24 8.13: And if you don’t look now, then you’re gonna get Starbucked
Well, how about that: I get to use this title after all.
Some of you may recall that I wanted to use this title for an episode, any episode, and after Buffy iced Kevin and his psycho dirtbag friend in Hour 9, I figured that was my last chance, and Starbuck would go back to being the sniveling sissypants we’ve grown to loathe.
Fool.
I have to say, I did not see this coming. Of course, I feel like I should have, since her story line was beginning to run out of juice, but I never suspected that our small-time juvee felon would go so far over to the dark side. Let’s flash back to the moment where she’s tailed Kevin and dirtbag back to the lake. We thought she was unsure about what she wanted to do next. In retrospect, dirtbag is probably lucky that Buffy pulled the trigger.
What would be a neat touch is if we now caught a “Usual Suspects”-style glimpse of all of the strings she was pulling up to the moment where she strangled Jimmy James to death and stuffed him behind the paneling in Holding Room #2. (The stink will give her away eventually, yes?) Maybe there is security preventing people from entering the CTU tunnel, and Starbuck was the one that cleared Princess Jasmine’s entrance. Heck, maybe she remotely activated the EMP’s timer once the car came into range, since we’re still not sure of the weight-sensitive detonation theory espoused in last week’s comment section. Maybe she taught the snipers at the river how to jam the cell phone frequencies. But we’ll never see any of that, because of the show’s real-time format. Pity. We might learn all of those things – or none of them – but it won’t have that same punch as the ‘Verbal straightens out his foot’ shot. Damn it. (*takes drink, per “24″ drinking game rules*)
I was about to say that CTU’s facial recognition software was going to play a part in identifying Starbuck as a terrorist sympathizer (if you can call them sympathetic), but something just hit me: ten bucks says she’s in that file of anti-IRK rebels that President Slumdog was supposed to hand over in the previous hour. We were led to believe CTU scanned through them all on the big screen, but perhaps not. We may not get our “Usual Suspects” moment, but there’s a good chance we’ll get our “No Way Out” moment, and soon. One thing’s for sure, and it is in stark contrast to my prediction of a noble death for poor Jenny: her story ends with Buffy pulling the trigger…but does she take out one of Bullz-Eye’s TV girlfriends (Chloe or Crazy Jackie) before she takes her last breath? You know my thoughts on Jackie’s life expectancy, so she’s the odds-on favorite. But there are times when I hate being right, and this is one of them.
“I’m sorry, maybe I wasn’t clear. When I said, ‘I’m really busy right now,’ I meant, ‘Bitch, I will cut you.’”
Lastly, I think we all owe Katee Sackhoff a formal apology for questioning her decision to take the role of Dana Walsh. She clearly knew something that we didn’t, and we should have given her the benefit of the doubt for making this her next role after “BSG.” In our defense, Ms. Sackhoff, you didn’t make it easy for us at first. Still, we said some things, and for that, we’re sorry.
Chloe, meanwhile, grows a pair so big she’ll need a wheelbarrow to carry them in, pulling a gun on an NSA engineer and telling him to step tha fuck off as she throws a Hail Mary in order to get coms up and save Jack. (Of course, Starbuck thought Chloe’s idea was a bad one, because she needed those servers down for as long as possible.) Bubba is now forever in her debt – her reply of “I’m not good with praise” would have produced a spit take, had I been drinking anything when she said it – which makes me wonder if Chloe is next in line to run CTU. She may still have that personality disorder, as Big Balls Bill Buchanan (RIP) once said, but she also has a good sense of right and wrong, and she knows that Jack is impervious to bullets…
…unless Fox cancels the show, a story that has been making the rounds lately due to the show’s increased budget and decreased ratings. Another rumor has the show relocating to NBC, and while they could use a show like “24,” I just don’t see a fit there. Maybe it’s a grudge fuck for Fox supposedly in talks to land Conan O’Brien. Either way, “24″ will forever be a Fox show to me.
