American Idol: Boys club

I’m convinced there is nothing that makes Ryan Seacrest happier than announcing how many votes were tallied on Idol Tuesdays. Last night, he beamed as there were a record 64 million votes…a record for any non-finale Idol show. Of course, I think you can vote like 1000 times if you want so who knows how skewed those numbers really are. Anyway, these results shows have become a spectacle this season, as they try and cram three or four performances into the hour-long show. Here we go….

First, there was a group performance of “School’s Out” with this week’s mentor, Slash, on guitar. Not awful, but not worth watching on your DVR again. I will say that, holy crap, can that dude shred.

Then AI judge Paula Abdul put her judge hat aside and performed her new, highly auto-tuned single, “I’m Just Here For the Music.” It was, as Simon would say, a “forgettable” ditty. But the best part was when Paula did a stair-dive into a group of suit-clad dancing men. That could have ended badly.

Then No Doubt performed their ’90’s hit, “I’m Just a Girl,” with an out of breath Gwen Stefani making us all dizzy with her stage aerobics. Gwen didn’t sound all that great, either, but her and the band have that itch again, and they are hitting the road for a summer reunion tour next week, to be followed by a new album.

Then, on to the results. They had the final 4 of Allison Iraheta, Danny Gokey, Adam Lambert and Kris Allen come out to the front of the stage, and Seacrest was going to send one of them back to safety. That person was….Kris! My boy is in the final 3. Screw you, Simon Cowell and Kara DioGuardi.

After that, Idol alum Chris Daughtry and his band performed a song from their upcoming album Leave This Town, called “No Surprise.” Um, I’m as big a fan of Daughtry as anyone, but this song was not very good…not only that, but who thought it was a good idea to have Chris sing about an octave above his range? Nobody needs to hear the dude straining, and a long tour is going to wreak havoc on his voice if that’s the lead single.

Back to the results…the next person who is in the final 3 is Adam Lambert. Well, duh. You don’t ace a Led Zeppelin tune on Tuesday and risk getting voted off. So it was down to Allison and Danny, this being Gokey’s first time on the chopping block but like Allison’s fifth or so. Seacrest left Danny hanging for about five minutes before saying those magic words, “You are safe.” Allison, who was one of the youngest contestants ever to make it this far, was going home, leaving us with a sausage-fest final 3 of Kris, Adam and Danny.

Allison sang Janis Joplin’s “Cry Baby” one more time, this time with no fear, and it was so good that it probably would have been good enough to not get her kicked off if this performance counted. But that’s what nerves will do to you, and you can’t not be nervous at 17. Still, you haven’t heard the last of Allison’s golden pipes, believe me.

I would like to add a parting shot at judges Simon and Kara, who threw Kris so far under the bus Tuesday night that I feared America would heed their comments and vote him off. But not so, just like America proved that Matt wasn’t worth saving, and just like Daughtry went on to be a multi-platinum artist after Simon’s constant dissing, and like David Cook wound up being the popular choice in the finale last year when Simon and the rest of the world all but crowned David Archuleta on that Tuesday. It’s just proof that America likes who they like, and these judges, like many A&R types in the music business, can’t recognize a fan favorite like Kris Allen without poking giant holes in his performances. Good for Kris that he can inwardly tell them to stick it, at least for one more week.

Are we headed for that Adam-Danny cage match? Don’t be so sure. And don’t be so sure Adam is going to skate away with the crown…as we’ve seen in the past, you just never know on “American Idol.”

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