Was it just me, or did the conclusion of tonight’s “True Blood” season finale feel somehow…anticlimactic? After spending the majority of the season waiting for the grand conclusion of the great and powerful Maryann’s storyline, only to have those matters wrapped up by the time the episode reached its halfway point, I felt a little cheated. Not that it necessarily needed to be dragged out any longer than it already had been, but, still, it felt like things ended not with a bang but a whisper, which is exactly what we haven’t come to expect from this series.

After Sookie was forced by Lafayette to slip into a bridesmaid dress but before all Hell broke loose, we found out from Maryann that Sookie is “beyond human,” though we didn’t make any particular headway in discovering what that actually means. Sookie did, however, finally break down and ask the question that the majority of the viewers had been wondering since last week: “Okay, what is with the egg? Did you lay it?” Nope, it’s an ostrich egg, and it represents fertility. Fair enough.

Jason and Andy once again scored a couple of classic comedic moments, with the best being Jason’s recitation of great movie quotes, concluding with, “I love the smell of nail polish in the morning.” I was surprised, however, to see both of them quickly slip over to the dark side. (I really thought that Andy was immune to Maryann’s powers, and that we were going to find out this week why he hadn’t ended up as one of her minions.)

As for Maryann’s marriage ceremony, I dug the off-kilter wedding march, but the nuptials themselves were a letdown. After Sam and Bill had their discussion at Merlotte’s, we knew that Bill wouldn’t just give Sam over to Maryann, so it was obvious that the two of them had concocted a plan of some sort. I admit to being surprised that Sam was actually stabbed…I didn’t know what their plan was, but I figured it would kick off before the knife hit flesh…but when the ox (I guess that’s what it was) turned up, my immediate thought was, “Okay, I’m not sure how, but that’s got to be Sam.” And it was, thanks to Bill having provided him with enough vamp blood to kickstart his healing process. I question the expediency of the healing, but, hey, Maryann and her mole claws (that’s what they looked like to me, anyway) got their just desserts, and the actual moment of impact, as it were, looked good and probably earned a few cheers from various viewers. Too bad it happened at the 27-minute mark of the episode, leaving us with way too much time to wrap up loose ends and throw out a few new threads to linger ’til Season 3 kicks off.

But, okay, fair enough, let’s talk about what happened in the post-Maryann portion of the episode.

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“Is this a bad time?”

You know, for as much as I’ve decried the lack of eroticism inherent in blood, Evan Rachel Wood is so damned sexy that you could almost…not quite, but almost…overlook the fact that her face was covered with the stuff when she made her first appearance this evening. Or maybe it was the other woman moaning in the background that helped make the scenario somehow more sexy than creepy. Whatever the case, it was clear from the get-go that Queen Sophie-Anne LeClerq, Vampire Queen of Louisiana, was not going to be a woman to be trifled with. She knows more than any other vampire we’ve seen, and although we didn’t necessarily see all that much of her power, all we really had to see was the way Bill acted around her to know that, man, she’s got to be off-the-charts powerful. Her comments throughout the episode ranged from funny (”I haven’t enjoyed sex with men since the Eisenhower administration”) to cynical (”Never underestimate the power of blind faith”) to a combination of the mystical and the mystifying (”Everything that exists imagined itself into existence”), but the most telling of her comments came from her complete dismissal of Maryann and her actions. In short, she can’t really be bothered by this creature…or much of anything outside of her own existence, really. Looks like the holier-than-thou manner of royalty remains consistent within both the human and the vampire worlds.

Poor Hoyt. He gets pissy with Jessica for her decision to bite his mother because of her insolent comments, only to have her offer disconcerting revelations about how she’s been longing to head over to Merlotte’s to find herself some manly company, then put the cherry on top of the conversation by destroying everything he ever knew about his father and his noble death.

