from the panel take even more time. Also, of the twelve performing each of the first three Tuesdays of live shooting, only three make it through to the finals–one guy, one girl, and the next highest vote getter. What does this mean? It means you have to be damn good the first time out and you have to pick the right song, something the contestants of Idol seem to mess up with stunning regularity. After each one sang, we’d get about five minutes of judging banter and then an interview with each contestants’ parents and/or spouse as soon as they came off stage. Whoever came up with this idea is likely being handed a pink slip now as well. Damn, I feel like Donald Trump today. Anyway, it was really awkward, especially for those who performed horribly…and there were a few of those.

Here is how it went down, broken down by the good performances, the in-between and the bad, as we have done before in this space.

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