The Biggest Loser: Maturity rules

Last night was the painfully long 3-hour finale of NBC’s “The Biggest Loser: Couples,” and all I can say about that is that I’m incredibly thankful for TiVo. This show was when they bring everyone back from the whole season one by one to weigh them in, which takes about 15 minutes total, leaving 165 minutes of fluff and commercials. As they recapped the whole season, Mrs. Mike and I fast forwarded since we’ve not only seen every episode, but they tend to recap the entire season almost weekly.

Then they brought out Ron and Mike to see who America voted into the final 3…..both looked awesome but Mikey clearly lost more than Ron, at least to the naked eye. We’re all sick of their gameplay, but you have to hand it to them on doing a great job. And, drum roll please….America voted Mikey in! Many of us were pulling for Ron because we didn’t want to give him what he wanted, but I think in the end everyone saw a Mike-Helen-Tara final as more compelling.

Then a new twist as they brought out two potential contestants from next season, Erinn and Amanda, who looked like they could be twins. America would vote throughout the show on who they wanted on the show. Mrs. Mike said was everyone was thinking…just let them both on!

Then it was time to start bringing out each contestant in sets of four to weigh in. First, Estella and Jerry, the oldest two people ever on the show; and Damien and Nicole. Estella lost 83 pounds, or 34.3%, but Jerry shocked everyone by losing a whopping 177 pounds, or 47% of his original weight of 369. Wow. Dr. H was on hand and went on and on about how Jerry was as healthy as he’s ever been after battling many diseases and conditions early on. Good for him! Damien lost 136 pounds and Nicole 123, but neither was good enough to overtake Jerry. Nicole however is now fitting into a Size 8 wedding dress as she had hoped!

Then came Sione and Filipe, Carla and Joelle. Sione and Filipe were asked to do their hilarious “oonga boonga” Hawaiian dance, before weighing in. Both of them are inspiring the rest of their pork rind-eating family at home. Sione lost 146 pounds and Filipe 135, great numbers but not good enough to take the lead. Carla and Joelle appear to have made up, and both looked really good. Carla lost a stunning 128 pounds, and Joelle, the slacker of the two, lost 80 pounds but looked like she lost more.

Then came Blaine and Dane, as well as Mandi and Aubrey. Blaine lost 116 pounds and Dane 154 (he started at 412!), and both have been running marathons with regularity. Good for them. But they didn’t lose as much percentage as Jerry. Mandi lost 92 pounds and Aubrey only 55, but Aubrey went on about how tough it is being a mom and keeping herself on track, and gave a shout out to all the moms out there to keep on keeping on.

Seven left….next up, Cathy and Kristin, David and Dan. Cathy looked great but Kristin looked amazing, despite her platinum blonde, Pink-esque hair style. Yikes. Cathy lost 95 pounds and Kristin lost (wait for it…) 167 pounds! While Kristin has also become a great motivational speaker back home, and while she went from 360 pounds to 193, it wasn’t enough to pass Jerry. David lost 43 pounds, the lowest percentage among everyone last night, but hey, it’s something. Dan, the heaviest contestant ever at 454 pounds, lost 142 pounds, down to 312, and looks amazing. Let’s hope he keeps after it. But hey, still nobody has surpassed Jerry!

Next up, Laura, Shannon, and Ron. Laura looked awesome, but let’s face it…she was sent home after a bad hip injury so was at a bit of a disadvantage. Laura lost 86 pounds. Shannon, Helen’s daughter who everyone but Helen feels bad for about Helen sending her home too early, lost 92 pounds…not bad at all, but not good enough. So it was down to turkey man (thanks Chris) Ron…..he looked great but to me, not 50% great. Still, Ron lost 192 pounds, down from 430 to 238. Wow. But, Jerry took the $100K at-home challenge crown! Jerry, the 64-year-old man who collapsed at the start of the season, who battled through all that as well as leaving the show around Week 2. Wow wow wow, is all I have to say. What an amazing story.

Mrs. Mike pointed out that with Joan Rivers winning the “Celebrity Apprentice,” that old people were having the “Best Week Ever” (thanks VH-1). Then they showed the winner and runner-up from the Australian version of “The Biggest Loser.” Wow, this show has gone global? And they announced that Amanda won the spot on next season’s show.

Then it was on to the big weigh in between Helen, Tara and Mikey. Mikey was brought out first because he was already introduced earlier. Then Helen, who looks amazing but whose saggy arm flab was almost touching the ground. Then Tara came out, and Mrs. Mike and I held our breath, because for whatever reason Tara didn’t look like a winner. Since Tara won an amazing 12 challenges and never fell below the yellow line, she was able to choose the order of the weigh-in…it would be Helen, Mikey and her. Helen lost 140 pounds, down from 257 to a stunning 117. Damn….117? I think I could pick her up with one hand by her arm flab. Anyway, that was good for 54.47%. Uh-oh. Who would top that? Mikey went next, losing 207 pounds, down from 388 to 181, but just short at 53.35%. Uh-oh. But hey, Godfather Turkey Man and Turkey Son didn’t win anything! Then Tara…..everyone held their collective breath….and she lost 155 pounds, down from 294 to and awesome 139…..but sadly, not good enough to beat Helen, or even Mike.

Helen was crowned the Biggest Loser. Mrs. Mike threw something at the TV, and I hoped that Helen would share her $250K with Shannon. But she probably won’t. So this season, your Biggest Loser is a 47-year-old mom from Michigan who was a somewhat quiet, tequila swilling gameplayer the whole time. Let’s see what kind of role model she is for America and the world.

So that’s it…read here tomorrow as I’m taking part in a conference call with Helen today and we’ll have a recap and see if anyone gives her a hard time about Shannon! Meanwhile, I’d love to hear what you all think of this outcome. Thanks for reading!


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