If you’re like a lot of people, myself definitely included, you kind of wish “Entourage” were all about Ari the agent. The lovable a-hole played by Jeremy “insert sushi joke here” Piven.

I’ve got no “in” with the producers of the show, who may already feel they have enough Piven in their lives, but Ari Gold’s famed real-life doppelganger, super-agent Ari Emanuel, has apparently pulled off the kind of power-consolidating coup that would no doubt have his fictional equivalent furious with envy and heaping extra abuse on his long-suffering assistant, Lloyd. The short version is that his agency, Endeavor, has taken over the venerable, but declining, William Morris — once by far the world’s best known agency — and reportedly fired many of its staff while hanging on to most of Endeavor’s.

It’s just slightly like Marilyn Manson staking over Capitol Records. And, oh yeah, one of his brothers runs the White House, whose tough/manic rep could probably be the basis of an entertaining cable series of its own.

I’m an old-school guy who feels that it’s kind of an inevitable travesty that agents like Emmanuel wield as much power as they do, even if it’s now less than what they had not so long ago; I largely blame them, in part and as a group, mind you (I don’t want Ari mad at me!) for the steep decline in the quality of mainstream studio “product” since the early eighties. Of course, it’s not just agents who are behind the “filmed deal” school of moviemaking, it’s also lawyers and producers. Two more widely beloved professions.

Moreover, the references to ex-super agent Michael Ovitz, who maybe did more than anyone to enshrine a new level of douchiness as part of Hollywood culture in his day, don’t warm my heart. On the other hand, at least Ari and I have similar politics. Still, the problem of movies-as-deals rather than movies-as-movies goes back at least as far as original super-agent Lew Wasserman, who as questionable as he often was, was really only filling a power vacuum left by the decline of the studio system, and his work occasionally certainly resulted in some great movies too. (Oh, and by the way, was a purported liberal who wound up helping ex-actor Ronald Reagan to become president. Thanks for all your help to the cause, Lew.) Let’s face it, complaining about agents in Hollywood is a little bit like complaining about L.A. traffic — it’s an inevitable part of existence, an unavoidable flaw in the local ecosystem, until we figure out something better.

There’s much more to be read via Kim Masters, Sharon Waxman, and the New York Times. Anne Thompson also has a very good piece up on last week’s “Produced By” conference, including comments from Clint Eastwood, which I think is sort of related.

In his most recent column, Bill Simmons discusses his disdain for the latest season of “Entourage.”

Well, the fifth season of “Entourage” wasn’t implausible at all: I can totally see Vince’s losing his career after one bad movie (so what if Colin Farrell has made 15 stinkers and keeps getting jobs?), becoming Hollywood poison, getting a job only because his agent passed up a $10-million-a-year studio head position to stay with him — you know, because agents have such great character — submarining an elaborate $120 million action movie that somehow came together in about 2.23 seconds because the director hated him (in the irony of ironies, because he didn’t think Vince, a guy played by Adrian Grenier, could act), hitting rock bottom and moving back to Queens, then climactically rebounding with the lead in Martin Scorsese’s new movie without ever auditioning for it, and while all of this was happening Jamie-Lynn Sigler fell in love with a jobless Turtle, and Johnny Drama starred on an NBC drama that normally would tape for 17 hours a day, unless your show stars Johnny Drama, in which case you tape once a month for a couple of minutes. Awesome. I’d ask for that 390 minutes of my life back, but it’s my own fault for watching. I blame myself.

(Here’s my idea for Season 6: Since Ari is the only character who matters, why not dump Vince and his crew and give Ari a new client/entourage? What about Ari dealing with a rapper-turned-actor from Oakland and his crew of keepin’-it-real thug friends for a season? This wouldn’t be more compelling than a sixth season of watching Grenier pretend he’s an A-list actor?)

Funny stuff.

Apart from the end of last season, I can’t think of a lower point in Vincent Chase’s career than where it stood at the beginning of tonight’s episode. After being fired from “Smoke Jumpers� only to discover that the entire film was being shut down due to the fact that it was “over budget and overcomplicated,� Vince went on “vacation� to New York and is now living at home with his mother. Though Vince isn’t taking the whole “out of work actor� thing as seriously as he probably should be, Ari and Eric are still busy trying to find him another job. When Vince’s mom tells him that Gus Van Sant is looking for a replacement for the new movie he’s shooting in town, Eric suggests he audition for the part. Ari, however, is quick to inform them that he’s already spoken with Gus, and though he likes Vince’s work, he doesn’t feel that he’s right for the role.

Never one to take rejection so easily, Eric heads to Gus’ office to meet with him about reconsidering. He’s even managed to convince Ari to have Dana Gordon send over some dailies from “Smoke Jumpers� for Gus to check out, but though the director seems sincere about the fact that he really does like Vince as an actor, he still doesn’t want him for the role. Clearly embarrassed and feeling like a failure in front of his friends, Vince blows up at Eric for not trusting Ari, and relieves him of his duties as manager. Personally, I don’t think Vince had any right blaming Eric for his problems, and he came off looking like an ass for doing so. Eric may have made some mistakes in his days, but they’ve been trivial when compared to the things he’s done (or at least tried to do) for Vince’s career. Heck, it was Eric who tried to warn Vince about “Medellin,� and look how that turned out.

Eric has better things to do than sit around and take that kind of shit from Vince, so he heads back to LA to take care of his other clients – namely Charlie, who’s still shopping his pilot around town. I actually thought they already found a studio to produce the show, but maybe things fell through after Charlie sucker punched Seth Green in the waiting room. Whatever the case, it’ll be interesting to see where this subplot goes next season, as it certainly has the potential to take Eric’s career to the next level. Unfortunately, he’s not around for the big news that Ari brings with him to New York, and it’s in the form of a very important phone call that he just knows Vince is going to want to take. And no, it’s not Gus Van Sant on the other line, but – wait for it – Martin fucking Scorsese!