Poor Tara. She was so chomping at the bit to save Eggs that she basically tried to alienate every single person in the house. My wife theorized that her angry words were due to the approaching mob, but, no, it appears that she was just being incredibly shitty. During her awful heart-to-heart chat with her mama, she did her very best to make her mother feel like complete and total shit…and, yet, Mama responds by playing the sucker and deciding that this is her only possible way to get her daughter back. I don’t blame her for her desperation, but, c’mon, this is Tara’s cousin and best friend. Given everything that had gone down in the previous few hours, did she really think that her daughter knew best?

I can’t imagine that anyone would deny that, if this episode belonged to anyone other than Queen Sophie-Anne, it was the tag-team dumb-ass duo of Jason and Detective Andy. Who would’ve thought that Andy would turn out to be the sensible one of the pair? There were laughs from Sam’s attempts to explain his shapeshifting abilities to them (eventually leading to the discussion later in the episode where Jason tried to work out the most sordid angles of Sam’s powers), from Jason’s dramatic comment about having read about the impending Armageddon in a book (just when you thought he was going to say it was the Bible, he revealed that it was Max Brooks’s “World War Z”), from trumpeting his awesomeness and then promptly running headlong into a tree, and…oh, hell, there were too many laughs to count, but the one that still resonates the most was surely this line.

“‘Sometimes you need to destroy something to save it.’ That’s in the Bible. Or the Constitution.”

God love you, Jason Stackhouse.

The whole sequence within the sheriff’s station was hilarious, though I thought it was a bit cheap to have Andy be wearing kevlar underneath his shirt when he got shot. Still, how can you go wrong with William Sanderson dancing his heart out in his boxers? Their intense discussion in the truck was pretty hilarious in its own right, particularly Jason’s assurance that “I watch a lot of porn to learn stuff,” but the sudden decision to turn this mystical invasion into something patriotic was somehow perfect for these two redneck yokels. The only thing that would’ve made it better would’ve been to have Jason and Andy start singing “God Bless The USA.”

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All hell has broken loose in Bon Temps. Quite literally, from the looks of things. As Jason so eloquently put it, “This is fuckin’ fucked up!” Agreed.

It amazed me how nonchalantly Sookie and Bill walked into Sookie’s house (or what used to be her house) after seeing the sacrificial offering erected in her front yard. At the very least, wouldn’t Bill lead the way instead of letting Sookie walk in first? Sure enough, Maryann comes in shortly thereafter and, once pleasantries have been exchanged and Sookie pulls her patented Tough Chick act, Maryann slams her up against the wall. Bill to the rescue! In the split second before Bill sunk his teeth into Maryann’s neck, I wondered how her blood would affect him. Yeah, not good. Well, not good for Bill, anyway, but judging by Maryann’s cries of “yes, ravage me!” it looks like she enjoyed it plenty. She also enjoyed the little laser light show that shot out of Sookie’s hand. “What are you?” Maryann asked several times following that incident, a look of amazed curiosity on her face. Sam may be Maryann’s priority right now, but Maryann is so utterly fascinated by Sookie after their encounter that I’m guessing she will be Maryann’s primary target before the season is over. That’s not to say that Maryann will give up on Sam – she seems pretty intent on tracking him down, to say the least – but like Eric before her, Maryann has eyes for Sookie.

Speaking of eyes, just about everyone in town has those utterly creepy, dead, black eyes, including Miss Tara Mae. To quote last week’s post from esteemed blogger Will Harris, whose shoes I hope to be at least serviceably filling tonight: “While I’m sure there have been less successful interventions than the one by Lafayette and Tara’s mama, *I* haven’t seen one.” Well, Lafayette would seem to agree with Will when, after trying prayer, pleading and a vicious slap across the face, he uttered, “This has to be the worst motherfucking intervention in history.” A little later, Lafayette’s invitation to Bill provided another highlight in an episode full of great moments. Some of those moments were funny — Eggs cheerfully asking Maryann, “You want us to kill something, so it’s extra fresh?” — while some were of the more disturbing variety, like Tara promising, “He’s on his way and he’s going to kill us all.” I’m telling you, those eyes give me the willies!

