Okay, technically his name is Gael Garcia Bernal, and he is not actually a talking teddy bear…but come on: Look at that face. Those friendly eyes. That winsome smile. He might as well be made by Mattel, stuffed with polyester fiberfill, and sitting on a shelf at Kay Bee Toys.

A talented actor? Absolutely. A handsome man? Definitely — as celebrity exes such as Natalie Portman would surely attest.

But a “superkiller” capable of posing any sort of serious threat to our able-bodied (and substantially taller) hero Jason Bourne?

Not on your life, Teddy my boy.