We’re you surprised by any of this year’s nominations? Check out Sean Fennessey’s discussion of surprises and snubs for this year’s lists. He explains how “Phantom Thread’s six nominations, including shockers for Best Picture and Best Director, was the loudest possible indicator of a shift in how the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences votes.”
This year was, quite indeed, a great year for the movies. More times than not, I sat on the edge of my theatre seat in great anticipation for what was about to unfold in front of my very easily distracted eyes. This even includes a twice interrupted viewing of Zero Dark Thirty, of which the projector froze twice. So what am I hoping for with the impending arrival of the 85th Academy Awards Ceremony? Well, mostly I’m hoping that Seth McFarlane keeps his jokes offensive and the crowd roaring, Jennifer Lawrence wears something other than a dress that looks as though the bust could double as a BB gun, and that Daniel Day Lewis let’s somebody else win for once. Really dude.
Aside from those small requests, I’m hopeful and content with any and all contenders the academy sees fit for the naked gold man, whom I assume is called Oscar. Except, I’d also really prefer if it didn’t go to Hugh Jackman either, as it is he just irks me.
Where am I going with this, you ask? I just want to point out, again, that it has been an awesome year at the movies. Aside from Taken 3. That is. Because I don’t like to drink or socialize on the regular, movie watching is pretty much my part time job, and this year, they really put me to work. For starters, I never anticipated a quasi-romantic comedy starring Bradley Cooper to completely overwhelm me to the point where I was at a loss to describe what made the movie so, well, moving. Also, after being dragged to the theatres, quite reluctantly, to watch what was, according to me, a boring historical movie about the capture of a now evil dead guy, it was I who could not shut up about Zero Dark Thirty, or Jessica Chastain’s performance, for weeks. Skyfall, might just have been the best recent Bond movie of yet, and then of course, there was the brilliance of, Argo fuck yourself.
So, Mr. Oscar, whatever you have in store tomorrow for us I’m sure will be alright with me, as it should be the rest of the world. However, Hollywood 2013, you have a lot to live up to.
1. Seth MacFarlane – Finally, there’s a reason for straight guys to care. Sure, it’s nice to see the comedic stylings of 102 year-old Billy Crystal show us how you can tap dance while being attached to an iron lung, but it’s time to move on. If you haven’t laughed at MacFarlane during Family Guy, Ted or a comedy roast, then you probably flat-lined years ago.
2. It could get you laid – Nothing says “honey, I love you” more than sitting through something she knows you hate. Women enjoy the little things like kindness, consideration, chocolate and diamonds. Just don’t let on that you like it or you won’t be able to cash in later.
3. It’s not the Grammys – A sign you’re old is when you don’t recognize half of the songs nominated at the Grammys. It’s a fact and I’ve got the 8-track to prove it. Everyone has heard of most of the movies at the Oscars and it’s acceptable to lie about the rest. As a matter of fact, lying about the movies makes you an official Academy voter.
4. It’s not real life – Between the Sequester, natural disasters, commercials convincing you that you’re far more sick than you realize and Facebook reminding you how everyone is having more fun than you are, it can be a welcome relief to know that even for one night, millionaires can be called “losers”.
5. A 3rd Grader could be the story of the night – That’s right. Nominated for best actress is Quvenzhane Wallis for “Beasts of the Southern Wild”. I don’t even think hockey announcers can pronounce her name. It’s her first role and I can’t wait to see the shock on people’s faces when they find out next week that she traded in the Oscar for Jay-Z tickets and a Playstation 4.