24, Hour 8: I love you…I’ll kill you

Previously, on the “24” blog:

In truth, Daddy Bauer’s plan is quite ingenious, if dastardly. He has lowered the guard of his do-gooder son, silenced the only person who could sell him out, and set up his son’s death so that Dr. Romano’s wife and “child” will hold Jack responsible, since the cause of death will surely be a fatal seizure due to excessive torture. Jack will feel as though he has betrayed his family, which will make him even more vulnerable to Daddy’s evil machinations.

Boom shacka lacka lacka lacka. Boom shacka lacka lacka lacka. Boom.

Okay, so Heidi Petrelli’s reaction was not as indignant as I was expecting, but then again, Grae’s son (who, from this point on, will be known as Jack Jack) didn’t even cry. His father’s dead! What teenager isn’t going to be crushed by news like that, even if you suspected he was a bad guy?

The show actually got back to its roots in the first hour with a little “Hostel”-style torture. Eurotrash Arms Dealer was the victim of some big time passive-aggressive behavior on the part of his companion, who popped him once she knew where she would be dropping off Morris. If I didn’t know any better, I would swear that for a split second, her eyes actually had dollar signs in them. I deleted the episode out of my DVR before I could confirm it. The second she walks in with Morris, however, she realizes the mistake of trying to bluff a bunch of Islamic fucking terrorists. If Kevin Spacey had been in this episode, he would have cut a pound of flesh from her body, just to underscore what deadly sin ultimately did her in.

So back to the torture: Morris, who’s not trained in the torture-withstanding arts, runs afoul of some of Fayed’s free swingers, as it were, and then gets drilled, literally. Jack gives him hell for caving in, but isn’t that just Jack shifting the blame? If his guys were better at their job, Fayed wouldn’t keep getting away, damn it. Back at CTU, Chloe proves to be no more sympathetic than Jack, slapping Morris when he refuses to get back to work mere minutes after getting tortured with a drill. Coworkers suck.

As for the rest of the episode, one absolutely fantastic thing happened, and one utterly ridiculous thing happened. On the fantastic end, the former Mr. Hilary Swank appears to be involved in a plot to kill President Palmer, and recruits the Biscuit to assist him in helping Senator Roark and his “kill ‘em all” policy to ascend to the throne. Now, I don’t want to see yet another President Palmer assassinated, but give credit where credit is due: this is the ballsiest plot thread that the writers of “24” have floated out there yet. The Biscuit, of course, is toast, pardon the repeated bread product references. Whoever’s orchestrating this – possibly Daddy Bauer’s company? – is smart enough to cover their own tracks and set up the most obvious person for the fall. That person is the Biscuit. The second he gives up Palmer’s itinerary, he’s done for. He’s going to wish he had brought a tape recorder with him when Mr. Swank sells him down the river.

And now for something completely different, which is to say, insane: CTU allowing Daddy Dearest (hey, I think we just found his nickname) to take Jack Jack out of custody so he is in a better position to coerce Heidi Petrelli into setting Jack up to be ambushed. And with that, let’s play “Really!?!,” with Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers. (For the uninitiated, go here right this second.) Really, CTU is going to allow Daddy Dearest to take Jack Jack back to the home that is not far from where a nuclear weapon detonated. Really. The man owns a company that was responsible for the decommission of the nukes that are currently in play, but you’re not going to keep him in custody. Really. And lastly, that company is run by a man who confessed in front of several other CTU agents that he authorized the assassination of President David Palmer, and that he has tried repeatedly to have Jack killed. And you’re not going to interrogate him? Really?! You don’t think he might have some valuable information? Really!?! Ye gods.

Killing President Palmer, again: bad karma, but good, good TV. CTU’s blind eye to Daddy Dearest and his sinister company: just bad. Man, how messed up is it that we’re actually rooting for the president to get whacked just so we get some good television?


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