Anyone who’s been watching “Entourage� for a while knows that the show portrays Hollywood as a sort of suspended reality, but there’s no way that any director in the movie business is even half the crybaby that Verner is. For the last two weeks, it’s been unknown whether Verner simply didn’t like Vince or actually had a viable argument about his ability as an actor, but after the two disagree over Vince’s performance during the filming of a pivotal scene this week, I’d lean more towards latter. In fact, Verner doesn’t even seem to hate Vince so much as the idea that the actor was forced upon him, but if he knew that Vince was attached to the project before he signed on, why did he even agree to do the movie?

I wish that Vince would have called him out on that, but instead, he just points out that Verner is acting more like a dictator than a director. Maybe it has something to do with the language barrier. Regardless, Verner takes the comment one step further by firing Vince from the film. Of course, he doesn’t really have the power to make such a decision, and before you can Super Jew, Ari is on the scene to settle the dispute. When asked what he could possibly do to help Vince’s situation, Ari coolly replies: “Because the Jew has arrived and he doesn’t like Germans.� Plus, Dana Gordon owes him big after he hooked her up with that sweet gig at Warner Brothers. I just wonder how long Ari will be able to milk that connect before Dana gets tired of returning all the favors.

It’s her first big movie as head of production and she’s not about to let anyone ruin it for her, so she calls a meeting with Verner and allows Ari, Vince and Eric to tag along. What she doesn’t expect, however, is for Verner to turn into the world’s biggest crybaby right in the middle of the office. When Ari tries to trick Verner into thinking he’s just been replaced by Peter Berg, however, the German goes ape shit and starts running through the building looking for John Ellis to plead his case. The fact that this was all happening with Rammstein’s “Du Hastâ€� playing in the background only made the scene even funnier. Verner would have been better off not opening his big mouth in the first place, though, because instead of getting his way, Ellis just shuts down the whole movie. The consolation is that it appears it wasn’t Vince’s fault at all – in fact, Ellis thought Vince was great in the few scenes he had filmed – but with no money and no prospect for another job, Vince decides to head back to Queens.

The rest of the guys jump on the plane with him, and poor Turtle is forced to say goodbye to Jamie-Lynn, who he’s just spent the weekend with after she called him up looking for a booty call. Turtle thinks he’s just being used at first, and he’s totally okay with it, but as the day goes by, he finds out that Jamie-Lynn is actually interested him. Go figure. Here’s hoping the “Sopranos� star sticks around for a little while longer, because she really brings out a side of his character that we rarely see. Plus, we finally learned why he goes by the name Turtle – because his real name (Sal) is more embarrassing. Unfortunately, that relationship might have hit a dead-end now that the gang is back in New York, but even though Vince can’t get a job, Eric and Drama still have careers waiting for them in LA. How long will they stick by Vince’s side while he tries to put his life back together, and now that Turtle’s finally been given some well-deserved character development, how long will we have to wait for more?

It’s been nine months since the writers’ strike shook up the entertainment industry – forcing some shows to shut down production for the rest of the season and leaving others to scramble for survival – and television still isn’t the same. Many of our favorite shows have yet to return to form (here’s looking at you “Heroesâ€�), while some (like Power Rankings newcomer and new #1, “Mad Menâ€�) have risen to the occasion and helped fill the void. If there’s any pattern to this year’s TV Power Rankings, however, it’s that there is none. While NBC’s reign in the top 10 continues, a dozen of the 20 shows below didn’t make the cut last year, and nine of those 12 are making their Power Rankings debut (”The Shield,” “The Daily Show” and “Family Guy” have popped up in previous editions). Still think the writers’ strike didn’t have a lasting effect? Think again.

Below you’ll find some sample entries, but be sure to check out the full list, where you’ll also find links to DVD reviews and interviews, as well as some Honorable Mentions and our list of favorite shows currently on hiatus.

1. Mad Men

In any sane world, Matthew Weiner’s “Mad Men� would not be on any “power ranking,� much less in the #1 spot. This supremely stylish drama about the alcohol-soaked, nicotine-stained, sexual harassment and adultery-friendly lives of early ‘60s advertising execs started out as a low-profile curiosity from a former member of the writing staff of “The Sopranos.� Still, with some help from ecstatic reviews and the Emmys, the show has emerged as first-class appointment TV and a launch pad for at least one potential superstar in Jon Hamm. As the metaphysically secretive Don Draper, Hamm knocks back too many Old Fashioneds while casually invoking the sort of grown-up masculine charisma of classic era film stars Gregory Peck and William Holden. Better yet, Season Two saw the show’s large and very strong cast of supporting characters become even stronger and more layered as the subject matter grew bolder. A semi-surreal late-season left turn with a roving band of wealthy Euro-bohemians was just the tip of the iceberg as rape, nuclear annihilation, religion and the meaning of existence were broached, with vaguely disturbing yet highly entertaining and sexy results. “Mad Men� cannot be pegged, and that’s the best thing about it.

11. How I Met Your Mother

We were close. We were so damned close. Creators Carter Bays and Craig Thomas had teased us for three years, but we were sure that Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor) had finally found the mother of his kids in Stella Zinman (Sarah Chalke). Of course, as we now know, we were wrong, but it was a hell of a ride getting there. Last season, “How I Met Your Mother� found the largest audience of its history as a result of scoring a pair of guest appearances by the superstar train wreck that is Britney Spears. And, even more impressively, she was really funny. Greeted with these new viewers, the series rose to the challenge of keeping them on, offering us Ted and Stella’s courtship, Robin’s rebound relationships, Marshall looking for work, Lily dealing with her credit crisis, and Barney banging as many babes as possible. We’re still not sure about this new wrinkle that Barney’s pining for Robin, but we trust that Bays and Thomas won’t turn it into a jump-the-shark situation. Or if they do, they’ll do it with a knowing wink and a smile.

