American Idol: disco freak show

Last night’s “American Idol” results show was one of the most painful to watch in recent memory, and not just because we had to sit through two eliminations. The medley of performers from the disco era was easily the worst thing this show has ever produced, and something I want to try and forget as soon as I’m done writing this blog.

First, Ryan Seacrest announced that there were 45 million votes Tuesday night, the most this season so far. Yay America. Then they showed the final 7 preparing for their group performance with judge Paula Abdul doing the choreography. They did “Shake Your Body Down To the Ground” with the dancing being pretty good for a change. The pre-recorded vocal tracks weren’t bad either.

Then, on to business. Seacrest had Lil Rounds stand up and then he rambled on about how the show needs her in the competition, blah blah blah. Then he brought her out to the front of the stage, where he told her that she was going home. Nice going Ryan, was that “this show needs you” thing really necessary? Lil sang “I’m Every Woman” again and Paula ranted on about how Lil should have sang like that the night before. Whatever….at this stage of the competition Lil was next in line to go home anyway.

Then came one of the worst 10 minutes in Idol history….a disco medley by aging ’70’s stars Frida Payne, Thelma Houston and KC of KC & The Sunshine Band. Frida sang her only hit, “Band of Gold” and she was stuffed into this gold sparkly dress and has absolutely no vocal ability left, I’m sure of it; then Thelma Houston sang “Don’t Leave Me This Way” and she also looked and sounded old; finally, KC of KC & the Sunshine Band came out and with his giant red shirt and big balding head looked like Tony Soprano, and sang his hit “Get Down Tonight.” Folks, I can’t imagine James Gandolfini doing a worse job than KC did….and dude surely could have used Paula Abdul’s coaching as a dancer too…yikes. And that red shirt….like a popping flash bulb, that image is burned into my eyelids. To make matters worse, this was not a brief medley…..each performer did their entire song, so the whole thing went on for at least 10 minutes…..and each one of them looked like they needed oxygen afterward.

Then on to more results. Kris Allen, Adam Lambert, Danny Gokey, all safe. Anoop Desai, Bottom 3 (well, Bottom 2 since Lil was already eliminated). Down to Matt Giraud and Allison Iraheta. Matt, you are safe, and you are a lucky man since the judges saved you last week. Allison was in the Bottom 2 with Anoop.

Then last season’s runner up, David Archuleta, sang his new single “Touch My Hand.” The song wasn’t bad, but as young David was singing I couldn’t help but think that if he was on this season, he would be eliminated by now. There is no way he is as good as Adam, Danny, Kris or even Allison and Matt. But I digress. After the break, Anoop was sent home and Allison back to safety. That sound you just heard were the producers of the show breathing a sigh of relief that there was still a female in this thing. Anoop sang his way out and that was it.

So now we’re down to five–Allison, Matt, Danny, Adam and Kris. Matt has to be the next to go, but based on Allison landing in the Bottom 3 this week, it could be her, or maybe even Kris. I think that right now the only sure bet to make the final 2 is Adam, much to the delight of Paula.

So what ridiculous genre are we in for next week? I vote for hair metal!

  

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