Last night’s season finale of “American Idol” had a bit of everything. It even had another somewhat surprising ending, at least from where I sit. Ryan Seacrest promised that there would be a few tributes to outbound Simon Cowell during the night, and there were. But here is how the rest of the show went down, and we’ll sum it up as quickly as we can:

The Season 9 Top 12 sang Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out” and once we saw the school kids dressed like Alice Cooper we knew the man himself would make an appearance and he did. But he didn’t sound very good.

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For the contestants who have made it this far on “American Idol,” going home has a different meaning than being eliminated. That’s because the top three finalists get to go home and enjoy a special day in which they perform in front of fans in their city, appear on radio and TV and usually have the mayor of said city give them a “key” to said city. Pretty heady stuff. But as always, it took the producers an hour to tell us the result that they could have delivered in a few seconds. And without DVR, it would have been excruciating.

To kick things off, Season 3 champ Fantasia performed her new single, “Bittersweet.” It was pretty good and she no doubt has a remarkable voice, but other than that, the performance was sort of bland.

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Well folks, we’ve reached the Final Four of “American Idol,” and we’re now just a few weeks away from finding out who this year’s champ will be. Are you all bored with the season and the fact that the talent is way watered down than in previous years? Apparently the ratings have dropped a bit too, as people miss Paula Abdul’s unpredictability and Adam Lambert’s screams.

Last night, the results show was excruciating. And if it weren’t for our DVR, I’d have pulled out what hair I have left on my head. Really, FOX? Did that show HAVE to be an hour long? There was enough banter between Ryan Seacrest and the judges to last an entire season.

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They’ve done this before, right? On “Idol Gives Back” night, they say they are going to eliminate a contestant and then they say they can’t on a charity night, and eliminate two contestants the following week. But not last night. Last night after a heartwarming (and I’m sorry, most of the time, DRAGGING) 2.5 hour show, Ryan Seacrest announced that one of the contestants was going home…..in effect, they were “giving one contestant back,” right? At least that’s how I was looking at it.

Anyway, before we get to the results, here is a blazing fast summary of guest appearances and funny moments…

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I’m not going to hide the fact that I like “American Idol” or that I watch it religiously–of course, enough to blog about it. But I’m getting tired of how predictable it is sometimes. Last night’s results show was proof of that. As the show began, and Ryan Seacrest mentioned the “judge’s save” again, I turned to Mrs. Mike and said that tonight was the night they were going to save someone. When Seacrest announced that the producers had told him the results were “shocking”…well then, we all knew for sure the judges would use their save, without even knowing who had the lowest number of votes.

After all that, Seacrest introduced the Top 9 and they sang a Beatles medley, pre-recorded and auto-tuned for our listening pleasure.

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Last night’s “American Idol” results show was as hilarious as it was annoying, but not because of anything that was planned. We’ll try to sum it up quickly….

First, Ruben Studdard, Season 2 champ, sang his new single. Ruben sounded great as always, but didn’t appear to sweat as much as usual. That’s because he’s lost a ton of weight….now he looks like a little mountain instead of a big one. Dude is still BIG, but he’s really tall too. Anyway, Studdard told Ryan Seacrest he’s now a vegan and working out regularly. Good for him, and good for cows and pigs and chickens everywhere. He also announced that he’ll be touring with Clay Aiken this summer, the dude he beat out in Season 2. Hey, why not?

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Last night’s results on “American Idol” were about as predictable as Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest’s annoyingly uncomfortable banter. We all knew Paige Miles was going home, it was just a matter of how we got there.

The painfully 60-minute-long show began with a group performance of Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go,” which was enhanced by the fact that the 11 finalists recorded the track and then sang along with it. So every time you heard one of them sing, you heard two of them sing. Weird.

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“American Idol” got down from 16 contestants to 12 last night, in effect reaching the “magical” Top 12 final round. From here on out, everyone will perform on one night and the results, with one person being eliminated each week, will be announced the following night. There were a few surprises last night, and probably two that America really got correct. As Seacrest would say, “dim the lights, here we go….”

The show opened with the Top 16 singing their ridiculous weekly group number, this week a Michael Buble song that I’m happy to report I’ve never heard before. Then Ryan announced that next week the contestants will be choosing songs by The Rolling Stones. I’m pretty excited about this….it doesn’t get any more legendary in rock than the Stones, and it should be fun trying to guess who will sing what.

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One more correct, and Vegas would have been calling me this morning. I got three right in my picks for “American Idol” contestants to go home last night, and let’s recap how we got there……

First, the awful group number we have to endure each week. This time it was the Black Eyed Peas’ “I Got a Feeling,” and as always it was just ridiculous. But hey, gotta stick to format, right?

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Well, I said this morning that I thought Jermaine should be the first guy getting booted off “American Idol” but that nothing would surprise me. Still, I was kind of surprised by a couple of the results tonight. Here is how it all went down…..

First, the awful group number….a jazzy, horrible song I think called “American Boy.” Blech. Most of the contestants looked bored, lost, or indifferent. Yes, it was epic bad.

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