17. Sons of Anarchy

If you took all the best parts of “The Sopranos� and “The Shield� and smashed them into one show, you’d have something that looks a lot like “Sons of Anarchy.� Created by “The Shield� co-writer and executive producer Kurt Sutter, the series is more Shakespearean than anything on television. It’s essentially a retelling of “Hamlet,� but instead of Danish royalty, they’re a California biker gang. There’s Jax (Charlie Hunnam), the second-in-command; his mother, Gemma (Katey Sagal), the very definition of a queen bee; and his step dad Clay (Ron Perlman), the club’s hard-nosed president and best friend of Jax’s deceased father. Heck, there’s even an Ophelia in the group – Wendy (“The Sopranos� alum Drea de Matteo), the drug-addicted mother of Jax’s newborn son. The theme of family and brotherhood is something that was explored in great length in both “The Sopranos� and “The Shield,� and it’s the driving force behind “Sons of Anarchy.� Add to that a supporting cast made up of some of the best tough guy character actors in the business (Tommy Flanagan, Mark Boone Junior and Kim Coates) and a multi-episode guest stint by Jay Karnes and you’re looking at a top nominee for Best New Show of the Season.

I wonder if Seth Green is a douche bag in real life too. If he isn’t, he does an excellent job of playing one on TV. We haven’t seen Dr. Evil’s lovechild since the boys brawled with Green and his buddies at a Vegas club a couple years ago, so it was a surprise to hear that Green was interested in working on a pilot written by E’s client Charlie (aka, Bow Wow; aka, Shad Moss). It wasn’t at all a surprise to hear that Green still holds a grudge for, as he remembers it, E sucker punching him. E claims otherwise, but Green says all will be forgiven if E can convince his ex Sloan to ask him to do the show. Bad news, considering Sloan was the source of all the tension between E and Green in the first place.

Was I the only one wondering why the hell E put up with Green’s shit tonight? If the studio was interested in the script, talk to them about finding someone else to do it instead of looking like a punk. Of course, maybe E really was using it all as an excuse to see Sloan, as he claimed. Regardless of his intentions, it seems likely that we’ll be seeing Sloan again soon, which I’m sure we’d all agree wouldn’t be such a bad thing. As for Green and the pilot, Charlie was the one throwing punches tonight and this time, there’s no doubt it was of the sucker variety. There’s also no doubt that Green had it coming to him after threatening to get E kicked off the project, then threatening to get Charlie kicked off the project, and all-in-all acting like a giant douche bag again.

As for E’s other client, Vince is having a rough go of it on “Smoke Jumpers.� After having his lines given away by his director (Stellan Skarsgard) on day one, Vince learns that most of his lines have been cut the following day. I wondered last week if this was a sign that Werner wasn’t a fan of Vince’s work, but the director claimed this week that he’s just trying to get the best possible performance out of Vince. It seemed that Werner genuinely liked Vince during their initial discussion in this episode, but after he picks Vince’s performance apart later, pointing out that Vince has a “head tilt� and a “lip quiver,� I take that back. (The previews for next week shine even more light on that subject….) At this point, you’ve got to wonder if Vince is even going to finish his “comeback movie.�

Finally, there’s Ari and his battle with Babs to bring buddy Andrew Klein on board. After getting some good advice from his 15-year-old daughter, Ari slathers on the nice when he meets Barbara that morning, saying “please� perhaps more often than he’s said it during the show’s previous four-plus seasons. Of course, his parting shot when Babs left his office showed Ari’s spectacular true colors: “Thanks Babs…you nasty twat,� which he followed with a hilarious impression of Beverly D’Angelo’s character. Ari did manage to secure a meeting with Babs for Andrew but the poor guy had a panic attack when he realized the deal was far from a sure thing. Um…way to prepare the guy, Ari. Maybe Babs is right – Andrew doesn’t seem cut out for Ari’s high-powered agency, but we’re going to find out for sure since Ari crashed Barbara’s “Powerful Women of Hollywood� luncheon, congratulated all the women in attendance for latching on to powerful men, threatened to split the agency Civil War-style if Babs didn’t agree to bring Andrew in, and then, once he got his way, left the women with this “apology�: “I would love to congratulate each and every one of you but, unfortunately, Barbara’s cock is all I can handle.�

So much for “Nice Ari.�

(So did E sucker punch Seth Green in that Vegas club? You be the judge….)

It’s a big day for the boys. More accurately, it’s a big day for Vinnie as production opens on “Smoke Jumpers,� marking the first time in more than a year that he’s been on a movie set. No wonder he’s a little nervous, skipping breakfast and screwing up his lines when rehearsing with E. Even worse is the fact that his German director (I think his name was Vernon…?) likes practice about as much as Allen Iverson (“We’re talkin’ ‘bout practice.�) and informs Vince that he shoots the rehearsal. Bad news for Vinnie’s nerves, but co-star Jason Patric loves Vernon’s approach. He also, it seems, loves poaching Vince’s lines, and after he steals a couple of Vince’s pivotal scenes, it’s time to take action.

It won’t shock anyone to know that I’ve never been on a movie set, so I don’t know how these things typically work. But it seems to me, if it’s the first day of shooting and some douchebag steals my key lines, I’d say something. As in, right then and there. Maybe that’s not kosher, and maybe Vince handled the situation the right way initially by assuming it was an honest mistake and letting it slide. Granted, he tried to talk to Patric about it after the fact but never actually got around to addressing the issue. Vinnie’s co-star, it seems, is a black belt and probably isn’t someone you’d want to piss off. Fine. Meanwhile, you run the risk of being scenery in what stands to be either your comeback film or your death knell. I know Vince is the cool-under-pressure one in the group so it’s not surprising to see him try to shrug it off at first, but it was maddening watching Patric’s thievery without Vince asking someone “what the hell is going on?�

Of course, he did eventually ask Vernon about the situation, and the director claimed that he knew what Patric was doing but he was choosing his battles with the fiery actor to keep him happy. Sounded like a copout to me, and Vince agreed, telling the guys he thought Vernon was a bigger pussy than he was. Actually, it turns out Vernon is the snake on the set, handing Vince’s lines to Patric and then blaming the actor for it. Why? The smart money says Vernon isn’t a fan of Vinnie’s work and he wanted to run as much of the movie through Patric as possible. Maybe he had other motives, but the look on Vince’s face after Patric told him what Vernon had done suggests that he came to the same conclusion. And if that’s the case, what’s the long-term effect here? Did Dana Gordon shove Vince down Vernon’s throat because she promised Ari the role? If so, things could get ugly for Vince.

