A Couple of Questions with…Miss Piggy?!?

The Muppets are returning to NBC this holiday season, offering up a new special: “A Muppet’s Christmas: Letters to Santa.” In addition to the usual mob of guest stars (pun not intended, even though Tony Sirico and Steve Schirripa from “The Sopranos” join such other notables as Uma Thurman, Whoopi Goldberg, Nathan Lane, Jesse L. Martin, and NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg), old-school Muppet fans will be pleased to hear that the music for the hour-long program has been written by the one and only Paul Williams, a.k.a. the man who brought you “The Rainbow Connection.”

Remember how excited my wife was about my getting to interview Matthew McConaughey? You should’ve seen my 3-year-old daughter when she found out that NBC was giving Daddy a chance to speak to Miss Piggy about her latest Muppet endeavor. Alas, it was a packed call, so I was only able to ask her a pair of questions, but it was enough to make me the coolest Daddy in the world…for, y’know, the duration of those questions, anyway.

Bullz-Eye: Hello Miss Piggy. It’s a pleasure.

Miss Piggy: Yes, it is.

BE: I couldn’t help but notice that you’re in the beginning of the special and you’re at the end of the special, but you’re not so much in the middle. And there were some rumors about possible…well, I don’t want to say diva actions, but, I mean, was it just a mere scheduling conflict?

MP: Well, I am very busy. I’m, you know, highly in demand. But really, you know, the movie kind of takes a turn and it becomes more of an action film. And, you know, I just…I don’t do my own stunts. And, you know, I really thought it best if I just stayed put while everybody else went off to deliver these letters to the North Pole. And, plus, it’s really cold at the North Pole, and I’m not really into cold. I don’t know about you, but I like to be warm. That’s why I didn’t go out to do this interview with you. That’s why I’m doing it from home. Because it’s just too darn cold outside. But it was my choice, really. It was my choice. I talked to the writers. I said, you know, keep me where it’s warm and I’ll be happy. And I can just come back…I just can come in at the end of the movie, save the day and take all the credit…and, you know, leave everybody with the last impression. That’s the secret. Nobody remembers the middle anyhow. Now, really, movies have famous opening shots, right?

BE: Right.

MP: Right? Like “Touch of Evil” or “The Player,” or…I don’t know if you’re a film buff?

BE: I am, yes.

MP: Yes. You know, but…and they have famous end shots, too. But can you think of a famous middle? No.

BE: No?

MP: So what’s the point?

BE: Fair enough.

MP: Why be in the middle? Okay.

BE: And you mentioned the writers. Have you by any chance…or the rest of the Muppets…had any meetings with Jason Segel yet? I understand he’s in talks to write a new Muppet movie.

MP: That’s what he’s telling everybody. Yeah. You know, he hasn’t called me. I haven’t…so I have no idea. I have no idea. Maybe he’s writing a movie, you know. I’m writing a movie too, though. So who knows? You know, maybe the next Muppet movie will be penned by moi?

BE: Fair enough.

MP: It could happen.

BE: Sure. Thank you very much, Miss Piggy.

MP: You’re welcome!


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