If the script calls for a hot nun, then cast a hot freakin’ nun, for God’s sake!

It’s Gabrielle’s turn in the piss-me-off hotseat this week, with her raging insecurity over the at-best-average-looking blonde nun who helped Carlos get paroled early.

Yes, Gabrielle, that’s right: Carlos, after longing to get out of jail so he could be with you, plans to leave you so that he can live out all of his sexual fantasies with…the devout Sister Mary Margaret. She is not a former model, like you are. She does not have your curves, your fashion sense, or your feisty Latina temper. She is, in fact, a walking Glamour Don’t. And surely that must make Carlos want her all the more…unless, of course, Gabrielle is simply demonstrating the emotional intelligence of a fourteen-year-old.

In other news, Lynette gets promoted after Nina is fired for inexplicably getting it on with the receptionist who looks like Jim Carrey’s mildly effeminate little brother; George may or may not be dead; and loyal viewers begin to realize that if they keep watching the show, the producers won’t have any incentive to make it stop sucking.

  

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Box Office Roundup, November 27: Harry Potter beats up Christians, children, farm animals, and AIDS victims.

1) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: $54.9 million (second week, $201 million to date)
Poised to shatter the box office performances of the three previous “Potter” movies, we were stumped as to why “Goblet” was doing so much better than the others. Then it hit us; the other “Potter” movies were really good, and no one likes those kinds of movies.
2) Walk the Line: $19.7 million (second week, $54.7 million to date)
Shortly before his death, Johnny Cash meets a wigged out Joaquin Phoenix, knows the look of a man headed to rehab when he sees it, and says, “Yep, he’ll do.”
3) Yours, Mine and Ours: $17.4 million (opened Wednesday, $24.5 million to date)
We received a pass to see this, but gave it to our friend Wendi. She hasn’t spoken to us since.
4) Chicken Little: $12.4 million (fourth week, $118.2 million to date)
Pixar steps back for a moment, stretches its arms, leans into the ear of “partner” Disney, and whispers, “Time to put the rubber ball back in your mouth.”
5) Rent: $10.7 million (opened Wednesday, $18 million to date)
“Laugh along with the common people, laughing along even though they’re laughing at you, and the stupid things that you do, because you think that poor is cool.”

  

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A last remembrance of Mr. Miyagi

Mark Evanier has written for TV series, comic books, and seemingly knows or is at least somewhat acquainted with everyone in Hollywood. In his blog, he writes about Pat Morita here, and, as is par for the course with Evanier, it’s really interesting.


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The best of the bunch

Following in the success of “Lost,” CBS, ABC and NBC all debuted new sci-fi dramas this season – “Threshold,” “Invasion” and “Surface,” respectively. After watching several episodes of each series, “Invasion” is the best of the bunch. It has been slow but steady, and like “Lost,” it is using our fear of the unknown to its advantage. Eddie Cibrian (Russell) was great in “Tilt” and has some serious star potential. The rest of the cast is solid – William Fichtner plays the consummate asshole as Sheriff Tom Underlay and Lisa Sheridan as Larkin is as cute as a button.

Things have really ramped up during the last two episodes. Just when you thought that the Sheriff had all the answers, he was shocked to see his wife’s dead body in Biscayne Cove. He has since decided to cover it up, but the seed is planted – even the “aliens” don’t really know what’s happening to them.

  

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Sometimes, you just get sucked into a bad movie…

…and this morning’s film du jour comes courtesy of TBS: “Three to Tango,” starring Matthew Perry and Neve Campbell. It’s pretty much a paint-by-numbers, simple-case-of-misunderstanding romantic comedy, one of those deals where the entire thing would come to a screeching halt if only Matthew Perry’s character only said, “I’m not gay.” He doesn’t, of course, until the grand finale…which plays out exactly as you’d think it would. The thing is, Neve Campbell is so damned cute that she keeps you watching the flick just to watch her. Also, Bob Balaban and John McGinley are in the movie, two guys who guarantee at least a few laughs.

Oh, crap. “Three to Tango” is over and “The Birdcage” is coming on. Time to flip over to TNT and watch “Twister”…


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