Speaking of Ari, this certainly wasn’t the first time he’s provided the most interesting storyline for an episode, and we should all be thankful that it won’t be the last. One of the readers of this blog has noted several times that Jeremy Piven is the only true “actor� on the show and that the others should all just watch and learn. While I wouldn’t go that far, he is without a doubt the show’s most talented actor, and tonight he proved once more why he’s also its biggest draw. Some were surprised that Ari turned down Warner’s $10 million offer last week but, to me, it spoke to the kind of emotional depth that Piven and the writers have given Ari over the years. Tonight, we saw even more of it when Ari met up with his old buddy Andrew Klein, a literary agent who’s fallen on some tough times in the wake of the writer’s strike. Turns out Klein, played brilliantly by Gary Cole, was on the fast track with Ari before their old firm split. Klein has since carved out a nice little career for himself, but nonetheless it’s a career (and salary) that drastically pales in comparison to the life that Ari now leads. And since Ari knows it could have just as easily been him working in Encino, he feels guilty.

Now, whether or not he feels guilty enough to lend Klein $500,000 is another story. But when Ari takes a closer look at Klein’s books, he sees an opportunity to not only help a friend, but make a savvy business deal. After telling Klein that he doesn’t want to give him the loan, Ari instead offers to buy his company and give him the life he was meant to live. Klein balks at first, of course, and calls Ari out for feeling guilty about how everything has turned out. Granted, this was a simple and understated scene, but watching Piven and Cole as it played out was great. The highlight was when Ari reminded Klein about when he wanted to move back to Chicago to become a lawyer, and Klein talked him out of it by asking him, “Do you really want to die a loser fucking lawyer in Chicago?� Ari stared back at Klein for a few moments and replied, “Do you really want to die a loser lit agent in the Valley?� Harsh words, for sure, but sometimes harsh words need to be spoken between two good friends. And in this case, they worked – Klein agreed to the buyout.

Unfortunately, Babs isn’t on board. Oh, right – Ari’s got a partner in all of this, and she thinks Klein is too much of a “loser� to bring into the fold. Shit, now what?

It’s been awhile since we’ve seen an episode of “Entourage� as good as the one tonight, but after weeks of pointless subplots, Doug Ellin and Co. finally delivered some of that old school flavor that has been sorely missing from the new season. But before I get into any of the specifics, first thing’s first. In last week’s blog, I made a comment about how it might be fun to see Vince represented by Adam Davies for a while, but what I meant to say was Josh Weinstein. I know that doesn’t make any difference in the grand scheme of things, but it’s still an important distinction – especially considering tonight’s episode revolved around exactly that.

Now, it didn’t pan out quite like I imagined it would, but it’s probably for the best. After seeing Weinstein sandbag the guys with a promise that Frank Darabont was interested in Vince for the lead role in an upcoming project, only to discover that it’s a TV show he’s executive producing, I’m more than certain that Weinstein (or Adam Davies, for that matter) wouldn’t be right for Vince’s career. They might get him the jobs he wants, but they’ll never care about him like Ari does. Which brings us to the biggest story of the night: Ari’s decision not to take the Warner Brothers job.

At first, I was utterly perplexed by the decision. I mean, if most people were offered a promotion of that magnitude, they’d take it no questions asked. After all, isn’t the life of a Hollywood agent all about bigger and better opportunities? If it wasn’t, then no one would care who they were representing as long as they were good pals with their clients. One thing I didn’t considered, though, was that Ari didn’t like the consequences that might come with the new job – namely, less time with his family. When he finds out that Amanda Daniels is not only next in line for the job, but refuses to put Vince in “Smoke Jumpers� if Ari turns down the offer, however, Ari decides to take the job just to spite her. (On a side note, that shot of Amanda’s reaction as Ari left the office was great.)

Lately, this blog has been getting a lot more comments than usual, and to that I say “thank you.� The debates might get a little heated once and awhile, but if there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that we love watching “Entourage.� With that said, however, this week’s episode was a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand, we have yet another totally pointless story about Vince falling for some model, and on the other hand, we have a subplot involving Ari that could potentially transform the series forever.

Let’s save the best for last, though, and jump straight into the other half of the episode first. It’s been a long time since Vince last worked in Hollywood, and in that time, he’s turned down an awful lot of opportunities to make some fast cash. Granted, some of them (like the “Benji� film) showed real integrity on Vince’s part, but why in the world would he turn down a one-day modeling gig for Dolce & Gabana worth $1 million? He may not care about money, but one of the reasons he’s suffering through such a job drought is because he ran away to Mexico for six months. That may not sound like a very long time to most people, but in Hollywood, it’s the equivalent to being gone for several years. That Dolce & Gabana gig would have gotten his face back out into the public (or at least the people that matter), and it would have gone a long way in helping to restore his image.

Of course, he decides not to do it. Why? Because he likes the model that was fired, and instead of making a little extra cash and working on getting a job, he decides that hopping on a plane to Hawaii with a bunch of hot women is a much better idea. Under any other circumstance, it probably would have been, but Vince is supposed to be responsible these days and, well, that wasn’t a very responsible decision. He can party as much as he wants once he’s a star again, but honestly, why is he still being treated like royalty when he’s clearly far from it? Forget for a moment that the writers used this exact same storyline with Leighton Meester only a few weeks ago and ask yourself this: if it weren’t absolutely necessary to get Vince and Ari in the same room (or in this case, airplane hangar) together for the final scene, would this subplot have ever been written?

