Holiday Movies Bad Enough To Make You Hate Christmas
During the holiday season, there’s nothing like grabbing a mug of hot cider or a glass of eggnog, sitting down on the couch, turning on the TV, and watching one of the many classic Christmas movies. Man, there are some classics out there: “It’s A Wonderful Life,” “Miracle on 34th Street,” “White Christmas,” “A Christmas Story,” and, of course, “Ernest Saves Christmas.”
What’s that? You don’t consider “Ernest Saves Christmas” to be a classic? Okay, good. We were really just using that as a gauge, to make sure you that you know the difference between a good holiday movie and a really, really bad holiday movie.
If you’ve already got that cider or eggnog handy, be sure it’s heavily spiked as you enter into our list of 15 flicks that, while they may have started with good intentions, turned out so terrible that they’d turn the sweetest guy in the world into Ebenezer Scrooge.
An example:
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure
It’s not exactly breaking news that films coming out under the “National Lampoon” name tend to be excruciating viewing experiences; it’s been that way ever since they started going the straight-to-video route (and, arguably, about five years before that). Still, it’s one thing when they put out awful standalone films, but when you start tarnishing the reputation of a Chevy Chase franchise, you’ve gone too damned far! We’re not saying that Randy Quaid’s portrayal of Eddie Johnson isn’t funny; we’re just saying that Cousin Eddie’s a character that cannot – nay, should not – be given his own film, especially when it’s as bad as this one is. The premise is straight out of a later, less-funny “Simpsons” episode, with Eddie getting bitten by a chimpanzee who’s better at his job than he is, and getting a tropical vacation from his employers to avoid a possible lawsuit. It’s notable that Dana Barron plays Audrey Griswold, making it the first time any actress has ever played the role twice; it also answers the question, “Which of the actresses to formerly play Audrey Griswold needs work the most?” Audrey’s dad may not be in the film, but Eddie still manages to drag his cousin Clark down, anyway. After all, “Christmas Vacation” was pretty much the last funny film Chevy Chase did, and now, it’s forever going to be associated with this travesty. – WH
Check out the rest of the list here.
Posted in: Movie Comedies, Movie DVDs, Movies




I just gotta say, we just finished watching “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians,” and you’re fucked in the head: that movie was AWESOME. I love Christmas more than ever after seeing this. The stock footage spliced in with the guy in the polar bear costume? Classic moviemaking right there, son.
Hey, just because I said it was bad doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it on the level of being so bad that it’s good. On that level, it’s AWESOME.
Agree with just about everything on here, especially the Grinch. About the only part of that movie I enjoyed was the “Somebody’s FAAAAAAAAAABULOUS” line. I’d have Home Alone 3 and 4 up higher. The latter is right up there for worst movie ever, Christmas or not.
I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys was pretty terrible. It was made by GoodTimes in 2001 and intended as a direct sequel to the 1964 Rankin-Bass classic. The CGI animation absolutely sucked the life and humor out of it, making it just about unwatchable.
I still say “8 Crazy Nights” probably belonged, though I couldn’t sit through enough of it to vouch for its inclusion.
Spackler, when are you gonna step up and use your real name like the rest of us?!?
I can’t use my real name. They’ll find me.
Coming next season to the CW: “The Carl Spackler Affair.” Thrill to Carl’s undercover goings-on, as he deflects suspicion about his true identity by uttering such classic lines as, “Pay no attention to that bush, moving around over there by that tree, it’s just a bush.”