So now that Bill and Sookie were able to team up and pull Tara out of her trance, I wonder just how easily she can fall back into it. Lord knows Lafayette will do everything in his power to keep Tara away from Maryann, but you just know she’ll try to go rescue Eggs at some point. Maryann didn’t seem overly concerned about Tara leaving last week when Lafayette and Tara’s mama rescued her from Sookie’s house, but maybe that’s because she knew Tara would be back soon enough. Hey, everyone digs Maryann’s parties!

In fact, when I say “everyone,” I mean damn near everyone, since just about the entire town is now in Maryann’s employ as she hunts Sam down. Has there ever been a more formidable duo than Sam Merlotte and Andy Bellefleur? Okay, don’t answer that, but at least Andy provided some good laughs tonight, most notably after Sam told him that Maryann probably wanted to cut out his heart in front of a bunch of naked people. “And people thought I was crazy for seein’ a pig.” Poor Andy, although he doesn’t look so crazy now. One wonders whether Andy or Jason came up with the idea to trick the townies into thinking that Jason was Dionysus (or whomever the hell they’re all waiting for), but it worked like a charm, thanks in no small part to Sam’s disappearing act. Andy’s and Jason’s reaction to that was perfect, and the bare-ass-apron shot was a great touch. It’s great to see Jason taking charge in the wake of his L.O.D.I. training, and it looks like he’ll be on the frontlines when this all comes to a head over the final two episodes.

Admittedly, there is plenty that I’m missing here (Terry was awesome tonight as the commander of the townie brigade, as was Hoyt’s batshit crazy mom), but I’ll wrap it up with a comment about last week’s blog entry from fellow PH blogger John Paulsen: “One thing this show does better than just about any other I’ve seen is end each episode with a bang…usually some sort of revelation/cliffhanger that keeps the audience wanting more.” True to form, I sure as hell want to know who the Queen is and why she has a horde of Mr. Smiths surrounding her house. At first I thought Bill might be going to see Lorena, but that doesn’t make much sense. Either way, it’s looking like the Queen will be playing a pivotal role in the war that’s about to go down in Bon Temps. I’m just wondering who’s going to survive, and who won’t.

Well, you know what the Smiths said: if it’s not love, then it’s the bomb that will bring us together. And so it was at the beginning of this week’s “True Blood,” as we saw Sookie suck the silver shrapnel right out of Eric, God love her…and, by the way, the phrase “suck the silver shrapnel” clearly needs to be popularized as a double entendre post-haste. (On a related note, I also anticipate quoting Sookie’s exclamation, “You big lying A-hole,” enough to bring it into the pop culture lexicon pretty quickly.) Eric’s delivery of the phrase “she was superb” to Bill was genius…as, for that matter, was his chicanery to get hooked into Sookie’s emotions. The intimate discussion between Sookie and Bill no doubt thrilled fans of Charlaine Harris’s original novels, as it confirmed that they were finally going to get what they’ve been waiting for: a pairing-up between Sookie and Eric. And is it me, or was that the most erotically charge scene of the season to date? Maybe it’s just because there was no blood being smeared this time around.

Jason was clearly suffering from a little post-traumatic stress, given the way he looked when he saw Luke’s dismembered hand. As a result, the discussion between Sookie and Jason wasn’t terribly surprising, but it was sweet and heartfelt, a tone we’ve not seen between the two of them in quite some time. You can’t blame Jason for slipping into depression over their lack of family, but kudos to Sookie for giving him a kick in the pants about growing up. I doubt if it’ll take, given his history, but it’s a start, anyway. By the way, only a sister could get away with telling a guy that he’s lazy rather than dumb and to say that she sometimes wants to stick his head in a bucket and kick it around the yard. Did you notice that she gave him shit, but he opted to avoid any insults, even in jest? Maybe he’s smarter than I’ve given him credit for.

Could Jessica and Hoyt be any cuter a couple? I loved that comment from Hoyt when he was doing verbal battle with his mother, smacking her down for only bothering to bring up his father when she doesn’t like something he’s doing. But, then, I loved pretty much that entire scene, particularly when he was listing off the various types of people she doesn’t like. (As someone who was raised in the South, I dare say that I’ve heard her excuse about how why she doesn’t like vampires – “it was the way I was brought up” – more than a few times in a different context.) I think it was always a given that the meet-and-greet at Merlotte’s between Jessica, Hoyt, and his mama was already going to go poorly, but who knew it would result in Mama being around for Maryanne’s explosive entrance into the place later that evening?

