24 7.14: And you will know us by the trail of dead

Terrorism, thy name is Starkwood. Sounds more like a country club, doesn’t it?

With ten hours to go, “24” finally gives up the name and occupation of Jonas Brother’s company, and I feel like a complete idiot for not guessing that they were a private army. What other organization would have a trained killer like Quinn on payroll, not to mention do business with the Butcher of Sangala? God, it was right there in front of me. (*slaps forehead*)

I like how they’re writing characters’ absences from the screen with the ‘put ’em in holding’ trick. Chloe is finally sprung from the writers’ purgatory – and sorry, babe, but if we were Morris, we would have given up Jack’s location in order to secure your freedom too – but now Jacqueline is being put away for aiding Jack in acquiring Quinn’s identity and giving him Senator Dumbass’ address. I was a bit puzzled, though, that Jackie has better hacking skills than Janis, but I’m sure that’s just me.

“Tell me, Dudley, have you been in a ‘Saw’ movie? Then you don’t really know the meaning of the word ‘terror,’ now, do you?”

Chloe wasn’t the only character sprung from ‘holding’ this week. Tony’s back in play after Jack calls him and gives him orders to assemble a bunch of gear and meet at Alexandria Port to stop Starkwood from acquiring their Candyman-tested bio weapon. God help the show if Jack and Tony try to take Starkwood down – a private military, mind you – by themselves. Come on, really? I know that Jack looks guilty as sin right now after he was the last person seen in the company of Dumbasses Senator and Lil (a moment of silence for the former, please), but the first thing he should do after hanging up with Tony is call Dudley Do-Right, and explain everything to him. “Larry, bomb, Starkwood, Alexandria Port. See you in 20 minutes.” That should do it, right? The Feds see what’s going down, problem solved. Ah, who am I kidding, that makes too much sense. I also wouldn’t rule out the possibility that Tony’s in bed with Starkwood, that his connection to them is just one of those “bad things” he alluded to earlier. I hope that isn’t the case, but we do have ten more hours left. Lots of time for an obstacle or three.

How, exactly, did Quinn get to Senator Dumbass’ house ahead of the police? Were we supposed to think that he got there by monitoring the police band, or was he already planning on killing the Senator as a means of covering their tracks? For their sake, I hope it’s the latter.

And even though we got a glimpse of what mayhem Jonas Brother has planned, it turns out that the show’s deadliest character is in the freaking White House, baby! The ink is still wet on the paperwork that brought the First Daughter onto her mother’s staff, and Olivia has already set Ethan up to take the fall for Lil Dumbass’ death and Jack’s subsequent escape from custody. Kitten doesn’t just have claws; she has machetes. The pieces are clearly in place for Olivia to be the new Sherry Palmer, though at present, Olivia isn’t nearly as interesting (or fun) as Sherry was. But let’s get to the important part: we have a female character who a) resides in the White House, b) has no ethical standards, and c) will lie to anyone and everyone if it meets her needs. Gosh, her ideal nickname seems too obvious, doesn’t it? Do I dare christen her Hillary Clinton?


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