If you gave me an endless amount of bullets and bodies, I don’t think there is any way that I could “nick” someone with a gunshot. I’m either missing them completely, or splitting their head in two. Of course, that’s because I’m not as awesome as Jack Bauer, who manages to get just enough skin to make Jacqueline bleed, but steers clear of those pesky veins that would cause her to, you know, bleed out. Is there anything this man can’t do?

They used the silent clock tick at the end of the hour. The last time I remember them using that was Day Three, when Jack was forced to kill his former director Chappelle. I’m sure I’m wrong about that, but that’s the last time I can think of right now. It’s a powerful way to end an episode, yes, but did they really feel this episode deserved it? Come on, does anyone really think that Freckles is not going to survive? And how long do you suspect it will take before the decision to spare her bites Jack square in the ass? Once Jackie goes back to the bureau, General Candyman’s source will tell Emerson that Jack didn’t kill her, not to mention she’ll then have to answer to the Attorney General, who’s practically carrying a torch, a cross, and a pitchfork. The only way Candyman’s people do not find out that she’s alive is if she goes dark, which she will never do. Bonus points for the death scene, though. It couldn’t have been easy to pretend to die when every nerve in her body had to have been screaming, “HOLY SHIT! I’VE BEEN SHOT!”

“Hey, boss. I’m just calling to tell you that I’m about to do something colossally stupid. Bye.”

Just when we thought that we couldn’t think any less of Billy Walsh, he finds a way. He clearly married out of his league, but that didn’t stop him from hooking up with a co-worker. (This subplot sponsored by Bad Idea Jeans.) Maybe Billy’s guilt is what drove him to get his wife out of the sky? Look for Janis’ “instinct” to kick in on his budding affair before the day is done.

I had a feeling that we couldn’t trust the First Husband’s bodyguard. He just had that look, literally. It was his eyes; they were always too squinty. His plan to kill both Henry and Samantha, and frame Henry for it, is sure to go horribly wrong, though. Should be amusing.

It was an off week for the “Damn it” counter, which only goes up one for a total of ten. Slackers.

Finally, as a tip of the hat to the song I stole for this week’s column title:
October Project – Bury My Lovely