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First off, my apologies for the delay in getting this week’s blog onto the site. If you’ve been following my various posts on Premium Hollywood over the course of the past two weeks, then you know that I’ve been out in Pasadena for the Television Critics Association press tour. The festivities wrapped up on Saturday night, and I spent the majority of Sunday traveling home to Virginia, and when I got there, I must admit that seeing my wife and daughter again took precedent over watching “True Blood,” and even after my daughter went to bed, any desire to watch this week’s episode with my wife was conquered by an undeniable need to sleep. I’m still feeling way off my game, thanks to the wonders of jetlag, but I’ve finally had a chance to watch last night’s episode. My apologies, however, if things aren’t in-depth this time around as usual.

This was a Godric-heavy episode, the first we’ve ever had, and it was nice to see this mysterious character we’ve heard so much about become more fleshed out. Despite everyone giving us the impression that he was this old-school bad-ass of a vampire, it turns out that he’s actually more thoughtful than any of the vamps we’ve seen to date, having become highly interested in the possibilities of a vampire / human alliance. I always seem to be let down whenever I have high hopes for characters on this show, but it would be nice to think that he’s shaping up to be the Martin Luther King of his people. Between his ending of the battle in the church, giving Hugo a reprieve, and giving Lorena that smackdown at the party, he just spent the episode getting more and more awesome.

Jason had a lot of good material in this week’s episode, from his stupidity (I had to pause the TiVo until after I stopped laughing about his response when Sarah told him he was worse than Judas: “Why, what’d he do to you?”) to his attempt to bluff his way through the lockdown (”"I’m a cadet with the Light of Day Institute, I’m strapped”) to his smackdown of Reverend Steve (”I reckon I’ve been to Heaven: I’ve been inside your wife”), but let us not forget that he was also responsible for doling out one of the most awkward hugs in recent TV history. Kudos to Bill for taking it in the spirit in which it was intended, even if he couldn’t muster much post-hug enthusiasm. It looks like the Jason / Erik relationship is also burgeoning, so I’ll be curious to see where that goes in future episodes.

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There are no two ways around it: last night was a very strange night.

I’ll post more details about it later, but in a nutshell, the Television Critics Association Awards took place on Saturday, Aug. 1st, where “True Blood” was named Outstanding New Program. As with all good awards shows, there was a pre-show party and a post-show party, and although neither Anna Paquin nor Stephen Moyer were available to stand with executive producer Alan Ball as he accepted the award, several of their fellow cast members were in attendance, including Sam Trammell, Nelsan Ellis, Rutina Wesley, and Michelle Forbes. Actually, Alexander Skarsgard and Deborah Ann Woll were there for awhile, too, but Mr. Skarsgard disappeared moments after the ceremony was over, and although Ms. Woll stuck around for a bit longer, she managed to slip out before I ever had the chance to speak with her. I hope you’ll enjoy the photos of the folks I did manage to chat with, though. They’re scattered throughout this week’s entry.

Speaking of that, I should probably offer one small warning: I’m out in L.A. for the TCA press tour, and although I had an advance copy of tonight’s episode to watch, I’ll be the first to admit that my mind was going a dozen other places while I was watching it. So if I missed out on anything or perhaps misinterpreted something, let me go ahead and apologize right now.