Can you believe that “Entourage� is already halfway through the new season? It sure doesn’t seem like it, but that’s probably because despite hinting at where the story could be headed, the show hasn’t made very much progress in actually getting there. Following on the heels of what many considered one of the worst episodes to date, tonight’s show wasn’t that much better. I’m not exactly sure why anyone thought it was a good idea to bring back Dom – a character that a lot of fans complained about during his mini-arc in season three – but his return served no purpose other than to tie up Vince and Eric for an entire episode while they waited to hear back from Ari about the fate of “Smoke Jumpers.�

The subplot was supposed to show that Dom had finally matured as an adult, but honestly, does anyone even give a damn? His character was on the show for only a few episodes, and during that entire time, he was nothing but a nuisance to the whole gang. Why does the writing staff feel the need to redeem the guy, and better yet, why should the audience care? It’s bad enough that the show’s main characters are struggling for decent story arcs, but then they go and waste time developing a minor character that we’ll probably (hopefully) never see again? It doesn’t make sense, and it’s the latest in a line of bonehead decisions that the “Entourage� team has made so far this year.

The episode may have been named for the redemption that Dom supposedly earned, but it was the other two subplots that were the real saviors. I’ve always given Drama and Turtle a lot of heat for being forced to play the comic relief week in and week out, but this time around, their storyline actually had some meat to it. It’s nice to see Turtle actually taking this whole job hunt seriously, and though his one-day trial as Drama’s assistant didn’t quite work out, you can’t blame the guy for not trying. Were Drama not such a diva (seriously, where does he get off demanding such an overcomplicated breakfast?), I really think Turtle would have done a good job. After all, it’s what he’s been doing for years as part of Vince’s entourage, so it’s not like it’s something he isn’t already accustomed to. If I were him, I probably would have quit as well, but not before I got the number of that female assistant he chatted with earlier in the episode.

The real story of the night, however, was Ari’s golf outing with Alan Gray. I have to be completely honest, I didn’t think Ari would actually lose the bet (even with Phil Mickelson by Alan’s side), but when he was given a second chance to win Vince a spot in “Smoke Jumpers,â€� I thought to myself, “Oh, okay, he’s going to sink this putt.â€� Nope, Ari misses both times, and when Alan gets worked up over Ari’s ballsy decision to bring up Vince’s name even when he specifically asked that he didn’t, Alan has a heart attack and dies. Only Drama is willing to point out that Alan’s death may be a good thing for Vince (since it means he can make movies for WB again), but that doesn’t mean everyone else wasn’t thinking it. If Alan Gray truly was the only thing standing in Vince’s way, then he shouldn’t have any problem getting “Smoke Jumpers,” and he might even have a shot at working on that “Ramonesâ€� biopic as well. Check it out, I just wrote season six.

Call me a cynic, but tonight’s show might have been the worst in the history of the entire series. I’m all for filler episodes where the “Entourage� crew runs around town getting into all sorts of shenanigans, but what in the world was the point of them tripping on some shrooms in the middle of the desert? If you think it was to help Vince decide on whether or not he should do the Benji movie, I have some bad news: Vince was never going to make that movie, no matter how much they paid him. He was always going to hold off for “Smoke Jumpers,� and though Alan Gray has made it quite clear that he will never work with Vince again, next week’s previews suggests that might not be the case.

As for their trip to the Joshua Tree, well, there’s not a whole lot to say. Eric Roberts’ cameo was probably the best part about that whole storyline, and even that felt like a rehash of previous episodes involving Gary Busey and Val Kilmer. There are only so many times you can invite B-list celebs on to the show to prove that they’re hip, and between guys like Busey, Kilmer and Bob Saget, we’ve already had our fill over the last few seasons.

Perhaps worse, however, is the fact that none of the main actors are very good at playing high – to the point that Eric’s big trip-out moment was that he was literally speechless and Drama thought Arnold the bulldog was a rock. Jeremy Piven came the closest to nailing the experience (or at least what I’d expect that sort of experience to be like), but it’s virtually impossible to play Ari stoned since one of his main character traits is that he always appears in control, even when he’s not.

So why would the writers even produce such an episode? You got me. They probably thought it would be fun to watch the gang act all philosophical while under the influence of Eric Roberts’ homegrown magic mushrooms, but it wasn’t. I sat around waiting for something to happen, but with the exception of a mildly entertaining sequence involving Lloyd coaching Ari through his trip, nothing ever did. You’d think that between the “Smoke Jumpers� fiasco, Eric’s aggressive new clients, the bidding war with Amanda, Bow Wow’s comedian character, and plenty of other discarded ideas (like that Ramones biopic), there’d be plenty to talk about. Instead, we get this, and while I was more than willing to forgive the writers a few weeks ago for abandoning all story development to have a little fun, after tonight’s episode, they’re officially back in the doghouse.

Can anyone say “déjà vu�? Maybe it’s just me, but with the on-again-off-again bidding war that dominated most of tonight’s episode, it sure felt a lot like last year’s Cannes-based season finale. Thankfully, it wasn’t as much of a letdown, and though not a whole lot was actually accomplished, it did bring up some very interesting story developments that will not only play a major role in the rest of this season, but next season as well.

For starters, Eric’s relationship with JB and Nick isn’t going quite as smoothly as you’d expect. The amateur screenwriters may have the hottest script in town, but at the end of the day, they’re still amateurs, and acting like a bunch of egomaniacal assholes isn’t going to help jumpstart their careers one bit. If anyone other than Eric was managing them, they probably would have already dropped them as clients. It isn’t enough that he’s gotten them a great deal ($100,000 with a $200,000 bonus if the movie is made) – Nick thinks they can get more money, and he’s not afraid to make his opinions be heard. As it turns out, he’s right, but nobody in town is willing to make the movie with Vince starring other than Amanda.

