American Idol: Simon can stick it

Last night on FOX’s “American Idol” results show, we learned that Simon Cowell may truly be on crack, as I wrote yesterday, or he may just not know what he’s talking about. Or as he said last night, he had an off night. Either way, he was wrong, and America was right, and I couldn’t feel better about that.

The show began with Ryan Seacrest asking Simon what he thought about Tuesday night’s performances, and Simon said that he watched it back at home and everyone was good, and that it was an open competition. Funny, Simon thought Kris and Allison were pretty awful and he feared that one of them would be going home.

Then came a Rat Pack medley which wasn’t horrible, but wasn’t anything worth getting excited about either. They then showed a real food fight in the Idol mansion, as the final five celebrated Danny and Allison’s birthdays by making cakes, and throwing batter and such at each other. Now THAT was funny. But not as funny as the way Paula’s boobs were practically introducing themselves to the world. Or was that product placement for a new bra?

Anyway, right to the results, and pretty early in the show, mind you. Ryan asked Matt to stand to his right, and Danny and Allison to stand to the left. Then he had Kris join Matt. Now, it’s really hard to predict things but you had to believe at that point that Matt and Kris were the bottom. So then it was Adam. Ryan tortured the poor guy by having Adam join the group he thought he belonged with. Adam, ever gracious and trying so hard not to offend anyone, said he loves them all but went to join Danny and Allison. Seacrest then corrected him and shocked the world by telling Adam he was wrong, and that he, Kris and Matt were the bottom 3. Wow! Is America finally tiring of Adam’s theatricality and Axl Rose screams? We’ll see.

But first, a performance by Natalie Cole. Initially I was thinking that Natalie looks and sound so much better than Frida Payne or Thelma Houston the week before, but then halfway through the song she lost all sense of pitch and it went south really, really fast. Then Taylor Hicks, Season 5 champ, was back to sing his new single “Seven Mile Breakdown.” Not a horrible song, but pretty bland nonetheless. And here is the dude with the gray top flanked by two cue balls playing steel guitar and electric guitar on either side of him.

Then Seacrest had the bottom 3 come out to the center of the stage, and he was sending one of them back to safety. That person was….Kris! My boy was safe, which had to be sweet vindication for him based on how Simon lambasted him Tuesday, using words ike “wet,” “spaniel,” and even “can’t win.”

Finally, we had to endure a performance by Jamie Foxx, this week’s mentor. Let’s say Foxx did a much better job mentoring than singing, if you even call that pitch-corrected mess singing. How is that appealing? Not only was he singing through those effects, but the DJ guy was barking stuff throughout the whole song too, making it incredibly distracting. After the song, Seacrest asked Foxx how he felt about Adam and Matt being in the bottom 2, and he replied that all five of them are going to have great careers anyway. In other words, he went all politically correct. And then Foxx proceeded to plug his new movie coming out soon. Awesome.

Then as Seacrest had Matt and Adam come to the center of the stage, I noticed there were like 10 minutes left in the show. How would they fill that time? Well, first Seacrest asked the judges what they thought about these two being where they were. He commended Randy and Kara for being on their game the night before, and they mostly had it right with their comments, but that Simon was way, way off…..mostly because Simon draped praise on Matt and Adam and told Kris and Allison they were both in danger of elimination. Ha! Sweet revenge, Mr. Cowell. You surely don’t control this game as much as you think you do. He responded that he is entitled to one bad week out of 12. Whatever…his comments were pre-conceived and he knew it.

The person going home this week is….Matt Giraud! Adam was safe and America surely got this one right, because while they were all good Tuesday, Matt was clearly the worst of the bunch.
But it’s interesting to note that maybe Adam isn’t the favorite we all thought he was. I haven’t been a huge fan all along, but I thought for sure I was in the minority. Matt was asked to sing again, and even after that there were a few minutes left. Have they finally figured out the production timing? More judge comments, including Kara blurting out, “no one can take away the fact that we saved you, Matt!” or something self-serving like that. More of Paula’s boobs, and it was over.

So your final four looks like this….Danny Gokey, Kris Allen, Adam Lambert and Allison Iraheta.
Did any of you predict that early on? I am quite sure I didn’t, save for Danny. But there you have it. It’s heating up and we’re only a few weeks away from the Season 8 finale. Who do you like? Who don’t you like? I’m asking all you readers not named Simon Cowell…..

  

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