A warning to Michael Bay and the folks behind “Transformers 3″

Do not replace Megan Fox with Hayden Panettiere. Nothing good can come of it.

I had only halfheartedly followed the whole “Megan Fox is out of ‘Transformers 3′ story,” mostly because I didn’t grow up playing with Transformers toys and therefore have no particular affinity for the film franchise beyond the “it looks cool” factor, but when Bullz-Eye’s beloved CEO called me today during lunch and casually mentioned how he’d heard that former “Heroes” cheerleader Hayden Panettiere was one of the names being bandied about as one of the many possible replacements for Fox, I almost gagged on my PB&J.

I don’t know that you’ve followed my feelings on Ms. Panettiere over the course of my three encounters with her at the TCA Press Tour, but let’s just say that she necessitated the institution of a Three-Strikes-And-You’re-Out rule…and I don’t even have anyone else on my list with two strikes!

Here’s the story of my experiences with her, as related in my wrap-up of the 2009 tour:

In 2007, I managed to ask her precisely one question, which she answered lazily before wandering away.

In 2008, I waited patiently for an interview as she finished a casual conversation, and although both she and her publicist clearly saw me, they both turned and walked in the opposite direction when the conversation was over. I unintentionally but audibly said, “Oh, no, you didn’t,” at which point her publicist attempted to pacify me by assuring me that she had to go to the ladies room and would be back. (She wouldn’t be.)

This year, I decided I’d give it one last shot.

As I was steeling myself for her impending indifference, a colleague came up and said, “Do you want to double-team her?” Just as we were heading her way, another critic beat us to the punch by calling Hayden’s name…and I saw Hayden’s eyes roll as far back as she could muster, then turned and offered about the most fake smile imaginable, in no way hiding the “I don’t want to be here, let alone answer your questions” look in her eyes. My colleague and I approached nonetheless, and we watched as several other writers entered the newly-created scrum. After the fourth or fifth time Hayden reacted to a new tape recorder as if someone was thrusting a knife at her, I finally just said, “Screw this” (albeit under my breath), and bailed out.

Seriously, Michael Bay, you don’t want Hayden Panettiere in your film. You’ve just gotten rid of one moody coquette. You don’t want to replace her with another one.

Greetings to the New Season: NBC

When the season finales begin to air, then you know that it’s only a matter of time before the network upfront presentations begin. If you’re not familiar with the concept of the upfront, it’s when the networks formally roll out their fall schedules, providing advance warning about the slate of new programming for the next season, thereby allowing for several months of snarky comments about series which no one has even seen yet. Give credit to NBC, though: they’ve actually offered up clips for virtually every one of their new shows in order to get the buzz going as quickly as possible…be it positive or negative. Check out what they’ve got to offer, then let us know what you think!

MONDAY

8 – 9 PM: Chuck

9 – 10 PM: The Event: an emotional, high-octane conspiracy thriller that follows Sean Walker (Jason Ritter, “The Class”), an Everyman who investigates the mysterious disappearance of his fiancée, Leila (Sarah Roemer, “Disturbia”), and unwittingly begins to expose the biggest cover-up in U.S. history. Sean’s quest will send ripples through the lives of an eclectic band of strangers, including: newly elected U.S. President Martinez (Golden Globe nominee Blair Underwood, “In Treatment”); Sophia (Emmy Award nominee Laura Innes, “ER”), who is the leader of a mysterious group of detainees; and Sean’s shadowy father-in-law (Scott Patterson, “Gilmore Girls”). Their futures are on a collision course in a global conspiracy that could ultimately change the fate of mankind. Ian Anthony Dale (”Daybreak”) and Emmy winner Željko Ivanek (”Damages”) also star in the ensemble drama. Stark (”Medium,” “Facing Kate”) serves as executive producer, Evan Katz (”24″) serves as executive producer/showrunner, Nick Wauters (”The 4400,” “Eureka”) is creator/co-executive producer and Jeffrey Reiner (”Friday Night Lights,” “Trauma”) is the director/executive producer.

10 – 11 PM: Chase: a fast-paced drama that drops viewers smack into the middle of a game of cat-and-mouse as a team of U.S. marshals hunts down America’s most dangerous fugitives. Kelli Giddish (”Past Life”) stars as U.S. Marshal Annie Frost, a cowboy boot-wearing deputy whose sharp mind and unique Texas upbringing help her track down the violent criminals on the run. Cole Hauser (”K-Ville”), Amaury Nolasco (”Prison Break”), Rose Rollins (”The L Word”) and Jesse Metcalfe (”Desperate Housewives”) also star as members of Frost’s elite team. Jerry Bruckheimer (”CSI” franchise, “The Amazing Race,” “Pirates of the Caribbean” films), Jonathan Littman (”CSI” franchise, “The Amazing Race,” “Cold Case”) and Jennifer Johnson (”Cold Case”) serve as executive producers, while KristieAnne Reed is co-executive producer. David Nutter (”The Mentalist,” “Without a Trace” “The X-Files”) directed and is executive producer of the pilot, which was written by Johnson.