When Vince graciously removes himself from the project and gives Eric the chance to sell the movie for more, however, Amanda flips out at the suggestion that Edward Norton get into a bidding war with every other studio in town. Ari is quick to jump at the chance of making the sale, and he comes back with an offer that any other first-time writer would kill for: $500,000 and Vinnie Chase in a supporting role. Unfortunately, Nick is not like every writer, and when he hears about Edward Norton no longer being part of the film, he’s disappointed. How cool was it, then, to have Eric take charge of the call by not only telling Nick that he plans on accepting the deal, but that he needs to say “thank you�? Eric may make mistakes every once and a while, but you gotta hand it to him – he’s doing a pretty good job for someone that still doesn’t know all the ins and outs of Hollywood.

A year ago, I might have had a few words to say about how tonight’s episode did very little to progress the main storyline, but the whole subplot involving Ari and Adam Davies was so damn entertaining that I’m willing to give the “Entourage� writers a break this time around. Sure, a filler episode isn’t exactly the best idea when you’re trying to win back your fanbase, but it was also so enjoyable that it was well worth the risk.

Though it certainly wasn’t the main focus of the night, the Ari/Davies prank war was some of the best comedic material of the show’s five-year run. You just knew that Ari would do something as stupid as get into an illegal street race with Davies on his first day driving his new Ferrari, but I definitely didn’t expect him to crash it into a school bus. Well, “crash� is probably the wrong word – it was more of a subtle bump. Nevertheless, Ari lost the friendly wager, and being the upright guy that he is, he tells Lloyd to send Davies the $100 in a brown paper bag… filled with human shit. When a pair of police officers breaks up his meeting with T.I. hours later, Ari thinks he’s being arrested for the juvenile prank, only to discover that they’re strippers sent by Davies as retaliation.

Not one to quit when he’s down, Ari pulls up some nude photos of Davies’ girlfriend that she gave him when she worked at the agency, and sends them to him with the hope that he’ll be crushed by the idea that she always wanted to have sex with Ari. Instead, Davies is quick to inform Ari that they broke up six months ago, and when he announces that he’s just posted a nude photo of Mrs. Ari on the internet, Ari goes apeshit. Determined to beat an apology out of Davies if it comes to it, Ari heads to the old agency to confront him, even going so far as to bitch slap him to accentuate how much of a bitch move that was on his part. Davies refuses to apologize, but when Ari threatens to “knock [him] the fuck out� if he doesn’t, Davies cowardly admits defeat.

The rest of the episode wasn’t quite as memorable. Eric heard back from Amanda about the script, but despite her acknowledgement that she liked it (and that Edward Norton is interested in some capacity, probably as a producer), we’ll have to wait until next week to find out more. Drama, meanwhile, is recovering from his break-up with Jacqueline, and when Vince gets an offer for some easy cash to serenade a girl at her Sweet 16 party, Drama ruins the night by throwing up on the cake. Perhaps more upsetting, however, was the complete waste of both Kevin Pollack and Fran Drescher as the girl’s parents. Seriously, was that the best they could come up with? Hell, I could have played the girl’s father and it wouldn’t have made a difference. Be smart, guys, and stop wasting talent on roles like this before you have to settle for much worse.

Turtle: You wanna go to the Villa tonight, E?
Eric: What, just you and me?
Turtle: Yeah, you’re right.

If there’s one thing I learned from tonight’s episode, it’s that the writers have no reservations about taking things slow. That’s actually good news, since it means they’re serious about the show’s future, despite the fact that some fans were probably hoping the new season would start off with a little more of a bang. All I can say is, be patient, because although the first two episodes have been relatively tame, they’ve also shown real promise for the things to come.

Even Vince is taking things more seriously since being courted back to Hollywood. He’s busy reading scripts, and though the films he’s interested in already have actors attached, he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get back into the game. Unfortunately, no one is listening, and while Eric would love for him to do an indie film called “Nine Brave Souls� from a duo of up-and-coming screenwriters, he agrees with Ari that Vince’s next project should be a studio film. He’s also probably not willing to gamble away what little left there is of Vince’s career, but that doesn’t stop him from tracking down the writers to discuss the possibility of signing with him.

What he doesn’t expect is for LB (Lukas Haas) and Nick (Giovanni Ribisi) to be so demanding. A little too demanding for a pair of unknowns, perhaps, but they also have a point. After all, if Eric is Vincent Chase’s manager, then why can’t he convince him to star in their movie? Eric explains that Vince is only interested in doing a studio movie right now, but Nick doesn’t want to hear it. Instead, he suggests that Eric sell their script first before they begin worrying about any kind of contract.

After the semi-disastrous season four, the “Entourage” writers were in desperate need of a longer vacation. After all, there’s nothing like a little R&R to get you back to full fighting strength, and though that much-deserved break came in the form of the writers’ strike, it may have just been a blessing in disguise. It should come as no surprise, then, that as the new season opens, Vincent Chase is also on vacation following the disastrous performance of “Medellinâ€� at the box office. It seems not even Harvey Weinstein could save the film, and to make matters worse, Richard Roeper has just proclaimed it as one of the worst films of the year. Better yet, he says that Vince’s make-up job made him look like “the love child of Jimmy Glick and a bag of Twinkiesâ€� and then rips into him even more by declaring that “Al Pacino called and wants his accent back.â€� Ouch.

Still, all the negative publicity doesn’t appear to be affecting Vince quite like it should. He’s down in Mexico with Turtle jet skiing, lounging around, and having sex with lots of beautiful women, while Eric and Ari desperately attempt to save his career back in LA. Eric’s management company has even expanded to include a secretary and a new client – Charlie (Bow Wow), an up-and-coming comic who has yet to land an actual gig. When word comes in from Ari that producer Carl Hurtz is anxious to meet with him for a new genre film called “Danger Beach,� however, the duo head down to Mexico to convince him otherwise. Vince couldn’t care less (despite the fact that Hurtz is willing to pay his full asking price), but after some rather discouraging words from Eric (who feels responsible for messing up “Medellin�), Vince agrees to give the whole movie star thing another shot.