And, now, on with the show…

Well, obviously, we knew Sam was going to find a way to escape from his captivity, but they managed to wring the suspense out of it nonetheless; we even saw him manage to transform into something other than a dog – a significant accomplishment, I dare say – and fly away to safety. From there, Sammy got his gun and made it quite clear that he wasn’t afraid to use it, but…am I the only one who thought he was heading off to find Maryann? Not that it didn’t make sense that he’d go after Daphne, given that she’d committed such a personal betrayal, but I was still figuring that he was heading to take down the big dog. Daphne managed to stay pretty cool for somebody who was having a gun waved in her face, but Sam was plenty emotional for the both of them. How could you not feel bad for the guy? He thought he’d found his soulmate. Instead, he got stabbed in the back…which is why there was a certain temptation to cheer a short while later, when Daphne got stabbed in the front. Not that you didn’t know it was coming. I think we can all agree that there has rarely been a scene featuring the line “thank you for your service” which has ever ended well for the person being thanked. As far as Maryann, she’s clearly not God, but…what is she? A maenad? Well, I can’t say as I expected Greek mythology to tie into this storyline, but it’s certainly getting more intriguing all the time, that’s for sure.

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All right, kids, I’m back to blogging, though given the amount of responses Jamey got from his stint as my substitute, maybe he should be the one doing this on a regular basis. Or not. (I’d be quite glad to let him do it, but I know that – like myself – there are never enough hours in the day for him to accomplish the tasks he already has on his plate, so adding one more would just be cruel.) Fortunately, I’ve had time to play catch-up, so I know what I missed last week…which, as it turned out, was quite a lot.

We didn’t see much of Eric this week, but his scene with Lorena at the beginning of the episode was certainly a crucial one, setting up a lengthy flashback to Chicago in 1926, where Bill…oh, sorry, make that Guillaume…is tickling the ivories as Lorena tries to pick up a beautiful blonde who’s hanging on the arm of a complete boor. Fast-forward a bit, and things have gone horribly wrong for the two non-vampires in the equation. Isn’t that always the way? God damn, Bill was a nasty son of a bitch back in the ’20s. I have to say, though, that I’m still not a fan of those blood-laden sex scenes, so I just focused on the importance of the necklace. It’s clear that there’s still a bond between Lorena and Bill, and despite her actions toward him later in the episode, I still think that her feelings for him are going to come back into play and hose up Eric’s plans.

Jason seemed scared to death that maybe his relationship with Sarah might have been discerned by Rev. Steve, but when the Rev copped a ‘tude toward his wife, you could sense that Jason suddenly wasn’t nearly as upset about the previous night’s actions as he might’ve been…and when Steve started talking about the whole “Meet the Sun” procedure, Jason’s disgust at the concept was evident. So there you go: a perfect excuse for him to hook up with Sarah in the church. Not that she didn’t need some sympathy, after what she’d just witnessed…

The dynamic between Sookie and Hugo was pretty funny, and his discussion about his experiences as a human dating a vampire certainly provided Sookie with a few new things to think about. I laughed when she said that, in person, Sarah looks like vanilla pudding, but there was a lot of tension in the scenes with Sookie and Hugo in Steve’s office, with the constant sensation that Jason could bust in at any time and ruin things for them. He didn’t, of course, but then the tension only got ratcheted up further when it became evident that Sookie and Hugo were on a collision course with oblivion, particularly when talk of the lock-in started. I really didn’t think they’d end up being taken down to the basement. That’s what I get for thinking, I guess.

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“Dallas vamps are serious and scary as shit.” So says Barry the telepathic bellboy when Sookie presses him about his “gift” tonight. As far as I can tell, all vampires are serious and scary as shit, but if the Dallas vamp branch is indeed more serious and scarier than the southern variety, I feel for whomever has abducted Godric. Apparently holding true to their reputation, the two Dallas vampires (I didn’t catch their names) who are working with Eric and Bill to try and locate Godric aren’t very interested in a peaceful resolution – the male is ready for war with the Fellowship of the Sun – but you just knew Sookie was going to get tangled up in whatever plan they adopted. Sure enough, she volunteered to infiltrate the Fellowship, which I’m sure will go swimmingly considering Bill won’t be able to help her should she run into any daytime trouble. (On a side note, am I the only one who chuckles anytime Sookie talks tough to a group of vampires? Since when does being a telepath qualify you as a badass in a room full of thirsty vampires?)