Speaking of Jack’s imperviousness, he and Buffy were in a shootout at the East River with a couple of red shirts that pulled a trick from Scott Smith’s book “The Ruins.” A character is on death’s door, but the vines leave him there to suffer, in order to force his girlfriend put him out of his misery. (Forget the movie – the book’s awesome. Brutal, but awesome.) Here, when one of the characters pulls what I call a Hudson (“Aliens” fans just nodded knowingly) and lies in the open, the snipers pull the brutally effective stunt of shooting Hudson repeatedly in order to flush their enemies out in an emotional rage. Both were exercises in mental torture, and both worked. Good thing that Jack and Buffy had a silent partner, one they didn’t even know about: Crazy Jackie, who comes out guns a-blazing in both the literal and euphemistic sense. Man, how did I not notice how, um, talented Jackie was last season? Damn things are just screaming at me now. And knowing that she will surely die before season’s end, I’m reminded of Cary Elwes’ great line in “The Princess Bride”: “‘Tis a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It’d be a pity to damage yours.”
Can’t think of a better ‘out’ line than that. See you next week! Once again, I give you the song “Starbucked” by the UK band Bond. You want to know how forgotten this band is? Not even the last.fm page that’s hosting this track has the album title right. It’s Bang Out of Order, not Band Out of Order. And there are over 90 copies available for a mere penny on Amazon. Click here to buy!
Posted in: 24, Actors, Actresses, TV, TV Action
Tags: 24, 24 blog, 24 Season 8, 24 season 8 episode 13, 24 Season Eight, Alro Glass, Annie Wersching, Bob Gunton, Brian Hastings, Cherry Jones, Chloe O'Brian, Chris Diamantopoulos, Cole Ortiz, Dana Walsh, Elisha Cuthbert, Ethan Kanin, Freddie Prinze Jr., Headlines, Jack Bauer, John Boyd, Katie Sackhoff, Kiefer Sutherland, Kim Bauer, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Mykelti Williamson, President Allison Taylor, Renee Walker, Rob Weiss, Stephen Root
Unfortunately, I cannot give Miss Sackhoff a pass for taking the ridiculous role of Dana Walsh. If she were really a terrorist (which, apparently, she is) there were so many other opportunities to make better decisions to keep her cover. When White Trash Boyfriend and Psycho Dirtbag were holed up in her apartment, she would have walked in and killed them both. When Jimmy James first called her, she would have simply told him that there was a national emergency and his questions would have to wait until the next day. For her purposes, that’s as good as next year. And why would she call Buffy and tell him that she was going to hand over the video to Jimmy James? How does that improve her situation in any way?
And what has happened to Jack Bauer’s aim? This is the same sharpshooter that killed a guy with a pistol from 50 yards away on the windy roof of a tall building. Now he can’t hit a couple of “snipers” who are standing out in the open giving away their position by firing their machine guns repeatedly? And with a rifle no less? Jack emptied his clip and didn’t land a single shot. At least now we know why Jack sent the love of his life to his Manhattan apartment even though he knew that there was a dirty bomb on the loose. She had to be close so he could save his ass by the East River.
But back to Starbuck. I laughed out loud at her doubletake when someone told Bubba that there was a parole officer that wanted to speak to him. Why is Bubba even considering taking a meeting with some random parole officer in the middle of this crisis? I’m just happy that she didn’t try to sabotage Chloe’s plan to get CTU up and running.
For me, the only somewhat redeeming part of this ridiculous episode was Chloe’s decision to take matters into her own hands and give that NSA engineer the dressing down that he deserved. It was great to see him eat crow after her plan worked, and Bubba’s gratitude seemed genuine. I loved the — “I don’t handle praise well” — line. Classic Chloe.
You of all people should know that shooting accuracy is in direct proportion to its necessity to the plot. If they need Jack to be a bad shot, then he’s a bad shot. Otherwise, he’s throwing bread knives into people’s necks from across the room.
With regard to why she didn’t kill Kevin and dirtbag in her apartment, I’m guessing she didn’t want to either a) arouse suspicion with the sound of gunshots and a struggle, b) didn’t want her apartment to stink of two dead bodies, or c) couldn’t be bothered to kill and move the bodies at the time.