Upon returning home (sans bushy beard) and taking the meeting with Hurtz, however, Vince is upset to learn that he was only being used in order to drive down Emile Hirsch’s (the original star attached to the film) asking price. This is probably the last thing I expected to happen, but it actually makes sense considering Vince has been MIA for the past six months and his last movie tanked. Also, did Warner Brothers just void the contract they had with Vince and Walsh for “Silo,� or is that still happening? I guess if I was a betting man, I’d choose the former. That would also explain how Vince is able to live so lavishly down in Mexico after investing everything he had into “Medellin.� Sure, $79/day may not sound like much, but it has to start adding up when you’re unemployed.

Nevertheless, while Vince is top priority amongst the characters in the show, Eric has always been the real star. His arc has remained the most interesting of the five men, and this season promises to flesh it out even more as he stops relying on Vince and becomes a success on his own. Drama and Turtle still need to break the comic relief mold and get some meatier storylines, but where their silly antics were a bit tiring in the past, they delivered some of the best moments in tonight’s episode. Turtle blasting the porn from the Escalade was hilarious, but Drama’s retaliation against Hurtz was even better. After taking a golf club to his Mercedes and leaving a fish on the hood, Turtle asks him if he’s leaving some sort of message, to which Drama replies, “Yeah. Aquaman is back.� It’s unclear whether the same holds true for “Entourage,� but if the season premiere is any indication, it’s certainly on the road to reclaiming its former glory.

No matter how disappointed you may have been with the fourth season of “Entourage,� there’s not a fan in the world that isn’t counting down the days until the show’s season premiere on September 7th. A victim of the writers’ strike, the HBO comedy series hasn’t aired a new episode for an entire year, so it’ll be nice to finally see what Vince and Co. have been up to since “Medellin� tanked at the Cannes Film Festival.

You might even want to check out season four as a refresher before diving in to the new season. Not only will it prepare you for the year to come, but you’ll also notice that, despite some minor faults, it really isn’t as bad as you remember. Sure, Eric and Walsh’s bickering got rather annoying at times, and Drama and Turtle actually took a step backwards in terms of character development, but the overall mood of the series has remained the same since Day One: chicks, celebrities and cannabis.

The biggest problem with the fourth season was that the whole “Medellin� plot failed to be as interesting as the writers hoped it would be. Thankfully, it looks as if the film is but an afterthought in the upcoming season, which finds Vince living the life of a beach bum in Mexico after “Medellin� flops at the box office. The whole “Medellin� fiasco will no doubt be mentioned early on, but aside from that, I think Doug Ellin has learned his lesson about creating storylines that are overly ambitious.

So what about the rest of the guys? Well, HBO isn’t spilling the beans, but from the few publicity shots that have fallen into my hands, it appears Eric will be getting a new client in the form of rapper-turned-actor Bow Wow, while Turtle will be hanging out with Vince in Mexico; at least for the short term. No word on whether Bow Wow will be playing himself or a fictional character, but at least it shows that Eric’s career plans haven’t been completely thwarted since getting canned by Anna Faris. Additionally, one of the clips over at Dailymotion has confirmed that Drama’s French lover, Jacqueline, is now his girlfriend, so that should give him a little more to do this year other than playing the group jester.

As for guest stars, season five is looking pretty good. Both Mark Wahlberg and Martin Landau are returning, while Tony Bennett, Phil Mickelson, Kevin Pollack and Fran Drescher will also appear. Giovanni Ribisi and Lukas Haas are also tapped for recurring guest roles as a pair of up-and-coming screenwriters that sign with Eric, so look for Kevin Connolly’s plotline to dominate most of the season. That’s all we know for now, but that alone is enough to indicate the writers are planning to wipe the slate clean and start fresh. It’s exactly what the series needs, and I can’t wait. In the meantime, check out this “Viking Quest� web game, which is sure to get you in the mood for the new season.

“This is like Sundance all over again.�

Not exactly Turtle. You see, the Sundance episode was actually good. Tonight’s season finale? Not so much, but that didn’t keep Doug Ellin and Co. from trying their darndest to emulate the season two gem by once again forcing the gang into a make-it-or-break-it business deal. The boys have finally arrived in Cannes with one mission in mind: sell “Medellin� to the highest bidder before the film’s world premiere. Unfortunately, no one’s biting just yet, except for the boys’ old friend Yair (the Arabic millionaire from the tail end of season three), who’s desperate to buy the rights to the film he passed up on for the exact amount it cost to make it – $35 million.

Walsh doesn’t want to sell it to an independent distributor, however, and neither does Ari. They want studio backing, since it ensures both a proper theatrical release and a greater chance of being nominated come award season, and after talking it over with the film’s main producer (Nicky Rubenstein), they agree to start a bidding war and wait it out. And boy do they wait, and wait, and wait… until Ari decides to take matters into his own hands, tricking Dana Gordon over at Warner Bros. to buy the movie for the same asking price as Yair. Regrettably, Yair beats them to the punch by going behind Ari’s back (and straight to Nicky) to cement at $75 million deal for the flick.

Everyone’s happy about the sudden financial boost (except for Walsh) and stroll into the premiere feeling confident that the movie will kill. It does the exact opposite, causing viewers to boo Walsh’s “masterpiece,� Dana Gordon to pray she dodged a giant bullet, and Yair to renege on his offer. Serious about his admiration for the film, Harvey comes to the rescue with and makes an offer the boys can’t refuse: one dollar for “Medellin.� It doesn’t sound like much, but with a major distributor backing the film (and probably re-cutting it), there’s still a distinct possibility that it will earn back its budget and get a few Oscar nods along the way. It’s a pretty big “if� for Vinnie Chase considering his past, but for the time being, things are starting to look up.

Okay, maybe not, but I’m seriously so sick and tired of being negative that I figured I’d give it a shot. All in all, this was a disappointing end to a disappointing season, and as far as I’m concerned, this series is officially on its final warning. Unless they can turn it around in season five (which may be harder than it sounds, since that damn “Medellin� story arc still hasn’t been wrapped up), the boys of “Entourage� are going to be in serious trouble. As for Johnny Chase, well, he’s in a world of his own, but here’s hoping the old dog brings back that French hottie to help spice things up around the house.

