American Idol: another surprise and a big finale

Last night’s season finale of “American Idol” had a bit of everything. It even had another somewhat surprising ending, at least from where I sit. Ryan Seacrest promised that there would be a few tributes to outbound Simon Cowell during the night, and there were. But here is how the rest of the show went down, and we’ll sum it up as quickly as we can:

The Season 9 Top 12 sang Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out” and once we saw the school kids dressed like Alice Cooper we knew the man himself would make an appearance and he did. But he didn’t sound very good.

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American Idol: Seacrest learns to fly

Last night’s “American Idol” results show was as hilarious as it was annoying, but not because of anything that was planned. We’ll try to sum it up quickly….

First, Ruben Studdard, Season 2 champ, sang his new single. Ruben sounded great as always, but didn’t appear to sweat as much as usual. That’s because he’s lost a ton of weight….now he looks like a little mountain instead of a big one. Dude is still BIG, but he’s really tall too. Anyway, Studdard told Ryan Seacrest he’s now a vegan and working out regularly. Good for him, and good for cows and pigs and chickens everywhere. He also announced that he’ll be touring with Clay Aiken this summer, the dude he beat out in Season 2. Hey, why not?

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American Idol: live TV can be painful to watch

Last night on “American Idol’s” results show, there was more proof that live TV can be awkward and extremely difficult to watch at times. Reality TV is sometimes too much of a reality check.
But more on that in a minute.

After the recap, a Motown medley and the obligatory Ford video (I confess to reading the sports page during all of this), Season 2 champ Ruben Studdard peformed his new single, “Together.” And judging by how big dude is, I think he may have been singing about his relationship with a cheeseburger. But that’s okay, because after the song as he was talking to Ryan Seacrest, Ruben lost about 10 pounds of sweat. Ewwwww.

On to the results. Adam Lambert, safe. Matt Giraud, bottom 3. Yikes…what the hell was America thinking? Admittedly, I didn’t think singing Marvin Gaye was smart, but Matt did a decent job with the song. Kris Allen and Lil Rounds, both safe. Michael Sarver, bottom 3.

Then came a creepy duet for the second straight week….Smokey Robinson and the hot and much younger Joss Stone. They sang “You’re the One For Me” and if you thought Randy Travis ogling Carrie Underwood was creepy, go watch this one again.

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American Idol: Motown week challenges top 10

“American Idol” just gets more full of itself. From the way they that “Tell them what they’ve won, Don Pardo” announcer that brings out the judges and perpetually peppy Ryan Seacrest, to Simon drawing a mustache on Paula and laughing so much that he can’t deliver a fair critique of Allison. Just get over yourselves, people! It’s about the singers, or at least should be.

What follows is a recap of last night’s Motown performances, with the great Smokey Robinson coaching the finalists, and the great Berry Gordy in attendance. Keep in mind these are grouped into the good, in-between and bad based on my opinion, not the judges.

THE REALLY GOOD

Allison Iraheta was in the pimp spot last night, and she hit a long fly ball that would have cleared two baseball fields. She sang “Papa Was a Rolling Stone” and I think we all keep forgetting Allison is just 16, because she has ridiculous pipes, and shows almost no signs of being nervous. Randy said it was “blazing hot,” Kara said “wow,” Paula said she looked fantastic and sounded awesome, through her Crayola mustache, and Simon said, through giggles, that it was one of Allison’s best performances yet. No, it WAS her best Simon…you were too busy acting like a 5 year old to notice. How in the world was Allison in the bottom 3 last week? Well, she shouldn’t be tonight.

THE PRETTY GOOD

Matt Giraud took on Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On.” Look, this is the exact song I was quoted in a Fox News article on, saying that no Idol hopeful should attempt it. But Matt actually did the song justice. I kept thinking he is no Marvin Gaye, but he did the best he could. Randy said it was challenging but that Matt did a nice job, Kara said she thinks all the girls watching liked it and that Matt is coming out of his shell, Paula said it was a nice job and Simon said it was a brilliant choice and a cool performance. Considering Matt went first, that’s pretty damn good.

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Ruben Studdard opens modeling agency for plus-size women

Based in his home state of Alabama, the former “American Idol” winner’s agency is said to specialize in what Ruben calls “real girls,” rather than the stick-thin creatures who appear in most ads and music videos.

Explaining the philosophy behind his new agency, the Velvet Teddy Bear replied, “I like big butts and I cannot lie/You other brothers can’t deny/That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist/and a round thing in your face/you get sprung…My anaconda don’t want none/Unless you’ve got buns, hon…”

Ruben then added that fat bottom girls make the rockin’ world go round.

  

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