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“Heroes” canceled

Per EW.com…

The show never managed to recapture those stellar ratings from its critically-beloved first season, when it averaged a whopping 14.5 million. There has been talk that NBC may air a movie that allows the producers to wrap up the story, but nothing has been set in stone.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

When we last left “Heroes,” Claire revealed her power for the world to see. Will we ever find out what happened in Volume 6: Brave New World? Why am I not optimistic?

Is your favorite show in danger of being canceled?

I’m really digging TV By the Numbers, which always seems to have good ratings information. They have a Cancel/Renewal Index (click here for ABC) which attempts to handicap the chances of a show being canceled or renewed.

As you can see from the ABC page, there are nine shows that the site deems “likely to be canceled,” including “Better Off Ted,” “The Deep End,” “the forgotten” and, somewhat surprisingly, “FlashForward.” I guess looking at the ratings, it’s not too surprising that “FlashForward” is on the chopping block, but it is surprising that the show hasn’t done better. ABC did run 10 episodes in a row, but then the show was off the air for 3.5 months before the “spring season” started up. One could argue that the network botched the scheduling, but given the small difference between the ratings of the final 2009 episode (2.1) and those of the first 2010 episode (1.9), it doesn’t hold much water.

Other random thoughts:

* “V” seems to be doing okay, though I think “FlashForward” is the better show.
* The numbers for “Medium” are a little surprising. It’s essentially the same show that was on NBC last season.
* I’m surprised that “Sons of Tuscon” has already been canceled. That is/was a funny show.
* It’s nice to see that “Fringe” already has another season, though “Human Target” is on the chopping block. It’s a fun show, but I’d like it if Christopher Chance were more of a womanizer, like James Bond. I can’t believe that he didn’t make a pass at Moon Bloodgood last week. Ridiculous.
* “Heroes” appears to be on the bubble, though the site says it’s probably a goner. That’s one show where they need to figure out a way to wrap things up so it just doesn’t go dark in the middle of the story.

Note: I removed all references to shows listed in grey. Grey apparently equals black, so shows listed in grey have already been renewed.

2009: A Year’s Worth of Interviews – The Top 100 Quotes

Some people think that the life of a work-at-home entertainment writer is one of the most lax jobs out there, since the perception is generally is that all you do is sit around and watch DVDs, occasionally venture out of the house to see movies or concerts, and then sit in front of the computer and write about them. Okay, it’s a fair cop. But when you throw interviews into the mix, there’s a bit more work involved. First, you’ve got to get the interview (they aren’t always handed to you on a silver platter), then you’ve got to do the research to make sure that you can ask some halfway knowledgeable questions, and after you conduct the interview, let’s not forget that you’ve got to transcribe it, too. In other words, yes, there really is work involved…and when I went back and discovered that I’d done well over 130 interviews during the course of 2009, I suddenly realized why I’m so tired all the time.

For your reading enjoyment, I’ve pulled together a list of 100 of my favorite quotes from the various interviews I conducted for Premium Hollywood, Bullz-Eye, Popdose, and The Virginian-Pilot this year, along with the links to the original pieces where available. As you can see, I had some extremely interesting conversations in 2009. Let us all keep our fingers crossed that I’m able to chat with just as many fascinating individuals in 2010…

1. Pamela Adlon: “In the first season (of ‘Californication’), when we had the threesome with the nipple clamps, I was, like, ‘I don’t get this, I don’t know how you’re gonna do it.’ And then, all of a sudden, there’s a crane with a camera hanging over our heads, and you’re, like, ‘Okayyyyyyy. But how are you gonna sell this? How are you gonna make it work?’ And they ended up shooting it brilliantly, cutting it together, and it just all ended up working without me having to compromise my own personal morals.”

2. Jonathan Ames: “After my first novel, my mother said to me, ‘Why don’t you make your writing more funny? You’re so funny in person.’ Because my first novel was rather dark. And I don’t know, but something about what she said was true. ‘Yes, why don’t I?’ Maybe I was afraid to be funny in the writing. But since then, seven books later, almost everything I’ve done has a comedic edge to it.”