I had assumed (as I’m sure others had as well) that Eric’s intense interest in finding Godric was because the latter was the former’s maker, and sure enough, we were treated to a cool flashback of the day Eric got his fangs. He seemed to be a medieval warrior of some kind (was that Swedish they were speaking?) who knew his way around a battlefield, so much so that Godric just had to have him. I’m even more intrigued by the Godric storyline after seeing how young he looks and knowing that he’s actually 2,000 years old. Dude’s been around for a while, huh? I’m guessing Bill’s maker can’t quite match Godric’s lifespan, but judging by the final scene tonight, I’m also guessing we’ll be learning a lot about Lorena in the coming weeks….

Meanwhile, if it’s war that the Dallas vamps want with the Fellowship, Reverend Steve will be happy to oblige, judging by the impressive arsenal he showed Jason tonight: wooden arrows, wooden bullets, a flamethrower, silver throwing stars (very cool) and a guillotine that’s apparently on order. After wrestling with his feelings about vampires early in his Fellowship experience, Jason appears to be all in now that his Light of Day Institute (L.O.D.I) bootcamp has started. He’s not getting the Golden Boy treatment anymore but he definitely impressed Gabe and Sarah when he helped sorry-sack Luke over the fence. ‘That’s a frickin’ soldier of God,” Gabe proclaimed, and Sarah later showed that she agreed by…um…helping Jason put the finishing touches on his bath. Their exchange was classic: “No.” “You don’t mean it.” “No, but I should.” It’s okay, Jason – we don’t blame you. I mean, the preacher’s wife is smokin’ hot! And now, with Sookie’s plan going into effect next week, it’ll be interesting to see how and when Jason’s new path crosses Sookie’s (and Bill’s, of course).

I’ll admit that the Tara/Maryann storyline runs a little hot and cold for me. I’m definitely interested to find out what exactly Maryann is trying to accomplish by keeping Tara around, but the story didn’t advance all that much tonight. Sure, it’s good to know that Maryann can apparently alter the energy around her however she sees fit, tonight choosing to have everyone in Merlotte’s gang up on Tara after Tara told Maryann that she couldn’t move into Sookie’s house with her, but what the hell is her endgame? And how is Eggs involved? I’m still not a fan of Daphne’s either. Sam sure likes having another shape-shifter around – especially one as cute as Daphne – but where did the gashes on her back come from and, more importantly, how did she survive the attack in the first place? For now, I’m assuming Maryann was the attacker (though that’s just the easy guess at this point) and, since she can force Sam to change into a dog whenever she feels so inclined, I wonder if she can actually turn someone into a shape-shifter. That may seem far-fetched but there’s obviously some kind of story behind those long scars on Daphne’s back. And besides, is anything really far-fetched on this show?

I don’t want to start any blasphemous rumours, but those guys from the Fellowship of the Sun have a sick sense of humor, don’t they? Criminey, talk about playing on poor Jason’s worst nightmares! Of course, he recovered pretty quickly, offering up that militaristic monologue (its effectiveness aided in no small part by the score) behind him. Come the next morning, he’s smirking like nobody’s business, offering up great lines about how maybe Jesus was the first vampire, what with all the blood drinking going on. It’s a pretty heavy debate for breakfast, with the discussion about the first evil – was it Cain, or was it Eve? – but it all comes to an abrupt end when Jason gets called off to see the Rev. It’s nothing ominous, though: he just wants to take Jason on a vampire target-practice run. Afterwards, it’s back to the Rev’s homestead for Ribs a la Sexy Sarah. Whew, was there any better song than Sammy Kershaw’s “Louisiana Hot Sauce” to serve as the soundtrack for that display of culinary excellence? I don’t know what kind of career Anna Camp has in store for her as an actress, but I think we can count on a couple of good Maxim layouts in her immediate future, don’t you? Obviously, the other guys in the Fellowship are jealous that Jason appears to be on the verge of sliding into Sarah’s good graces…and, yes, that is a double entendre…and when she turns up in his bedroom in her nightie, there’s every reason to believe that something is going to happen between them.

