24 7.20: Baby did a bad, bad thing

I just realized something: “24” has been liberal in the past with product placement shots of Ford F150s barreling through the streets of Los Angeles, but not once can I recall anyone on the show drinking anything that would either help with either hydration or the fact that it’s four in the morning and all concerned have to be freaking exhausted. No coffee, no soda, no Red Bull…no way, dude. All I know is that if I’m Chloe, I’ve got a Big Gulp filled with Diet Pepsi next to my keyboard (and a flask of Jack Daniel’s in my top drawer to slip into it once the situation is officially under control). It’s a natural fit in terms of realistic product placement. The Red Bull, that is, not the Jack.

It was a rather atypical “24” episode in that only one man died, but that man was the man. Godspeed, Jonas Brother. You will be missed. (Loved his line about his new alias of Robert Tippett: “Sounds like a breed of dog.”) Of course, I knew that he was going to bite it even after Hillary Clinton realized the limits of her self-absorbed righteousness, because that’s just what happens on this show. But here’s my working theory on this, and I don’t think this is a stretch: Hillary’s contract killer didn’t do the job. Let’s face it, they don’t kill people pro bono. It’s too risky. No, I think the shadowy company with whom Jonas was in league orchestrated that hit, but for them to pull it off, there must be one more person on the inside that could have provided them with Jonas’ travel arrangements.

Janis.

“I worked at a box factory? Really, that’s my new back story? Man, you guys suck at this. Oh well, it doesn’t matter, because I’ll be dead in five minutes anyway.”

Let’s examine the circumstantial evidence. She can monitor everything the Feds are doing to find the weapon. (This would also explain why she was so paranoid about Billy Walsh earlier in the day.) She whines about racial profiling and Big Brother, which is a great cover for a military contractor’s informant. She knew Jonas Brother’s itinerary, because we saw her in his room shortly before he was released. But most importantly, from a storytelling perspective, her character has nothing else to offer at this point. Chloe’s doing all the tech work. Janis’ role for the last two hours has been to impede the investigation with her righteous bleating. Hello, mole!

Now watch us find out next week that it was Hillary’s contract killer that blew up the car. Wouldn’t that suck? I mean really, how boring, how logical.

I was impressed with the way the brother of the framed Muslim shattered the mirror and dispatched the hostile in about 9.8 milliseconds. That was a pretty dope move for a civilian. Hmmm…

It’s clear to me that Hillary Clinton is going to get her ass handed to her before all is said and done. The only question is for which one of the many offenses she committed today. There is a quote from her in the scenes for next week’s episode (cover your eyes, Mr. Paulsen) about how the Justice Department is inquiring about her whereabouts, but if that’s true, then it must be looking into time she spent outside of the White House. Does the camera phone sex video come back into play? And maybe they’ll seize the opportunity to portray a leaked sex tape as a bad thing? (Seriously, sex tapes are calculated career moves for C-list celebrities these days. How fucked up is that? End of rant.) Can’t wait to see the look on Madame Prez’s face when she’s forced to watch that puppy. The only way that scene would be better is if afterward, she bends Hillary over her knee and spanks her like the insolent child that she is. Hey, a blogger can dream.

  

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