3. Ed Asner: “I loved journalism until the day my journalism teacher, a man I revered, came by my desk and said, ‘Are you planning on going into journalism?’ I said, ‘Yeah.’ He said, ‘I wouldn’t.’ I said, ‘Well, why not?’ He said, ‘You can’t make a living.’”

4. Sean Astin: “When somebody brings up a movie (of mine) that I haven’t heard about in a long time, I feel like a 70-year-old pitcher at a bar somewhere, and somebody walks in and says, ‘Oh, my God, I was in St. Louis and I saw you. You pitched a shutout.’ It’s real. I really did do that, because someone today remembers it.”

5. Darryl Bell: “The legend of ‘Homeboys in Outer Space’ has become much more incendiary than the actual show. It’s funny how I usually challenge most people who talk about how much they disliked ‘Homeboys’ to name me five episodes. Most of them can’t, because they just bought into the ‘oh, it’s awful, just the title. Oh, it’s terrible.’ What’s interesting is that I had a great conversation with Chi McBride, who was doing ‘The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer,’ which, if you want to talk about in terms of the imagery of what was wrong, that show was much more infamous than ‘Homeboys.’ Yet it’s not remembered in the same way because the title didn’t grab you in the same way. I remember Chi pulled me aside and he was, like, ‘Look, everyone who is criticizing what you’re doing would take your job from you in two seconds. All of them. So all I can tell you is that this is one blip on both of our careers, and we are moving on.’”

6. Adam Campbell: “For some reason, people always pick on the British sensibility, and we always come across as stupid, but remember: we used to run this country!”

7. Nestor Carbonell: “Let me make this perfectly clear: I do not wear make-up, and I do not wear eye-liner. This is something I’ve had to deal with my whole life. I remember I was in college in Boston, I had a commercial agent, and they sent me out for some print commercial stuff. And they called me into the office and said, ‘Look, we called you in to talk to you because we just want you to know that…well, we don’t think you need to wear eyeliner.’ And I’m, like, ‘What?’ ‘Yeah, it’s okay, you don’t have to wear it for print ads.’ ‘No, I’m not wearing eyeliner!’ And I kept dabbing my eyes and saying, ‘Look! No eyeliner! I’m not wearing any!’”

8. Elaine Cassidy: “The last two days of shooting (’Harper’s Island’) was probably the most hardcore, the coldest anyone has ever been. It was like your head was freezing, and my motivation for most scenes was, ‘The minute this scene is over, I’m heading straight over to that heater to get warm.’”

9. Chris Cornell: “I started as a drummer, so I sort of took on singing duties by default. I had sung backgrounds and some lead vocals from behind the drums in different bands that I’d been in, and I’d gotten great responses for the songs I would sing. I really started pursuing the possibility of being a lead singer based on the fact that I was working a full-time restaurant job and then playing gigs at night, hauling drums around. One day, it just dawned on me that, ‘Hey, I could be in a band and be the singer, and it would be a lot easier!’”

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Blu Tuesday: Earth, Heroes and State of Play

There are quite a few big Blu-ray releases in the month of September, and two of them (“Braveheart” and “Gladiator”) are headlining the rollout of Paramount’s new Sapphire Series premium label. Unfortunately, I didn’t receive either one in time to review for this week’s column, which is too bad, because I’m hearing that the subpar transfer on the “Gladiator” disc is going to cause a major ruckus in the Blu-ray community. There are still a few cool releases coming out today, but nothing that absolutely demands your attention… or your money.

“Earth” (Walt Disney)

I wasn’t very fond of nature documentaries before seeing BBC’s “Planet Earth,” but now that I have, I can’t imagine seeing one even remotely as good again. The people at Disney must feel the same way, because instead of going out and trying to make their own nature doc, they decided to just reuse footage from the award-winning miniseries to create a feature-length version. Simply titled “Earth,” the 90-minute film is narrated by James Earl Jones and plays out like a Greatest Hits of the documentary’s best moments – from the more narrative-driven stories about families of polar bears, elephants and humpback whales to an amazing look at caribou migration and the birds of paradise. Fans of “Planet Earth” probably won’t be interested in the more ADD-friendly edition, but at least Disney has included some cool extras for those thinking about buying “Earth” for their kids, like a pop-up trivia track and a new Blu-ray feature (Living Menu) that offers nature facts and video clips every month.