Sam and Daphne are still skinny-dipping when we pop back in on them, but Sam’s also laying bare his feelings a bit as well. Everything looks like it’s sittin’ pretty between the two of them until she climbs out of the water and Sam spies those nasty claw marks on her back. Still, it’s been the kind of evening that’s made him rethink his plans to depart…or, at least, it’s served to delay them slightly. Sookie’s ego forces her to presume that it’s because of her that he’s decided to leave, resulting in a angry conversation between them. Unsurprisingly, things at the bar remain a little tense for the rest of the night, though it’s also in no small part because of the total lack of customers (the exception being a highly drunk Detective Andy), and the evening takes a surprising turn when Tara’s apparently-still-sober mama turns up to deliver a birthday present for her absent daughter. When he gets over to Sookie’s place, he has brief words with Maryann before Daphne turns up, and he and Madame Clawback start to smooch. They stop briefly, but before Sam can reveal his secret to Daphne, she claims she already knows what he is. Why do I have this feeling that they might not be on the same wavelength?

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When a vampire is driving down the road at an outrageous speed, there’s no other phrase you can use to describe it than “like a bat out of Hell.” Bill’s clearly still enraged over Sookie’s foolish decision to take Jessica at her word and trust that she wouldn’t approach her family, let alone attack them. But can you really blame him? It’s as I said last week: there was no way it wasn’t going to end badly. As it happens, it ended a whole lot better than it could have – like I figured, Bill glamoured them rather than dispose of them in the less savory way that most of his ilk would have – but what was most surprising about his annoyance with Sookie was how concerned he was about the fact that she undermined his authority. Is that the residual effects of having lived through the good ol’ days when women knew their place? (Just kidding, gals!) Either way, when Sookie decided to bail out of Bill’s reaming and walk home, she had a close encounter which resulted in a full-fledged “holy shit” moment.

Actually, that’s underselling it: it was a “holy shit, WTF” moment.

And it only got worse. Those claw marks were awful. Good thing Bill and Eric are pals with a highly knowledgeable physician, but even Dr. Ludwig’s wealth of information could only offer an approximation of how to treat the poison in Sookie’s wounds. (I don’t think it would be exaggerating things much to suggest that the treatment was almost worse than the wounds themselves. I didn’t fight my instinct to turn away from the TV. Ugh!) The long-lived Eric claimed to have no idea what had attacked her, either, but it’s hard to trust that guy. Still, his underlings seemed to be equally mystified.

Can someone please explain to me why the folks at Fantasia keep Ginger employed? Anything she brings to the table can’t possibly outweigh the fact her IQ is somewhere in the low double digits, as she quickly proves by letting slip in her thoughts that Lafayette is chained in the basements. Looks like you were right, Mr. Paulsen: they didn’t actually turn him after the credits rolled last week. You gotta give Sookie credit: not many people would have the either the balls or the unbridled stupidity to smack a vampire of Eric’s strength across the face. Given his reaction, however, one can’t but wonder if the maintaining of Lafayette’s human existence was something Eric did solely because he knew he could trade his life for the favor he’d been needing from Sookie. Either way, after some wheeling and dealing by both Sookie and Bill, Lafayette earns his freedom and Sookie signs up for Eric’s favor, earning a sizable cash influx in the process and providing the best exchange of the night:

Eric: Perhaps I’ll grow on you.
Sookie: I prefer cancer.

With everything going on, Jessica accidentally ends up getting left home alone, and it looks likes she’s going to get into at least as much trouble as Macaulay Culkin. I never particularly dug the song when it first came out, but I have to admit that they made good use of Marcy Playground’s “Sex and Candy” as she strolled into Merlotte’s. What a surprise, however, when it looked as though the usually-belligerent redhead was legitimately swooning over the sweet naiveté of the gentleman who she’d intended as her night’s conquest. The moment when her fangs came out unbidden was pretty funny, her tearful reaction was even a bit sad, and I kept waiting for the guy to say, “Hey, guess what, I’m a vampire, too!” They cut it close enough to the quick that I really did think that she’d bitten him, so when Bill and Sookie broke up their coupling on the couch, I was surprised to see a notable lack of holes in the guy’s neck.

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