A friend of Ron White’s tells him that Ron’s girlfriend said sometimes, she just wanted to stab him. Then the friend tried to soften the blow by saying, “Well, she was drunk.” Ron says, “Fuck, that’s the only time I tell the truth!”

Though it was only 10:00 in the morning on the west coast when Bullz-Eye chatted with Ron White, he must have been drunk, because he positively lays into Dane Cook towards the end of the conversation. A sample:

BE: Mitch Hedberg seems to be one of those comedians’ comedian. Dane Cook was talking about how much he loved him, and…

RW: Who?

BE: Dane Cook?

RW: Who’s that?

BE: Dane Cook is a wildly popular comedian. He’s a Boston guy, but he spends a lot of time in L.A. He just hosted “Saturday Night Live” recently. Very manic, funny guy. Very nice. He was pretty broken up about Mitch Hedberg as well.

RW: Did he know him?

BE: Not intimately. I think they were acquaintances, but I don’t know if it was any deeper than that.

RW: I was kidding, I know who Dane Cook is.

BE: I was gonna say, I was hoping you were pulling my leg.

RW: (He) does not make me laugh, at all, in any way, shape or form.

BE: Huh.

RW: It looks like smoke and mirrors. But it works for him, so…

White goes on to call Cook out for exaggerating about his album sales, putting down the Blue Collar guys, and putting himself in the same league as Bill Cosby. Harsh stuff, but he also takes the time to send some love to Lisa Lampanelli, Jim Gaffigan, and even found nice things to say about the girl who wanted to stab him; apparently, she could suck a golf ball through a straw, which is a pretty valuable skill for a woman to possess if she’s nuts.

You can read the full interview here.