“Heroes: Season Three” (Universal)

The third season of “Heroes” was supposed to be a return to form for the superhero drama, but despite an excellent season premiere, it turned out even worse than its harshly criticized sophomore year. The meaningless deaths of a few fan favorites certainly didn’t help the situation, but there were a few positives to be drawn from what could effectively be called a train wreck of a season. For starters, Zachary Quinto proved that he could play a good guy just as well as a baddie, while guest stars Robert Forster and Zeljko Ivanek delivered memorable performances as the show’s marquee villains. Season Three may not have lived up to its promises, but the Blu-ray release of the show continues to deliver with picture-in-picture audio commentaries, a slew of production featurettes, and more. The HD edition also includes additional behind-the-scenes footage and a sneak peek of Season Four. It doesn’t make up for the disappointing string of episodes, but if the show really does get back to its roots this year, you’ll want Season Three to complete your collection.

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Bullz-Eye’s TCA 2009 Summer Press Tour Wrap-Up: Cougars, Muppets, Vampires, and Gordon Ramsay, Too!

God bless the TCA Press Tour, where the television industry gives critics from throughout North America the opportunity to play with the folks who live and work in Hollywood. The tour allows us a remarkable amount of access to the stars, producers, directors, and writers of the various shows currently taking up residence on the various cable and broadcast networks. Yes, while I may spend 48 weeks out of the year feeling like a nobody, for those four weeks – two in the summer, two in the winter – which are taken up by the tour, I’m at least made to feel like I’m a somebody. (Really, though, I’m not anybody.)

This was the first time the summer tour had been held after Comic-Con rather than before, so there was a certain amount of grumbling about the fact that the fans were getting a certain amount of information that would’ve ordinarily gone to the critics first, but it must be said that the networks did a pretty good job of pacifying us. And, besides, aren’t the fans supposed to come first, anyway?

Although the content that I managed to accrue during the course of the tour will continue to come your way for quite some time to come, what you see before you is a summary of the highs and lows of the event, mixing stories you may have already read on Premium Hollywood with many that I simply haven’t had a chance to discuss yet. As ever, it was a heck of a good time, full of the kind of moments that leave me grateful that I managed to get that journalism degree from Averett College back in 1992, pleased as punch that Bullz-Eye and Premium Hollywood have given me the opportunity to cover the tour, and, most of all, that there are lot of great readers out there who seem to enjoy the tales I bring back from these strange TCA adventures that I’ve embarked upon.

Let’s get started, shall we?

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TCA Tour: NBC Executive Session

We just had NBC-Universal Executive Session, with Angela Bromstad (President, Primetime Entertainment) and Paul Telegdy (Executive Vice President, Alternative Programming and Production) taking the stage to answer our questions, and…you know, I’ve got to be honest: it was pretty underwhelming. No surprise: the first two words of the very first question were “Ben Silverman,” and his name remained a recurring theme for the remainder of the session. It also wasn’t a surprise that the topic of Conan’s ratings and the expectation for Jay’s ratings were brought up, but it was absolutely ridiculous that neither Bromstad nor Telegdy seemed prepared to handle the queries, instead either feigning uncertainty about the numbers, offering vague responses which signified nothing, or attempting to pawn the questions off to Jay’s panel this afternoon. This immediately came back to bite Bromstad on the arse when she was asked outright if she’d be on that panel (she won’t be), and it led to one critic offering a sarcastic apology for asking questions of the wrong people.

Here’s the extent of information that I was able to glean from the panel:

* Bryan Fuller’s latest departure from “Heroes” was dismissed as being due to the fact that he’s at a point in his career where he’s really wanting to create his own shows, so NBC is focusing on their development deal with him. As for “Heroes,” Bromdstad said that Fuller helped Tim (Kring) get back on track, helped everybody decide where they were going, and that the show is doing exceptionally well creatively.

* The start of “30 Rock” has been delayed due to Alec Baldwin’s movie schedule, which is why the network is kicking off “Community” in its timeslot. The 8 PM timeslot will therefore be filled with six Thursday night “Weekend Update” specials, three of which are currently on the schedule.

* We are assured that, despite the fact that some shows which were previously airing in the 10 PM timeslot are now being moved to 9 PM out of necessity, there should be no issue with their content in their new time periods.

* The network’s new zombie series, “Day One,” is being embraced due to the sci-fi success of “Heroes.” “It’s a genre we cannot ignore,” said Bromstad, though she admitted that it does tend to be a little more of a narrow genre. Her most notable comment on the matter, however, was the acknowledgment that the network is viewing “Day One” as a “big event” for the network…but not necessarily one which would return for a second season.

* There is always talk of doing another regular “Apprentice,” but according to Telegdy, the most recent “Celebrity Apprentice” had a ratings jump from the previous, so we probably shouldn’t look for it to happen any time soon.