It’s official: the “Entourage� we all know and love is back.

You know, I had a feeling that particular comment was going to come back and bite me on the ass. After all, when was the last time during this season two solid episodes aired back-to-back? I’ll give you a hint: never. Then again, that means next week’s season finale will be awesome, right? Let’s hope so, because tonight’s show was void of any real story, character development and, believe it or not, laughs. Even the “bad� episodes have featured some sort of crazy Drama/Turtle subplot, but this week, all they really did was follow Vince around the airport and profile potential terrorists.

You heard me right. Seems LAX is on red alert after rumors of a possible terrorist attack ground all the planes and, eventually, shut down the entire airport. This leaves the “Medellin� boys in quite the predicament, since their film is scheduled to open in Cannes in less than 48 hours. Ari manages to talk his way onto Sydney Pollack’s private jet, but when they arrive at the airport to discover his plane only has five seats available (when they need six), Vince declines. Luckily enough, Kayne West shows up not a minute later, and though I’m still pondering how Turtle could possibly have known the famous rap producer without the other guys knowing it, he manages to convince him to make a small detour and drop them off in France.

Meanwhile, Eric is in a predicament all his own. It seems Billy Walsh really wants his new client (Anna Faris) for the female lead in his upcoming film, but Eric doesn’t exactly like the latest script. Anna, meanwhile, doesn’t even understand the damn thing, but since he’s Vince’s manager first, and Vince wants her for the role, Eric convinces her to do it. That is, of course, until Anna admits that she thinks he’s cute, and Eric follows that up by telling her the truth. As a result, Vince loses his co-star and Eric loses his client. Kinda sucks, really, since Anna was the only fresh thing about the last few episodes of the show. Oh well, I guess we can’t expect a big star to stick around for too long, but we can expect the writers to get on top of their game and crank out a good story. Perhaps that super-sized third season really did a number on those guys. Here’s hoping a good vacation will change that.

It’s official: the “Entourage� we all know and love is back. What, you don’t believe me? Well, how about Ace Frehley, whose “New York Groove� was proudly playing behind the end credits? Yeah, that’s what I thought. After weeks of going nowhere and silly subplots involving Drama and Turtle, “Entourage� is back on track with a two-episode trip to Cannes and Vinnie’s next big project.

Let’s not get ahead ourselves, though, as Vinnie’s prospects looked dim as usual after Walsh turned in his script for “Lost in the Clouds� into the studios. Of course, the script wasn’t quite the adaptation that everyone was expecting, but rather a completely original idea that Ari describes as “a sci-fi thriller set on a farm in 2075.� If it sounds crazy, it’s probably because it is. Then again, that’s Walsh, and after Ari makes a surprise visit at his house to discuss the consequences of breaching contract, it’s made quite clear that Walsh couldn’t care less. Neither can Ari after Walsh fires him because, well, they guy’s not going to work another day anyways, so what’s the big deal, right?

Wrong. Vince likes the script so much that he gives Ari the difficult task of selling Dana Gordon and her new boss on the new idea. Since “Lost in the Clouds� is temporarily screwed without a writer, director and star, they agree to the other Walsh/Chase collaboration, which Dana so eloquently describes as “Blade Runner� meets “Field of Dreams.� Not bad for someone who hasn’t even read the script.

Eric, meanwhile, is left completely out of the loop for the entire episode because he’s off catering to Anna Faris in a far off part of town that doesn’t seem to have any cell service. Actually, it’s Anna’s obsessive boyfriend who’s the real problem. Not only does he have incredibly bad taste (he wants Anna to pose in different animal positions for her new photo shoot), but he also thinks Eric is looking for more than a professional relationship. Okay, so what if he is? The guy’s a douche and that’s that. It’s just too bad that Vince thinks Eric is ignoring him because he’s too involved in Anna’s relationship. I’m sure it won’t cause any bad blood between the two (does anything?), so it’s nice to see Eric’s new business finally taking off. The question now is: will it last?

Okay, so maybe I blew things a bit out of proportion last week when I suggested “Entourage� might be building to a big season finale, but while the pieces haven’t quite fallen into place yet, I am confident that the final two episodes (which I accidentally read about while researching the new season) will leave fans wanting more. Let’s just say that it’s probably going to be very reminiscent of season two’s Sundance episode.

Getting back to this week’s show, however, it’s become crystal clear that the extended third season (which aired the second half of its episodes only weeks before) has greatly hurt the quality of season four. Stretching out the “Medellin� storyline has left the writers with little to talk about until the movie premieres at Cannes, and while the subplot involving Eric’s decision to take on other clients (more on that later) has definitely helped his arc as of late, the rest of the characters have been left scratching their asses.

Nevertheless, it looks like Eric will finally land his first client (besides Vince) in rising star Anna Faris, whom he met on his way to Vince’s new house. After running into him (literally) on the road (and in only a towel, no less), Anna accidentally gives Eric a fake number to call her at in order to exchange insurance info. Mildly pissed off that she would do such a thing, Eric heads over to her house to confront her, only to discover that it truly was an honest mistake. Personally, I’m not so sure it really was a mistake, but after witnessing Eric’s determination (and his good manners), Anna invites Eric out for dinner. Of course, Eric thinks it’s much more than dinner, but after Anna receives a call from her boyfriend mid-meal, it becomes quite apparent that she’s interested in a different kind of relationship. By the looks of next week’s previews, though, it doesn’t look like the new business venture will be a match made in heaven. Anna is obviously a very needy girl, and that’s simply not going to cut it with Vince around.

As for the rest of the gang, well, not a whole lot happened. Ari threw a jealous fit when his wife was invited back for an episode of “The Young & the Restless,� and Vince, Drama and Turtle just sat around all day smoking weed. Not exactly the kind of story development I was hoping for, but it was still a very nice treat to see Mrs. Ari skimp down to her skivvies. I don’t care how old she is – Perrey Reeves is smokin’ hot – and I could definitely live with seeing more of her in the very near future.