Chalk it up to another case of there simply not being enough hours in the day, but the truth of the matter is that I’ve never watched a single episode of “Nip/Tuck” until now…and since this is the second half of the show’s next-to-last season, it’s probably not exactly the best time for me to decide to get involved in the adventures of Drs. Sean McNamara and Christian Troy. The decision, however, came as a result of two simultaneous events: Ross Ruediger’s review of the first half of the 5th season, which was just released on DVD, and the arrival of a screener of the first episode of the second half of the 5th season. Stupid ol’ Ross. If his positive review of “Criminal Minds: Season 2″ hadn’t introduced me to that show, then I wouldn’t be trusting his opinion of “Nip/Tuck,” but when the guy describes it as “tasteless, vulgar, trashy, over-the-top fare that most people probably don’t care to admit they enjoy,” then I’m left wondering why I never took a chance on it before now.

And with that, let us hit “play” on “Ronnie Chase,” the first new “Nip/Tuck” of 2009.

The use of the O’Jays’ “Backstabber” within the opening sequence is inspired, as is the Mark Ronson cover of “Stop Me If You Think That You’ve Heard This One Before,” since what we’re watching is, after all, more or less an expanded flashback to events which occurred during the last episode of the season’s first half. After we catch up to the cliffhanging moment where Sean was lying in a pool of his own blood, things move pretty fast. Christian and Liz manage to keep Annie from crashing, and even after being dragged from the operating room into his office by Colleen, Sean successfully extracts revenge on his crazed assailant and keeps the show from becoming “Misery: The Series.” But poor Doc McNamara is in bad shape: as Christian arrives and tells his partner to hold on, Sean groans, “I can’t feel my legs.”

Suddenly, it’s four months later…and Sean’s doing his best Ironside impression, making his appearance by rolling out of an elevator in a wheelchair.

Technically, Sean’s reached a point where he ought to be able to return to surgery, but he’s got a nasty case of the jitters, so much so that he can’t even bring himself to assist with Liz’s breast surgery. Yes, you read that right: Liz is the patient this time. The weirdness of the situation makes for a funny but awkward scene where she begrudgingly opens her blouse to a decidedly inappropriate look of lechery from Christian, but it quickly turns serious when he finds something that feels like a lump. As it turns out, it is one. Thankfully, it’s an inoffensive issue caused by too much caffeine and diet soda…but suddenly Christian realizes that he, too, has a lump. I can guarantee that every female “Nip/Tuck” viewer will be grinning with glee during his mammogram, thinking, “At last, the tables are turned!” Unfortunately, the doctor doesn’t have the same kind of cheery revelation for Christian than he did for Liz.

Sean continues his rehab while teaching the ropes to a bunch of newly-graduated plastic surgeons (including one played by Adhir Kalyan from “Aliens in America,” who - maybe not coincidentally - is also named Raj here), and for a change, he gets good news from his son, Matt, who’s trying to get his ducks in a row for once and enrolling in community college. Even so, Sean’s anger at his inability to walk is easily matched by Christian’s concerns over his diagnosis of Stage 2 breast cancer, which means that tensions are running high. Fortunately, the two have a few drinks, play a few rounds of darts, and have a surprisingly sentimental scene where Sean talks about the dream he had of the future. Sure, Christian initially poo-poohs it, saying, “It was a dream, not a prophecy,” but then he admits that he’s scared and even begins to cry for a moment. Don’t worry, the show hasn’t gone soft: moments later, Christian manages to use his diagnosis as a pick-up line, God love him. The punchline…? In the middle of getting his rocks off, he asks the woman when she last had a breast exam. Sean, meanwhile, proceeds to utilize his wheelchair in a most impressive manner, proving conclusively that, at least in his case, being unable to walk doesn’t mean you’re dead from the waist down.

The final scenes of the episode find Christian undergoing surgery and Sean attending Colleen’s funeral (”to make sure she’s dead”), but the latter turns out to be a vaguely creepy dream sequence that causes Sean to decide that, by God, he’s ready to walk again. In the end, however, both of the doctors end up standing in front of their respective mirrors, looking at the scars that life has brought to them.

Obviously, my limited experience with “Nip/Tuck” means that I have no frame of reference to how this episode holds up within the context of the series as a whole, but as a first-time viewer, it contained enough action, drama, humor, and sex to keep me interested. But for you regulars, how did it hold up for you?