Why can’t all “Star Wars” prequels be this bad? (Note: by “bad” I mean “good”)

Boy, wading through a cinematic news landscape of non-news news is getting to me. Somebody is thinking about something. An unlikely rumor that was printed somewhere this morning is definitely not happening now; regurgitations of stuff we already knew or that really doesn’t matter to anyone but the filmmakers themselves (hey “Film X is playing in a festival someplace!”). So, it’s nice to see something new under the sun. Or, in this case, something old that’s new to us. Or, actually, something new pretending to be something old, but in a very amusing way.

Back in May I posted two videos featuring the very cool blaxspoitation historian David Walker of the lovely zine Bad Azz Mofo, which has just recently gone on line via Mr. Walker’s new blog, talking about a possible lost, Afrocentric, low-budget “Star Wars” sequel featuring an early version of Lando Calrissian. Since then a third documentary video has emerged (h/t Patrick Sauriol) Well, today, via the significantly less cool Jeffrey Welles, comes an actual lost trailer for this lost film which reportedly already screened at some nook or cranny (Hall H???) of Comic-Con.

Got all that? Good. Now get this: Watch out “Black Dynamite” here comes “Blackstar Warrior.”

Dy-n0-mite. I am now officially begging George Lucas not to shut this thing down.


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They say this cat Lando is a bad mutha…shut your mouth

After that last post I’m on a full on “Star Wars” kick, of a sort.

Anyhow, who knows how one misses such momentous occasions, but back on April 1 of this year, the extremely nifty-cool writer, filmmaker, geek soul brother #1 and all-around macho-man movie guru David Walker of the great and mostly gone zine, Bad Azz Mofo, presented a secret project of such momentous portent that it boggles the mind. Forget, “The People vs. George Lucas,” this work in progress has to be the geek muckraking documentary of the decade. It’s key revelation: there may have been an Afro-centric “Star Wars” film with a capital ‘fro. Remember, you heard it here first, unless you heard it somewhere else.

And, once again via Landoistheman.com, here’s part two that just surfaced last week…

Could this be the greatest cinematic revelation since Costa Botes and Peter Jackson’s electrifying “Forgotten Silver“? Or, could it actually be real, the unlikelihood and date of the original posting of the first video notwithstanding, really for real? Stranger things have happened. Okay, they haven’t, but there’s always a first time — and, like David says, it should have happened. Also, while I can’t find this particular Frederick Jackson in IMDb, there really was a Michael Fink who directed the two movies mentioned. The town of Picayune, MS is also very real. Hmm.


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Family Guy: Something Something Something Dark Side

When FOX decided to give “Blue Harvest” – the first of the “Family Guy”-themed “Star Wars” specials – its own DVD release separate from the season sets, fans were a little annoyed. The studio must have made a killing in sales, though, because it’s gone one step further in screwing over its loyal audience by releasing the follow-up, “Something Something Something Dark Side,” direct to DVD. The betrayal wouldn’t burn so much if the 54-minute special lived up to the quality of its predecessor, but despite the reputation of the film it’s spoofing, this is one sequel that falls well short of that. There are a few good jokes about AT-ATs, the shitty accuracy of Stormtroopers, and the looming fate of Luke’s right hand, but a majority of the jokes fall flat. It feels more like a straight retelling of “The Empire Strikes Back” with “Family Guy” characters than a parody, and though guys like Mort Goldstein (as Lando Calrissian), Carter Pewterschmidt (as Emperor Palpatine) and the Giant Chicken (as Boba Fett) finally have a role to play in the story, it’s more out of necessity than because it’s funny. The addition of a snarky pop-up trivia track helps increase the special’s replay value, but it doesn’t change the fact that “Something Something Something Dark Side” is a bit of an unexpected disappointed for fans of “Star Wars” and “Family Guy” alike.

Click to buy “Family Guy: Something Something Something Dark Side”


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