* “Friday Night Lights” will not be back until summer 2010. “We just think that ‘Friday Night Lights’ is a sensational show,” said Bromstad, “but it doesn’t have the ratings to justify it on the fall schedule.”

* Regarding “Southland,” the network has “incredible passion” for the future, but its future depends on how it does in the fall. “We’ve made some creative adjustments,” said Bromstad. “I feel like they tried to do too much in the first six episodes – instead of letting the audience become more familiar with characters, they became too serialized – so the show will focus on Regina King and Ben McKenzie, the crimes, and how they come together.”

* RE: “Medium,” “It was definitely a show we were considering picking up ’til the very end, but we had to make choices creatively and financially.”

* RE: “Chuck,” “The great thing is that they’re on a great track collectively. We’ve got 3 or 4 scripts in already, and it is something we can move around, but right now it’s not scheduled to come on until March.” The series has a 13 episode pick-up, and it’s possible that it could be bumped up, but “these are just discussions we’re continuing to have.”

Oh, come on! Bryan Fuller leaves “Heroes” AGAIN?

True story, according to Herc at Ain’t It Cool News.

Says Fuller in the story…

“Development was really starting to heat up, And it appears like I may be writing multiple pilots for NBC so that wasn’t leaving a ton of room for ‘Heroes,’ unfortunately. We crafted some really great arcs for the season that I’m excited to see come to fruition. I love that cast dearly and am sad to go, but the plate — she was over-flowing.”

Ugh. I mean, not that there aren’t plenty of other writers who are just as capable as Fuller, but there’s just no question how much the guy brought to the “Heroes” plate, as the tail end of Season 3 handily demonstrated. As such, I am hereby bummed. Of course, I’ll feel a lot better if we get an announcement in the near future that says Fuller is officially attached to a new “Star Trek” series, but I don’t think there’s any reason to expect such a thing anytime soon.

NBC: The Fall Schedule

It’s 2-for-1 day with the upfronts, with NBC following ABC in announcing their fall schedule. The National Broadcasting Company was already in a crap ratings position even before they decided to try the radical maneuver of giving Jay Leno the 10 PM timeslot, so they really can’t lose very much by trying such an experiment. It still sucks for fans of scripted television, though. Fortunately, the people at the Peacock have still found it in their heart to offer up a few new series, and they’re also trying the shared-timeslot concept in earnest, as you’ll see below.

Monday

8:00 PM – Heroes

9:00 PM – Trauma

From executive producer Peter Berg comes the first high-octane medical drama series to live exclusively in the field where the real action is. Like an adrenaline shot to the heart, the show is an intense, action-packed look at one of the most dangerous medical professions in the world: first responder paramedics. When emergencies occur, the trauma team from San Francisco General is first on the scene, traveling by land, by sea or by air to reach their victims in time. From the heights of the city’s Transamerica Pyramid to the depths of the San Francisco Bay, these heroes must face the most extreme conditions to save lives — and give meaning to their own existence in the process. Starring are Derek Luke, Cliff Curtis, Anastasia Griffith, Aimee Garcia, Kevin Rankin, and Jamey Sheridan.

10:00 PM – The Jay Leno Show

Tuesday

8:00 PM – The Biggest Loser
10:00 PM – The Jay Leno Show

Wednesday

8:00 PM – Parenthood

From the executive producers of the box-office hit “Parenthood,” Ron Howard and Brian Grazer, and writer/executive producer Jason Katims, this contemporary re-imagining of the blockbuster film depicts the colorful and imperfect Braverman family – four grown siblings sharing the headaches, heartaches, and joy of being parents. The star-studded cast includes Peter Krause, Maura Tierney, Craig T. Nelson, Dax Shepard, Bonnie Bedelia, Monica Potter, Erika Christensen and Mae Whitman. When Sarah Braverman (Tierney), a financially strapped single mother, returns home to her parents and siblings in Berkeley, Calif., after packing up her Fresno apartment and uprooting her two inconvenienced kids, Amber (Whitman) and Drew (Miles Heizer), she is greeted by her opinionated father, Zeek (Nelson), and strong mother, Camille (Bedelia), who are privately dealing with their own marital issues. As Sarah is reunited with her siblings — sister, Julia (Christensen), and brothers Crosby (Shepard) and Adam (Krause) — all struggling with issues of their own, it’s clear that the Braverman reunion is just what they need to face the everyday challenges of modern family life.

9:00 PM – Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

10:00 PM – The Jay Leno Show

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