Still, your point is taken. It’s a misdirection on the writers’ part, and it doesn’t hold up to scrutiny. But had they played that card sooner, there wouldn’t be much suspense now, so I’ll deal with the sissypants distraction, knowing that it’s finally gone for good.
last couple of episodes have been great, and Starbuck being revealed as a mole totally made up for the predictability of Renee coming to the rescue. Still loved that shootout though, don’t get met wrong. And the scene where that guy was out in the open, getting shot in order to draw them out was also similar to a scene from Full Metal Jacket. It’s a shame that young guy couldn’t make it, he’d grown on me after the whole Marco ordeal. Loved Jack’s line though when he told him that his fellow CTU member had made it, couldn’t let the young guy die thinking his heroic action had failed.
I’m sure a terrorist would have access to a silencer and given all that she had to do to rid herself of WTB and Dirtbag, it would have been easier to let the bodies rot in her apartment. I guess it would depend on what her short term plans were/are, but I wouldn’t expect her to keep working at CTU after all of this.
Since my point is taken, I’ll stop pulling my hair out. But this is why I don’t think “24″ is a well-written or a well-thought-out show. Sure, it’s a semi-cool twist now that she’s the mole, but few of her past actions fit with her true motivations. It would have been a lot cooler had she gone into her apt and killed them both, leaving us wondering if she was only trying to cover up her past, while leaving the mole question up in the air. Instead, they drag her lame storyline out for 13 hours, getting Buffy, Bubba and Jimmy James involved for no apparent reason…
…other than to kill time? Is that what this was all about? Ugh.
As for the dead CTU agents — if you don’t listen to Jack, you die. And neither of them listened to Jack.
STARBUCK, CHLOE, JACKIE, go team 24 go!
Starbuck, as per the original post, we as a group and I personally apologize for thinking you would take on the whiny, crybaby role it appeared you had. Since it is clear you will be dead soon, mostly likely by your fiance’s hand, we will enjoy you as long as we can.
Chloe’s confronting of the Homeland Security jerk off was great TV but also quite lame. How often when someone pulls a weapon are they allowed to justify their feloneous actions, in a 45 second diatribe? But it is Chloe, so okay.
Back to the original post, yes indeed, Jackie be blessed with rackie. Oh my yes.
So let me get this straight, Jack and Buff are involved in a 30 minute firefight, involving 8-10 shooters, most with automatic weapons, ON THE EAST RIVER IN THE MOST DENSELY POPULATED CITY IN THE NATION AND NO ONE NOTICES???? REALLY?
And I love Jackie, but she walks up, shoots two bullets, drops two snipers, while Jack and Buff have fired 5800 rounds and hit squat.
But let’s not pick nits. A good episode which will bring me back for more.
The reason why we did not notice Jackie’s natural talent last season is that she was the sensibly attired FBI agent. And now, casually dressed psycho with a gun.
It seeems that an assumptipon has been made that since Starbuck is now a terrorist that she is smarter than if she was just a CTU Systems Data Analyst. That was a great twist making her a mole though. She will prove to be less a mole than Nina.
Chloe’s story was great this week, and she must be learning from Jack. Dana will probably try to sabotage that work next week.
How long will it take Jimmy James to smell up the holding cell? 4-5 hours?
Michael Madsen is rumored to be joining the show in the future. That should be fun.
Too bad about the show being canceled. It looks like there’s only eleven more new episodes.
I, for one, am happy that they are going to put this bad boy out of its misery. Maybe the concept will work better on the silver screen.
That is cold JP… I have more mixed emotions about the demise, which I did not realize was confirmed.
I don’t know about the validity of a commercial film. Do you call it 24:2?
That is the question at hand, do they continue the digital clock and the real time approach for the movie? I am thinking not.
I am forced to agree with JP, 24 has run it’s course. It’s been a great run but it is time to move to a different venue.
My Monday nights are going to be a lot different. 24 was the first show that I think “got it” about male TV viewers. Starting in September, a large % of American males spend their Monday nights following football and have for decades. When 24 came along, it was perfect, a “guy” show, starting in January, with each episode building on the next. You go from MNF to 24 hours of 24, ending just as summer starts.
It is so simple of a concept, it is hard to imagine that it took so long to happen.
Regardless, goodbye 24, I guess I will have to engage my wife in conversation on Monday nights now.
Engage your wife in conversation? (*rim shot*)