They’re not screening “Snakes on a Plane.”

I can’t even begin to tell you what a kick in the teeth this is. I have been looking forward to this movie ever since I interviewed screenwriter Sheldon Turner last May — LAST May, as in 2005 — and stumbled upon a title in his IMDb filmography with the spectacular name of “Snakes on a Plane” (it has since been removed from his credits, presumably a WGA-related matter). And now, we get the news that New Line is going to make sure that the “fans” see it first. Hey, what about the critics that are also fans, huh? I am in a position to give you the kind of advance buzz that you would kill for, and you just stripped it away from me. Not smart.

Tell me, New Line, are you worried about the advance buzz being profoundly negative? Please. This movie is the textbook definition of critic-proof. Jesus, did you see how much money “Little Man” made last weekend? Fucking “Little Man!” Your movie is poised to make four times that. Help us help you, will ya?

To quote Hank Azaria impersonating Charles Bronson on “The Simpsons,” this, ain’t, over.